I'm currently in what is deemed a December-May relationship (my boyfriend is 21 years older than I am) and was wondering what you all think of relationships with a significant age gap. Have any of you been in one? Thoughts, feelings about them? To be honest, I don't really think about it all that much now that I'm 36. Once in a while I'm reminded that yeah, we have an age gap and some people may think it weird. My boyfriend doesn't seem as cautious about it as he used to be either. He used to think that older women were bothered by it, but not so much now. We've been together 4 years, so maybe that's also why he's not as bothered. I also think I don't look as young as I used to due to the stress I've been under due to life, living with mental illness, and weight gain. I probably look more like I'm 40 than 36 at this point. And he looks like he's about 45. So yeah, it isn't as obvious as it used to be. For me it's just what it is. But to others, I guess it could be weird or f*cked up. X^D I just watched a video by a couple of Youtubers that have a 39 year age gap and I have to say, I could not personally do that myself. My grandmother is 40 years older than I am. So no . . . I can't see myself in that large of an age gap. 30 tops, I think. But even then I'd be hesitant. So yeah . . . thoughts, stories? Please share!
Me personally I have a ten year age gap requirement when it comes to someone I would allow myself date that is older than me. I'm also do not date younger than my current age. I have a percference for people older than myself. As far as anyone else goes it's completely up to them to date how ever many years a part if they want to unless their under 18. I not comfortable with kids in their teens dating people that's ten plus years older that them unless that older person is patient and want to wait until the child is 18 before they can touch them. Even then I can't really judge the person for dating the teen but I still find it a little uncomfortable.
I think it depends on the persons that are in the relationship. Some people may say " age doesn't matter", but that's not really true. Different ages usually mean different stages in life and a difference in experiences. I also believe that it's less of a problem if one is older as in the teenage years etc. even a 5 year difference can mean completely different stages of development. I wouldn't see you're relationship as problematic though. You're both clearly consenting adults that know what they are doing so who cares if the age gap is a little bit larger than usual? I'd be cautious if the age gap was larger than 25--30 years..because in that case the different life phases would be really too far apart. That isn't to say that it can't work but probably only in rare cases.
I have been in relationships were my partner was at 18 years older than myself and it was great. However, it has a lot to do with the individuals involved.
It really depends. If it's 18 and 39, to me that's just creepy because there's such a marked difference in maturity. Because you're both well into adulthood it's not THAT weird. You both should have a fair amount of life experiences and things that will bond you and bridge the age gap.
There's actually a little formula for this that I think works pretty well! You should not date anybody younger than: halve your own age, then add 7 You should not date anybody older than: take 7 off your own age, and double the result Example: I'm 18, so if I halved that to make 9, and then added 7, the result would be 16, and that is the youngest I should date according to the formula. Alternatively, if I wanted to work out the oldest, I would take 7 from my age (18) to make 11, and then double that, making 22. Therefore, in theory I should date within the 16-22 age range. The formula doesn't have to dictate anything, though, do as you do!
Gunsmoke's formula is a pretty good one. To address the OP's specific situation, I think that once someone reaches their early 30s or perhaps later 20s, the problems with age gaps tend to diminish, as the imbalances in power that are so problematic are less prominent as an issue. That said, one does have to consider the other aspects, which are basically differences in stage of life. At 57, your partner may be considering retirement, while you are more likely to be mid-career. That can create challenges in terms of activities and goals, particularly if your partner seeks things like travel or other activities that don't involve a conventional work schedule. And, of course, as you get even older, there are potential later-in-life and end-of-life health and function issues to be addressed (though, arguably, terminal illness can strike at any age.) If you've thought through those points, and both of you have had meaningful discussions about the potential concerns, then outside of that, there should be no real concerns I'm aware of.
Thanks for all your responses! It's interesting to get other people's perspectives on it and see what other people think about age-gap relationships. Chip, I don't have to worry about him retiring. He can't. He works part time at two jobs currently; unfortunately for both of us, there will probably be no retirement that I can foresee. So that worry isn't a problem. It's his work schedule currently that is more problematic then mine, in fact. :^[
Age does not always equal maturity. A person can be 21 going on 121, or 50 going on15. I have no problem with May - December relationship.
I think it could work if you are older, as in 30+. There is less of a power balance at this time. It also depends on what the person's mental psychology is more than age sometimes as well. A 28 year old person with severe learning disabilities or mental retardation still has a power imbalance with another person their age, and some argue whether they should be allowed to date at all. I'm 26, but I'm still getting a high school education and only now about to start a two year college. I have never worked and still have a 17-18 year old mind. I probably wouldn't date an 18 year old, personally, but even someone my own age could have a power imbalance over me since I am so behind in life (and mentally disabled). I tend to prefer people around 21-22 years old as we are in similar stages of life.
