Does she swing that way? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

RaeofLite · 9th Apr 2009, 07:08 PM

I have quesetions, how to tell if a fellow femle or woman(to any guys answering), is bisexual or lesbian.

The following I've noticed:
flannel(sometime though it seems to be a growing trend with anyone), anything rainbow, the axe necklace thing, wearing manly type clothing,

But how can I dress up and get noticed too? Other than wearing my dressshirts+ties. haha... So far I've started carrying my wallet and cell phone more rather than in a purse and that might work... don't know.

Is there any real clothing or accessories that are blatantly obvious that I should be looking for or using myself as well?

thebikelady · 9th Apr 2009, 08:08 PM

http://www.cardcarryinglesbian.com/h...os-lesbianonic Came across this today.

Thisisnew · 9th Apr 2009, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thebikelady

http://www.cardcarryinglesbian.com/h...os-lesbianonic Came across this today.

Haha that's awesome I have heard of the purple string one oddly.

MLCarr · 10th Apr 2009, 08:45 AM

Seriously? Wow...lets just say this: I used to care and want to show things outwardly, but I've learned it's not worth it. I used to wear a rainbow 'camp' bracelet that one of the other counselors made for all the girls who weren't quite straight. I used to wear a promise ring too (that came off for good reasons...so much for church). One thing I still wear is my circle pendant that says 'strength' that I made a hemp coker out of...but after all my little brother gave me the pendant. And a watch, but that's more for scuba diving than anything. Yeah, I basically don't wear anything that yells "I'M GAY!" anymore.

So how do you know I'm gay? You don't. ;-) I mean obviously I'll show up on gaydar if you care to look around, and I never talk about dating infront of my straight friends. If you pay attention and have half a brain to put two and two together you'll figure me out. If you can't put the two together, honey you're not worth my time.

Elesbian47 · 10th Apr 2009, 10:32 AM

I don't meet any of your criteria and I'm an out lesbian. I'm torn about your post and what I think of lesbians conforming to a "blatantly obvious" schema. You probably just want to find and attract the right ladies, but I suggest you just be yourself and wear what works for you. The real trick is giving and reading the eye contact and being fun and confident you. If you accomplish this and she is lesbian or bisexual, she'll be drawn to you no matter what you're wearing.

I do think there is value in projecting your gayness to the world. It kind of makes a self-affirming statement like "I know I'm different and I'm good with me. I'm proud of who I am so don't dare try to shame me into conformity." Being somewhat obvious may help closeted gays realize they're not alone or sick or destined to an unhappy life. But I don't want us to be stereotyped into a box either. Lesbians come in many different types, styles and personalities. Portia deRossi is no less lesbian than Rosie O'Donnell. We can be out of the closet in lipstick, heels and a dress.

I'm happy that gays are making their presence known to the country, but I feel that us becoming one stereotype of a lesbian could harm our chances at equal respect. Its easy to become a "them" to hate when we're all wearing flannel and axe necklaces. I want my community to get to know me and realize that I'm just like them, I work and live for time with my family that I cherish. I don't need to broadcast that I love my girlfriend with a button because our coworkers will far better understand when they see us share a smile, a touch, or a dance at the christmas party. They'll know of our love when they hear one side of our telephone call or see us stand up for the respect of our relationship if someone tries to closet us. I think we can live with pride and dignity without wearing the gay pride flag.

Again, I'm thankful that gays have been wearing gay flags because we're no longer invisible. But the idea that we should dress a certain lesbian way seems to strip our wonderful unique selves down to a label of "lesbian." Our representation of self should be based on more than our sexuality.

But if you want to be the obvious lesbian, buy some lesbian tshirts, get a homohawk or only wear a ponytail, pop the color on your polo with horizontal stripes, don't forget the cargo pants or occasional camouflage, don't wear makeup, don't wear earrings or jewelry other than hemp and silver, use only sports bras, gain some weight, wear your jeans too big, work on your machismo, tell funny jokes, play sports, love vests, wear comfortable shoes, keep your fingernails short...
Do you really want to be so uncreative? You are already a lesbian, you don't have to dress the part to be one or to find others. If you're only looking for flannel you're gonna miss out on lots of great people, including yourself.

9th Apr 2009, 07:08 PM	#1
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Does she swing that way? I have quesetions, how to tell if a fellow femle or woman(to any guys answering), is bisexual or lesbian. The following I've noticed: flannel(sometime though it seems to be a growing trend with anyone), anything rainbow, the axe necklace thing, wearing manly type clothing, But how can I dress up and get noticed too? Other than wearing my dressshirts+ties. haha... So far I've started carrying my wallet and cell phone more rather than in a purse and that might work... don't know. Is there any real clothing or accessories that are blatantly obvious that I should be looking for or using myself as well? __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

9th Apr 2009, 08:08 PM	#2
thebikelady EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: 9? Age: 28 Posts: 485 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Does she swing that way? http://www.cardcarryinglesbian.com/h...os-lesbianonic Came across this today.

10th Apr 2009, 08:45 AM	#4
MLCarr n00b Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: If you ask, I'm not gonna lie... Location: Waco, Texas Age: 23 Posts: 164 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Does she swing that way? Seriously? Wow...lets just say this: I used to care and want to show things outwardly, but I've learned it's not worth it. I used to wear a rainbow 'camp' bracelet that one of the other counselors made for all the girls who weren't quite straight. I used to wear a promise ring too (that came off for good reasons...so much for church). One thing I still wear is my circle pendant that says 'strength' that I made a hemp coker out of...but after all my little brother gave me the pendant. And a watch, but that's more for scuba diving than anything. Yeah, I basically don't wear anything that yells "I'M GAY!" anymore. So how do you know I'm gay? You don't. ;-) I mean obviously I'll show up on gaydar if you care to look around, and I never talk about dating infront of my straight friends. If you pay attention and have half a brain to put two and two together you'll figure me out. If you can't put the two together, honey you're not worth my time. __________________ "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 (Here's for hope...)

10th Apr 2009, 10:32 AM	#5
Elesbian47 HI from RI! Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Stacey-Sexual! Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Providence! Posts: 67 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Does she swing that way? I don't meet any of your criteria and I'm an out lesbian. I'm torn about your post and what I think of lesbians conforming to a "blatantly obvious" schema. You probably just want to find and attract the right ladies, but I suggest you just be yourself and wear what works for you. The real trick is giving and reading the eye contact and being fun and confident you. If you accomplish this and she is lesbian or bisexual, she'll be drawn to you no matter what you're wearing. I do think there is value in projecting your gayness to the world. It kind of makes a self-affirming statement like "I know I'm different and I'm good with me. I'm proud of who I am so don't dare try to shame me into conformity." Being somewhat obvious may help closeted gays realize they're not alone or sick or destined to an unhappy life. But I don't want us to be stereotyped into a box either. Lesbians come in many different types, styles and personalities. Portia deRossi is no less lesbian than Rosie O'Donnell. We can be out of the closet in lipstick, heels and a dress. I'm happy that gays are making their presence known to the country, but I feel that us becoming one stereotype of a lesbian could harm our chances at equal respect. Its easy to become a "them" to hate when we're all wearing flannel and axe necklaces. I want my community to get to know me and realize that I'm just like them, I work and live for time with my family that I cherish. I don't need to broadcast that I love my girlfriend with a button because our coworkers will far better understand when they see us share a smile, a touch, or a dance at the christmas party. They'll know of our love when they hear one side of our telephone call or see us stand up for the respect of our relationship if someone tries to closet us. I think we can live with pride and dignity without wearing the gay pride flag. Again, I'm thankful that gays have been wearing gay flags because we're no longer invisible. But the idea that we should dress a certain lesbian way seems to strip our wonderful unique selves down to a label of "lesbian." Our representation of self should be based on more than our sexuality. But if you want to be the obvious lesbian, buy some lesbian tshirts, get a homohawk or only wear a ponytail, pop the color on your polo with horizontal stripes, don't forget the cargo pants or occasional camouflage, don't wear makeup, don't wear earrings or jewelry other than hemp and silver, use only sports bras, gain some weight, wear your jeans too big, work on your machismo, tell funny jokes, play sports, love vests, wear comfortable shoes, keep your fingernails short... Do you really want to be so uncreative? You are already a lesbian, you don't have to dress the part to be one or to find others. If you're only looking for flannel you're gonna miss out on lots of great people, including yourself.