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Does "gaydar" exist?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ConnectedToWall, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. ConnectedToWall

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    My opinion would tend to be that it depends on how you define it. If you define it as the ability to discover if someone is gay through questioning and observation of their behavior I would say that it probably does. But I don't think you can tell someone's sexuality by just looking at them.
    What are your opinions?
     
  2. Creativemind

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    It can be easy to tell with some, harder to tell with others. NOBODY knows that I'm gay without straight up asking me. Most people have been wrong. So....It's hard to know if it truly exists based on my experiences.
     
  3. guitar

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  4. bunnydee

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    IRL before I went into extreme denial. I just always found myself surrounded by others who were LGBT. It was like we were magnetized to each other. I could move across country and end up in an area community with them as neighbors never knowing the community was there beforehand. In friendships, after while it would just come out between one of us of our orientation.

    So yes, I believe in gaydar but on a subconscious mutual connection level. The like-minded or LGBTIQ just have a way of finding each other when it is not forced.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Jan 2017 at 09:49 PM ----------

    Parts of that I could okay I see that. But 'how the person sits or their voice level', unless they are exaggerated to an extreme, I disagree you can tell by that.

    I look completely feminine, but when comfortable sit spread legged like a man. My husband looks masculine, but when comfortable sits cross legged.
    Uhmmm maybe not making a good case here as I am lesbian and my husband may be gay.... No, I still don't believe how a person sits or voice level is an indicator unless it is overtly exaggerated such as the 'flamboyant gay'.
     
  5. OGS

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    I would say it does, simply from personal experience. Over the past twenty some-odd years I have very rarely been wrong, even though on a few occasions it took years to be proven right.:lol: I don't honestly know how it works--for me it's more of a gestalt type thing. I could be certain about someone and not even be able to tell you why. I will say that for me it is much more difficult to tell with women--my assumption has always been that that is because I'm a guy rather than because it's just harder to tell with women, but I don't suppose I really know.
     
  6. Creativemind

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    I was going to say this. My opinion is that It's a bit easier to tell with men, but sometimes impossible to tell with women. It's not just because of stereotypes either (though most lesbians actually are feminine). Even the behavior is split. There are a lot of straight girls who flirt with girls as a joke, but aren't really into them. Men would never be allowed to get away with that without being questioned. So counting that as a clue sometimes means nothing for women.

    I'm a lesbian but I don't show any "lesbian behavior". I am very shy and conservative so I wouldn't flirt with random girls or anything. I also don't make eye contact with anyone all that well. And I'm not all that attracted to strangers...I never check out female bodies, my sexual attraction is based more on personality or emotional connection. Very hard to tell with someone like me.
     
  7. Blue Pigeon

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    I think it does... but mostly because I think deep down we try to send subtle hints to each other. In a world that is so hetero-centric, I think we need to make some sort of connection with others like us. Even LGBT+ folks who are subtle I think try to "get the message across." Paying attention to and receiving that message is 'gayer.'
     
  8. Anthemic

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    I truly believe it does. My gaydar is 90% accurate. 9 times out of 10, I've been right about my suspicions of someone. :slight_smile:
     
  9. lonewolf79

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    If it does, then I know I don't have it. I can't tell at all. Some of my friends claim to be able to tell but they've been wrong before ...
     
  10. ConnectedToWall

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    I don't know if this means my subconscious mind can tell or not but two of the people I had huge crushes on growing up turned out to be bisexual-- though I had always thought they were straight, so maybe it was just a coincidence. Also, I got to know them a bit before crushing, so I wonder if something they did indicated their attraction to females and my subconscious picked up on that and that's why I developed a crush on them? I always thought I was attracted to straight girls before I found out those crushes were bisexual.
    For those of you who do feel like you have gaydar, how long does it take you before you "know"? What are the signals they give off?
     
  11. bunnydee

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    For me it wasn't anything overt, just a feeling of belonging. These were the people I was supposed to be around. Ir was confirmed through conversation.
     
  12. Snow

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    If a gaydar does exist, mine's broken.
     
  13. rebelAssassin

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    As said previously, most of the time someone's sexuality isn't obvious. It can be (like Ellen deGeneres) but I've found that most people who are LGBTQ+ are good at hiding it. They may come from a family life where that's unacceptable, or they may have been treated poorly for it elsewhere. For me, the 'gaydar' works somewhat like a homing beacon. I am drawn to people who are also not 100% straight. In some, it's fairly easy to tell, but with most it's just a feeling I get. It can range anywhere on the scale from "This person won't judge me," to "Holy crap, this kid is adorable and amazing, he has to be gay." I've only been wrong about someone being gay once, and I'm 99% sure he's either bi or in extreme denial.
     
  14. ConnectedToWall

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    Okay, but lesbians aren't necessarily more masculine and gay people aren't necessarily more feminine. That's just a stereotype. Perhaps it's more likely for people who are out and therefore want to be perceived as gay or lesbian to take on those mannerisms, but I'm pretty sure someone in the closet would intentionally not do those things and someone who wasn't thinking about it wouldn't necessarily do those things.

    ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2017 at 04:20 PM ----------

    You're lucky to be so accurate! How long would you say does it take for you to tell?
     
  15. Assassin'sKat

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    It exists. I read a theory somewhere that some people can tell by the hormones someone let's off? That might be bs though, and I don't remember where I read it. But there is a vibe that some people might let off that you can just tell and usually be right.

    ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2017 at 05:13 PM ----------

    Same

    ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2017 at 05:14 PM ----------

    I'm pretty feminine and somehow people wind up knowing I'm gay before I tell them.
     
  16. WriterArtGirl

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    I agree that if it exists it's on the subconscious level. While I think it is possible to notice other people who are gay or lesbian based on stereotypes, but as we all know, these stereotypes are limiting and may not always be true. For me, I feel like I have always been drawn to people in the LGBTQ+ community. I am not sure what this pull really is, but I know that I have always felt happier and more included when I am in the LGBTQ+ community. Even when I was unaware that I was a lesbian and later in denial, I felt like I had to be friends with people that I later discovered were gay.
     
  17. AKindOfMagic

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    I think that,as someone's who is lgbt, it may be easier to pick up on subtle cues that some straight, cisgender people might not notice, because they do not know what it's like.
     
  18. Pneumaura

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    Most people assume that I am heterosexual. But half the time if someone asks and I tell them I am gay, they say something along the lines of, "Oh, well that actually makes some sense." Normally the only people that may possibly assume my sexual orientation as not being completely straight are girls that I flirt with or make that racy eye contact with. I would say that the gaydar does exist but I believe its the same as simply having the ability to tell that someone is into you, just of the same sex.
     
  19. Weregild

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    I think the more you're exposed to the LGBT community, the more likely you'll be able to find people of this same group.
     
  20. Blackrainbow

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    I was studying psychology at one point and I remember coming across a study where groups of people looked at photographs of other people's faces and had to guess their sexuality. From what I recall, straight woman were the most successful in guessing whether or not a man was gay (moreso than other gay men apparently?) And straight men were seemingly the worst at assessing gayness in others by looks alone.

    I can't say I have a particularly skilled gaydar, unless I think the person is dropping hints subconciously or otherwise. Stereotypical clothing/haircuts can be a giveaway, but maybe not as much in recent years since dressing 'metrosexual' for men and kind of butch/androgynous for woman is something of a trend. When someone doesn't use direct language to describe their significant other (calling them 'they' or partner, rather than boy/girlfriend) I think they can be subtly trying to encourage other's acceptance. I find myself doing this one actually.

    I feel like a lot of LGBT people, especially those in a close community, or without much experience do base their judgments on people's looks more than anything else. For me at least, this is kind of a bummer since I'm very feminine and definitely not bold enough to make the first move.