(FRUSTRATED) To the Young and Good-Looking, Gay white men...

No matter how "hot" someone is (or thinks he is), just remember that they'll get old and wrinkly one day.

Obviously we can't help who we're attracted to either. I'm certain you'll meet someone sooner or later.

 

I agree with you... and since I do, I must be either not white, not hot, and/or not "young." Hm.

But seriously, dating apps are crappy in general. The "dating" part is non-existent. I don't venture often into gay clubs or other gay meeting places in real life too often, but I wonder if it's much better.... I would hope so, but doubtful. I really hate the gay community for it's focus on sex (at least I perceive most gay groups etc as being more sex-centric, which some will say is just being more free sexuality but screw that; it's also very superficial). I will say that it's a problem that does transcend all cultures though, in my opinion. Being white does appear to give you a head-start in being "conventionally attractive" on these gay apps and such, but I've met some black, Latino, and Asian guys who were attractive and assholes as well!

However, I didn't realize how badly the whole gay scene affects people until I started talked to a gay guy who was Mexican whom I met on Facebook. I really liked him! Sometimes he would get self conscious and explain that he doesn't understand how I could like him and in part it was because he was "brown." Like, I didn't even understand. How does being white make people feel somehow unworthy of me? It doesn't matter to me! But, it really does make people feel somehow less deserving of other people'a affections and that makes me sad. I always thought it was ironic: white people want to get nice tan skin, while dark-skinned people want to be lighter. Are we never happy with ourselves?

 

I can have sympathy for the racial undertones of American society. I am white myself so I can't really know what it feels like, but regardless I am so sorry for this.


As an ugly queer guy, though, I don't have a lot of sympathy.

 

I suppose it matters here that I am from the UK, where race is a different issue but perhaps you are putting far too much pressure on yourself to find a divide here. In summary it appears that you are frustrated with being attracted to white men (for a number of reasons) but what you didn't really say is why. If you removed the 'white' from this and just said 'men', there would be pages of posts about your internalized homophobia. Perhaps this is a mix of that as well as some internalized racism?

Social media and dating apps are not real life. People only present what they want others to see and sadly this is a strategy that works in favour of the shallow, self loving, gym bunnies obsessed with physical appearance and social dominance. That doesn't mean that these guys aren't trapped in the same social cycle as everyone else, they just have different problems. Imagine the buff, healthy white guy in his twenty-somethings that has a big crush for sweet intelligent Asian guys. In his social circle, he's maybe facing pretty much the same pressures that you are and when he tries meeting guys he likes -regardless of the judging comments from his friends and conservative family- the guys he asks out just dismiss him as another dumb, shallow privileged white guy trying to carry out his Asian fantasy. -Sometimes life just isn't easy.

I don't want you to think I'm belittling your problems here but finding ideal dating partners is difficult for everyone because it is a time when we most have to look at ourselves and consider how others perceive us. It's just human nature to focus on our own perceived flaws, which are usually the ones that we have been conditioned to accept by the world around us. For example, our race, appearance, interests, masculinity, wealth, age,... the list goes on. The key to overcoming this is to be aware of your own prejudice, build up your self confidence and be aware of how you make others feel.
- Maybe you could invest in this area with some self help, therapy or life coach etc. It's not a weakness to work on new strengths :icon_wink

The bottom line is this; if you are attracted to white guys, who cares (though I suspect maybe your friends wouldn't approve - if so ignore them), so long as you find happiness. Just try to make a good choice and meet guys that like you as much as they love themselves.
! one small tip though if you are going to pursue relationships with hot white guys is don't mention their 'privilege' because, regardless of context and intention, it is the best way to offend and patronise a guy due to the excessive misuse of the term recently.

It's not much use now but be assured that some day in the near future you will be happily coupled with a guy just as amazing as you and all this will be a distant memory. In a few days time the new year begins, I hope it's a good one for you :icon_bigg

 

First of all, never apologise for the way that you feel, secondly, the state of the dating app scene is honestly so toxic that it would make you want to hideaway forever. If you're going to take anything from this message please let it be this: you're a beautiful person and someone is going to love you for your looks and (imo the more important of the two) personality.

The eurocentric angle of beauty is almost exclusively perpetuated around the world and it's damaging so many attractive, healthy and for all intents and purposes "perfect" guys.

I am Caucasian myself and honestly I am so sorry that some "above-averagely good-looking" assholes have gotten you down over something like this. This isn't going to help but I will have to revert to the old maxim that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I truthfully believe that.

Mr.Right is out there somewhere, I'm going to be real with you though, he may be hard to find or he could stick out like a sore thumb he will be that perfect but, in the long run once you've found him, the legions of painfully average douchebags won't seem so important or glorified.

 

Steve
Your young, good looking, have a good job, you WILL find a partner that you will be able to spend your life with!

There is no denying that gay white gay culture is very fickle, everything is about looks, age, and #### size. You know as a nurse that everyone is going to get old and loose their looks. 8 out of 10 young guys do not know how to read a tape measure correctly.

If there where 100 "perfect" guys standing in line how many would be addicted to sex, porn, drink, drugs, ect. You don't want some one who might beat on you or treat you poorly.

It's what is inside that matters if you want a relationship to last.

Take Care
Dean

 

My reply won't be as in depth or intellectual (yet).

I am "mixed", but you can't really tell it so I'm considered "white"

I take a look at the "hot" guys on magazine covers, youtube, etc etc.., and this is all I think

"Shallow" (Which is a judgement I need to work on, but it happens oh so often.)

I would also feel intimidated because I don't find myself nearly as attractive and would be trying to build myself up beside them. For me, this goes for all ethnic backgrounds because my attraction tends to slink away from white.

Seriously though, it will happen.. at least that is what I keep telling myself. I live in a straight, white, judge mental, scared-to-be-gay part of the country and I still have some hope.

 

This might help

The Problems of Being Very Beautiful - The School of Life - YouTube

With weaknesses, comes strengths; with strengths, comes weaknesses

I think, at a general scope of everything, it's relatively fair game.

Be well!

:icon_bigg

 

I hate this whole privilege thing. There's no privilege, point blank period, there are just people who are narrow-minded enough to discriminate based off ethnicity, sexual orientation and so on. I refuse being told I'm privileged just because some jerks who happen to be in my racial class made you feel like crap.

 

Your first mistake was going on a dating app and expecting a decent person.

 

Ive seen the same things occur all the time. It is very frustrating, and i definitely don't see why they should get anything out of it. I am white, i am gay, however, im about as unattractive as one could be. I am very overweight and i behave very strangely due to being Asperger's, which is the one of hardest and most hated things i have to live with.

 

Perhaps you could try a "real" dating app vs those apps that are mainly for hookups. Since I can't name app names, here's a rule of thumb: if it has a sexual role preference as one of the basic profile details (i.e. Top bottom or versatile) it's a hookup app.

---------- Post added 26th Dec 2016 at 05:20 PM ----------

Also, Steve, in vino veritas :lol:.

 

^Privilige definitely exists; the people who use the term to shut others up or make them feel guilty about the way they are ruin it. Privilege as word also just implies certain negative things.

 

Are you serious?! Every white gay guy I've ever known has a strong attraction for Asian men. You must be talking to pure scum. You'd probably have more luck meeting decent people at LGBT events.

I agree with this.