Okay, so a few weeks ago, I got a little creeped out by something that happened at work, and I was wondering what you would have done if you were me. Basically, I was working behind the till, and the shop was pretty busy so my boss was also there to help out, as well as another co-worker. My boss asked if he could borrow my pen, and I said "yes", meaning "I'll get it for you in a moment", because the pen was in the breast pocket of my shirt, except I don't think my boss realised that because he literally just reached across to me and tried to grab the pen out of my pocket. On my chest. Here's the thing: I do not like being touched by people I'm not close to, so I freaked the hell out and jumped backwards, because it caught me by surprise, I guess. And because I thought it was a little weird for my boss, who is a couple of decades older than me, to touch me there? I told my sister and she thought it was weird, but I don't know? My boss apologised afterwards, but I'm not sure how I should feel about it. It wasn't as if he did it in private or anything, it was on the shop floor, but I can't help feeling that it's a pretty inappropriate thing to do... Thoughts? Thanks for reading!
Um, yeah, I don't like being touched either (especially unexpectedly) so I'd have probably had a pretty similar reaction. And that is kind of weird.
Hey Gunsmoke, You know, I think this type of thing is totally situation-dependent. Speaking for myself, if I’ve worked with you for a while such that we are at least acquaintances in addition to being coworkers, I might very well have done the same thing after you agree to loan me your pen. After all, I reason, the only thing I was grabbing was your pen and you already told me that I could. In retrospect, however, I could totally see your point of view. Your boss apologized and I assume he has never done anything before or since that you would consider sexual harassment, right? So, I would suggest that you give him the benefit of the doubt and let this incident go. I mean, do you want to get him in potential trouble over this? Or call attention to yourself as an employee if the management thinks that you are making a ‘mountain out of a molehill?’ Tbh, this just seems like a really innocent, though awkward incident to me. Just my 2cents.
Meh. No biggie. To me, when someone asks if they can borrow a pen that is in a pocket, it mean to me, "Can I grab the pen?" Not necessarily an appropriate question since it's in a pocket BUT i've often asked things such as that and because in my head, it seemed to me that I was asking permission but not always do two people hear/think the same way. I'd say it was just a communication mix up. As you were surprised, I would say he isn't a creep or your gut would have noticed sooner. Chalk it up to everyone deserving second chances, I'd say. Besides, life is too short to sweat the small stuff...
I see both points. At work there are times when a coworker (male) has a pen in his safety vest and I need it (to sign papers or notices) and I will grab it if he's too busy (sometimes has hands full). But, he's a guy and I'm a guy. Had he been a she, I wouldn't really do that because I treat women differently than men. However, I also don't like being touched without notice (this might extend to personal life, so if I were to have a boyfriend I might have to have a serious talk). The things that might diminish what your boss did include: A) He considers you "one of the guys," B) it was a "heat of the moment, everyone's super busy" situation, C) word choices made the request an implicit permission request to grab your pen.
If it was an isolated incident and he apologized I would have let it go. People do awkward stuff all the time, and that is most defiantly awkward. Now it was a pattern of behavior, then would have a conversation. It would be one of those conversations where I talk and he listens. If that didn't work I would take it up with HR or higher management.
He might not have meant it if he truly did apologize. Sounds like he didn't intend for it to be sexual. However, make it clear that it will not be tolerated in the future without asking permission.
Hr most likely didn't mean anything by it. Just figured it was alright. He said sorry, so you should just forget about it and move on.
I've had a similar occurrence before, you probably handled it a lot better than me. In my case I had sort of held a little bit of a grudge and refused to speak for a while, not even bothering to explain why I was upset in the first place.
As a store manager it is very important to remain totally professional. I work very closely with a small team I would never do that to a colleague, but that may be due to that fact I also hate being touched. I hope he realised this was Inappropriate and hopefully your reaction will stop it happening again. If not speak to your boss or hr department who can help you. Xx
Oh, I wasn't planning on reporting him or anything. I'd actually mostly forgotten about the incident until I told my sister about it, and her reaction just had me wondering how other people would react in a similar incident. I think he was apologising for shocking me rather than randomly touching me, but an apology is an apology and I'd be willing to let it go, except... He does seem to be a bit touchy, like today I knocked my back on something and he reached out and rubbed it, which I was a bit "aghhh" about because as I said, I really do not like being touched (but I'm unwilling to tell him this because I don't want to be awkward? Also, I'm closer to some of my coworkers and I don't mind them touching me, so I don't want my boss thinking that I hate him). I'm not claiming that I'm being harrassed or anything, I know that I am not. I just really wish he'd stop touching me and I don't know how to deal with it. ---------- Post added 17th Dec 2016 at 06:20 PM ---------- ((Also thanks for the replies!))
In that case, I think you should definitely be up-front with him and say that you don't like to be touched. Setting boundaries, even with your boss (especially with you boss), is important. Make it clear and simple, something like, "It makes me feel uncomfortable when other people touch me." That way, you make your boundary clear, and if he crosses the line again, you can take the problem to the higher-ups in your organization. No one has the right to touch you, whether they're your boss or anyone else. You have the power and the authority over your own body to tell others to stop.
Yeah I would feel weird about that. Its very good that he apologized. i am not sure if he meant it in a sexual way. I hope not. You did say the store was busy and being that it is the holiday season he might have used bad judgement because he felt he needed to move faster. Like oh snap he store is packed I need the pen right now so i can get on to the next task he probably was just worrying about being quick. I think it is very good that he knows now that you don't like that type of interaction. So there is no room for a next encounter like that. he now knows how important consent is to you.