I feel like almost everyone in my life is forcing me into some type of box. As I have only realized in the last 2 years that I am bisexual I have only come out to 1 friend & that was only because I knew she would be understanding & accepting. The majority of my friends are members of a Southern Baptist Conservative Church and therefore I will not be accepted as I truly am. I have to stay in the straight box. It is frowned upon to research & learn about certain things & so in that I am stuck in an intellectual box. I feel like I'm constantly pushing against the sides of these boxes trying to break free. I just feel trapped. I spent the weekend with my accepting friend (a few hours away from my home & normal group of friends) and I was able to be myself for a few days. It was complete & absolute freedom. It was amazing but now I'm back home & back in my boxes. Just feels like I'm trying to run through waist deep wet cement. Can anyone relate?
I can relate 100%. Seventh Day Adventist home, but still the same boxes. Be straight, avoid the secular in anything. Be a good girl, learn to cook, clean and please a man, etc... you know the drill. I came out to my family at age 14, and immediately sent myself into an even worse hell hole than home already was. I wasn't allowed to work until I was 16 so, it took me all of that year to get enough money saved to move out. I thought I was free then but, no for several years after I left, what was done to me still affected me terribly. Even today, the scars have faded but, are not entirely gone. I'm sorry you have to tolerate that kind of home. Be strong, don't let them break you. It won't last forever. Get away with your friend as often as you can and ride it out, or come out and let the storm hit. it's going to happen sooner or later but, you can decide when to unleash that storm.
I can relate as well. I come from a traditional Baptist household and although to this day a lot of my immediate family members are very controlling and like to force you into the way they feel your life should be...I am glad that when I did come out to a family member that I was a young adult that had a job and was old enough to move out which I did. I even had other relatives who had strong opinions as well which eventually tarnished our relationship altogether. Initially...I felt very pressured and tortured as well but as time progressed and I began to be around people just like myself but were doing positive things in their lives despite their sexuality and they had family members/friends who supported them wholeheartedly..being in this environment helped me a great deal to detach myself from those individuals who had a problem with me and become more influenced and inspired by those who didn't. With that being said..I do agree with DAFriend's advice in his post. Best wishes to you...JS
