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You're not interested, what do you do?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lovetoomuch, Dec 14, 2016.

?

You're not interested online, what do you do?

  1. Respond nicely but say you aren't interested

    22 vote(s)
    88.0%
  2. Don't respond at all

    3 vote(s)
    12.0%
  3. Other

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. lovetoomuch

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    Hi guys, so I recently sent (what I thought was) a really sweet message to a guy on social media. We previously matched on a dating site and chatted for a little, but then the conversation kind of fizzled out. I have always been interested and probably more interested than he was. I wish we never matched (it happened twice actually because I deleted the app once) because it really did get my hopes us.
    He just seems down-to-earth and I find him very handsome, which are two important qualities to me; most people would probably find him cute, but probably not as handsome as I find him.

    Anyways, I sent him the message and he just left me on "Seen." So, he saw the message and did not respond.
    I now get the hint he is not interested, but it kind of hurts that I didn't even get a response. I'm the type who will at least respond if I'm not interested.

    So, what do you do when not interested? Even if you answer the poll, I would really like to hear an explanation for your answer. Thanks!

    ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2016 at 10:18 AM ----------

    My apologies, the poll option is supposed to say "Respond nicely but say you're NOT interested"
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    I'd be nice and say I'm not interested. If they push it,then I'd ignore/block them.
     
  3. Blood Elf

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    I tell them the truth, which is usually that I'm not interested. If they insist on trying to get with me still, I just cut off communications.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    I'd just say I'm not interested. Simply ignoring/ghosting is really fucking rude if you spend all that time working in a reply. I've had this happen to me so many times I just gave up initiating.
     
  5. Chiroptera

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    Pool fixed!

    First option. I have been ignored many times in the past (and recently i have been ignored by someone that was apparently signaling for some time that she was interested on me, so that really hurt).

    Ignoring someone is not a good thing in my opinion. Even if you aren't interested, it is a person, and you should at least be polite enough to tell him/her you aren't interested. After that, i think you can cease communication, but you should not totally ignore the person without leaving them a message first.

    Something appropriate would be: "Hey! I really liked our conversation/date, and i had a good time. However, i'm not interested in moving forward, and i prefer to be honest with you on this." or "Hey! Thanks for the compliments, really appreciate it! However, this isn't really working for me, and i prefer to be honest with you and stop here."

    Someone could say that the person will feel sad or hurt because of this. Well, obviously, no one likes to be rejected. However, it is best to leave someone with the impression of: "I'm sad that it didn't work, but at least he/she was honest." than simply ignoring the person. By ignoring the person, you are wasting their time, and hurting their feelings much more than if you simply ended it.
     
  6. AgenderMoose

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    Unless I get into a situation where it gets straight-up creepy, I'll just tell them nicely that I'm not interested. No reason to leave them on a limb if they're genuine and not toxic.
     
    #6 AgenderMoose, Dec 14, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2016
  7. SabreBear

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    I mean if you're me, you're awkward and say "fine" anyways.

    That's what happened with my last gf. We were friends, and I didn't see us as anything more, but she insisted so we went out. Didn't last long though.

    So I suggest being honest and upfront. Be nice at first, but if they push for it, don't be afraid to get more aggressive in your response.
     
  8. Kira

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    I always let em off easy unless they're going absolutely overboard or trying to be controlling, in which I'll block them and move on.

    I've had a few straight guys try and "win me over" like I'm some sort of carnival prize. I can get a little volatile sometimes when these types just don't get the message, so even better to block right away while I'm still "the bigger person" or whatever, haha.

    Though there was one time I found someone I genuinely liked, but I sort of felt like a bother to her and didn't know how to start a conversation so... I don't know, it's an odd feeling. That's the only time somebody I liked actually liked me back. And I probably ruined that with my awkward behavior not knowing what to do.
     
  9. Anthemic

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    It depends on the situation. In your case, this guy actually messaged you back at some point. If I were that guy, and we had spoken before, I would be friendly. Then if you asked to go out, I would politely say that I am not interested.

    If I have never spoken to someone, and they message me, I usually don't respond. I get very nervous when I have to reject someone, so I ignore them. I know it seems rude, but having to type words to reject someone I've never talked to makes me extremely uneasy. If I were the person approaching someone because I was interested, and they weren't, I'd rather they just ignore me. I wouldn't want to know the reason they aren't interested. I don't know why, lol. I guess another reason is because I've [very politely] rejected people before. I've had some pretty nasty responses, so I try my best to avoid a possible negative reaction.
     
  10. rebelAssassin

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    I would gently explain that I'm not interested, because nobody deserves to be left hanging like that. If they were persistent, I would probably block them. And if they found another way to harass me, I would get a Site Moderator involved if at all possible
     
  11. lovetoomuch

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    Thanks for the replies everyone! Yeah, it has really kind of bummed me out because I would have at least liked a response so I was not left hanging. As I said, we exchanged messages in the past before things kind of fizzled out.

    My message was: "I hope this doesn't sound too forward, but if it does I apologize. I think you are a really handsome guy and I would love to go out on a date, unless you have a boyfriend or aren't interested. Hope the end of your semester is going well! And I don't want you thinking I DM every guy because I really never do this."

    Was that too much? I assumed it is was quite innocent?
     
    #11 lovetoomuch, Dec 14, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2016
  12. Anthemic

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    Not at all. I actually would have responded to your message if I were him. Most people who message me send me one-liners. >_>

    Your message was extremely polite and decent.
     
  13. Box

    Box
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    Unfortunately I usually don't respond if I loose interest. There's probably no way I can make this sound good, because it isn't. :/ I mainly tend to do end up doing that for a few reasons. First one being that I get spammed with messages, so I would have to spend a fair amount of time just turning people down. I barely have time for anything else than work as it is. Secondly, it's emotionally draining for me And it stresses me out, I have a serious problem with feeling guilt when turning someone down. In short, only selfish reasons.

    I would respond to that, it wasn't too much.