I have been a very religious person all my life. Maybe I should correct that, I've held myself to a high standard of morals & ideals, most of which just happen to align with the Christian faith. I'm currently a member of a Southern Baptist Conservative church & clearly this is an issue in my life. As I am just starting to come out (to 2 people) & act on my feelings (in talking to women on dating sites) I am realizing that my faith & ideals have changed & that may be a good thing. The first time I came out it was to a friend who dismissed me as confused or burnt by men in my past. When I recently came out to my therapist she was very supportive & after a discussion of faith & homosexuality I felt like a door had been unlocked in my mind. In the past faith was black & white to me. If you believed in God & the Bible then you were a Christian, if you failed to believe in either of those things, or believed differently in whatever way, you were not a Christian. Period. That was my way of thinking & a lot oif it has to do with what I've been told all my life. I've always heard "oh no, we don't believe that" or "no no, don't think THAT way". I heard " we believe X, Y & Z. Don't question it, it's just the way it is". And it always felt wrong. I always felt like I was crammed into a tiny box & I was constantly pushing on the sides to get out. Once i came out to my therapist the box opened. I don't think God is a horrible, hateful man out to punish us. I really do believe we should love one another regardless of sex, race, religion, sexuality, whatever. My worry now is this- what will happen when my friends & church family find out? I will be forced out I'm pretty sure. No more singing in the choir, no more leading the youth group. And my closest friends are the pastor & his wife. I don't believe God put us on this planet for us to be miserable. If being with a woman makes me happy why is that a bad thing?
First, congratulations for coming to terms with who you are. That's a huge step, and it must be very scary to think about all the complexities that come with that. I think the biggest thing to remember is... at the end of the day, a year or three from now, things will be stabilized and you'll be a lot happier. You may also find that your current church is more accepting than you realize (though this varies tremendously with the particular congregation and the denomination.) If you are in the more northern part of Virginia, there are a lot of gay-affirmative churches, and so even if the church you're currently involved with isn't accepting, you can find another that does accept you. Even in the more southern parts, there are places with very accepting and nonjudgmental congregations. I realize this still means losing a group of friends and a base of connection if they don't affirm you... but at the end of the day, if they judge you for something that is hard wired and you can't change, these aren't really people you want to be around in the first place. You will absolutely find a place where you'll be welcomed and accepted, and where you can affirm your connection to your faith. Hopefully that place will be the church you're now affiliated with. If not... then you'll have the chance to make new friends who truly understand the message of unconditional love and non-judgment that the Bible teaches.
I think you should check out The Gay Christian Network. Perhaps you can convince them that being part of the lgbt community isn't a sin.
All of the churches on this list List Churches by U.S. State / Canadian Province - GayChurch.org are based in Virginia and they have voluntarily signed up as an affirming Christian church on Gay Church website. It's a fairly extensive list, including churches aligned to the Baptist tradition, so you can see how it will be possible to maintain your faith journey alongside your sexuality. Perhaps you could mention to your Pastor that some Baptist churches in your state are registered as affirming places for the LGBT community and see how the conversation goes. Would he be open to the idea of registering your church as an affirming place and preaching about his reasons for doing so to the congregation? If he reacts with horror and disbelief at the idea, you will know what to expect from him, should you decide to come out. The Gay Church website includes a huge list of affirming churches in all American states and beyond. It's a good resource for LGBT Christians and for those members of our community who have experienced religious intolerance and shaming. It helps to demonstrate that Christianity is not necessarily in opposition to LGBT people and churches choose to hate... or not.
