So my friend has been having family problems and I feel bad for her but everytime I try to talk to her about my own problems (I've been having ongoing family problems) she just cuts me off and says something like "you think that's bad but " and then starts going on about something in her life. I want to be there for her but I'm finding it difficult because she's making it all about her and seems to think that only her problems are the worst and most important and she makes me feel like my problems are nothing and so I'm finding it hard to talk to her about anything and im starting to resent her.
I know how you feel. One of my sisters would do that to me all the time. She would talk about the other older siblings issues every time we talked. The thing is ... the conversations about them would be repetitious. She can tell me something about them one day and then turn around and repeat the cycle a day later with the same topics. Many times, I would change the subject by mentioning something that may be on my mind or the way the other siblings treats me. She then would interrupt me or cut me off in a way to let me know that she is not interested in what I have to say. However, I am supposed to give her a 100% undivided attention talking about selfish siblings who she claims she is tired of their ways and how they treat her...and yet, she loves talking about them. The last time we had talked...I let her know how I felt and how she contradicts herself by saying one thing and then doing the other. Oh..and by the way..there are days when she would bring them up in conversation and if I give a her response about them ...she would get defensive with me as if I have no right to make such a comment. So...after that conversation..we have not spoken to each other for a little over two months and honestly...I'm okay with that because it feels as if I had lifted a heavy burden off of me and then I also discovered that after all of this time ...she really did not support or have my back as she always claimed to have. To conclude...perhaps you should have that kind of conversation with your friend especially now that you are beginning to resent her. If all fails with that conversation ...then you have nothing to lose so to speak.
JonSomebody makes a good point. Communication is important in any sort of relationship, and when there is a problem it needs to be addressed. It is very likely your friend doesn't realize how much she talks about herself, or belittles your own problems... Or maybe she does. You won't know until you really talk to her. My only friend and I have known each other since we were in dipers. We tell each other (nearly) all our problems. Even the deep or awkward stuff. Out of respect and compassion for one another, we have a unspoken rule: Never talk about yourself when your friend is telling you their problems. There are other guidlines we follow as well, such as reserving conversations for when we need to talk about something that's bothering us. (This also prevents making every conversation nothing but pity parties.) For example: If we're having a friendly chat, and I ask her if everything's alright, she might say that there is but she'll tell me about it later. Then we'll pick a time, and resume our former conversation. When the time comes that we'd picked, I'll listen, encourage, and give advise if asked, but avoid the word "I" as much as possible. She, in return, does the same for me. I don't know. Maybe that's weird. But we've always done it like that and we've never had a problem in nearly 18 years of friendship. Maybe having a system at least similar to that might help? I don't know.
