1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Polyamorous Relationships

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by EnchanterForest, Dec 2, 2016.

  1. EnchanterForest

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2016
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England (From NZ)
    This may be a bit serious, oh well.

    Okay, what is everyone's thoughts on Polyamory?

    My Boyfriend (Gumball) is dating me and this guy called "Koala". I am okay with it and so is Jack. Tbh Koala and I have become really good friends since we started talking. And like when I talk about this relationship people are like are you seriously okay with it? Is it like cheating? I have no idea how to reply because it feels like I am being personally attacked in a way because like Gumball I have feelings for multiple people at the same time too. I am not sure why people think it is so bad to be in relationships with multiple people as long as the are all okay with it, right?

    So what do you think?
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Polyamorous relationships are unusual, and it's likely that only a small minority of them are actually really healthy. That's because usually one person ends up somewhat sidelined, or finds his/her needs not really being addressed. Often this person (sometimes more than one person) have significant self-esteem issues and isn't willing to, in his/her heart, acknowledge and ask for what s/he needs.

    Of course... this isn't always the case. But it would be rare to find a healthy situation like this in people of your age because usually there are so many issues and things to be thought through and worked out that it typically takes into your late 20s or later to be able to navigate the emotions and feelings associated with polyamorous relationships.

    Now... a big factor is what does "relationship" actually mean for you and the others you are associated with. Often in the mid-teens, "relationship" refers to a deep level of friendship that doesn't have the added complication of sexual intimacy. If that's the case, then it is perhaps less fraught with the baggage that sexually intimate polyamorous relationships tend to have, yet it is still something to think about.

    The bottom line is, if you and your two friends are all happy with the arrangement, then the opinions of others shouldn't matter. Just make sure that you're looking out for your needs, and aren't simply going along with it because, somewhere deep down, you don't think you deserve better. If you're confident as to your comfort level with things, then there's no issue.
     
  3. SkyDiver

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2012
    Messages:
    885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    I know I'm supposed to be 100% on board and comfortable with the idea, but I just can't wrap my head around it. The slippery slope argument that people use to argue against gay relationships also makes polyamory have a bitter taste in my mouth, and I feel like I won't ever get over that. I know people say society said the same thing about gay and lesbian relationships, and that being against polyamorous relationships is similar to being against those... but it's just not the same in my mind. I see the logic and reasoning behind it though.

    With that being said, I am completely okay with the right of people to live that particular life, and would never try to stop them or show hate to them. If it feels right for you, by all means - carry on. But the second something isn't quite fitting, or you have any sort of concern, I would take that seriously and perhaps distance yourself from the relationship. In the long run, it might cause some harm. Also agreed with everything Chip said.
     
    #3 SkyDiver, Dec 2, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2016
  4. Impa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2016
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    ^ This.
     
  5. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would never want to do it, but I don't care what others do with their lives. It only bugs me when It's unbalanced or has an unhealthy double standard (jealousy of some partners). In that case, why be poly.
     
  6. iiimee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2014
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In my imagination.
    I am perfectly fine with it, but yeah, there needs to be a policy of complete non-exclusiveness I think, at least if it were to work for me. Like, I think I can be exclusive or polyamorous, but I don't think I could be exclusive if the person I was exclusive to was polyamorous, just because of the double standard and unfair expectation there.
     
  7. AgenderMoose

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Missouri
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    As long as everyone's okay with it, I'm fine. Although, I have a personal idea that polyamory should work as more of a triangle than an angle, y'know? But, I mean, not everyone interprets it that way, and that's fine, as long as everyone's okay with it.
     
  8. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,680
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I feel like a dick saying this, but as long as they don't try to hit on my partner or rope him into their relationship (which has happened before), I don't care.
     
  9. KayJay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Messages:
    795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada.
    I am very open to trying it out if we both found someone that we connected with well. I think it could be very fulfilling but at the same time it could be awful. I think I actually would like to test the waters some day if the chance comes.
     
  10. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey EnchanterForest,

    I’d have to say that the idea of polyamorous relationships sounds fine to me, but I can’t see a truly happy and stable application of the idea. As Chip says, though, only a small minority of these types of relationships are actually healthy.

    Much like bigamy in cults and Islamic countries (where having up to four wives is equal), the basic idea is that everyone in the ‘marriage’ or relationship is treated equally. However, in reality, we all know that favoritism.

    Ultimately, though, If you are fine living within such a relationship, good for you. And more power to you. No one should gainsay you for whatever happiness you can find in this world.:slight_smile: