Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Tim · 12th Apr 2009, 10:38 AM

So, my friend and I were talking (still not sure how we got onto the topics we talked about), but in a nutshell, he essentially told me I wasn't gay. (Yes, he's straight for those wondering, but his dad is gay XD)

Why pray tell do you ask? Because I have no desire to have sex with men.

Now, I can't really explain this, but I have no desire for sex period, but I am attracted to men. I just don't find sex appealing ._.

So, my question: What do you guys think um... How should I word this, Um... characterizes someone as being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual?

Miles D · 12th Apr 2009, 10:43 AM

I feel the same as you. Sex just doesn't seem that great...
Maybe we're gay asexuals.

Mickey · 12th Apr 2009, 10:50 AM

I'm one that believes that you don't have to have sex to actually be gay.
It's also about attraction,emotions and how you think.
Who knows,maybe eventually you'll find the one person that makes you feel sexual.
It may have something to do with self-acceptance. The more you accept yourself,the better the chances of letting your guard down.
I'm not really sure,but that's my opinion.

aerwolfen · 12th Apr 2009, 10:51 AM

being upon as you are and fantasizing about men is normal,who said you had to get into bed with all your interests, to me shows yo have a level head on your shoulders ,you know what you lke and want without bowing down to temptation,nothing wrong with having morals,i say good for you,your normal ! we all have opinions choices,that we follow,your gay,we know it most importantly you know it and accept it, but since when is there a code of conduct that we must follow,the only one you really need to follow is your heart, why question it.it is what makes you special, i like that,good for you ,continue living for yourself,your the most important person ,and you have to live with yourself ,be happy and proud.

partietraumatic · 12th Apr 2009, 10:54 AM

maybe its possible that there is 'emotionally gay' and 'sexually gay'...i dunno,just gonna throw that out there. personally im attracted to guys on both levels. But i know people who are the opposite of what youve described- ie the only thing that attracts them to guys is a sexual thing...

Eccentric · 12th Apr 2009, 11:41 AM

There are loads of people, gay, straight, or whatever, whose lives don't revolve around sex. So you're attracted to guys, so what? There's so much more to life than just guys.

SailingKoala · 12th Apr 2009, 12:25 PM

It's not for anybody else to label you, or tell you what you are or not. Like Mickey says it's all about emotions and level of attraction and you will find someone that you find sexual attraction too. I find I have 2 very distinct groups of attractions 1 group is a mentally/ emotional attraction someone who I could talk forever with, and the other is just simply sexual - I still hope to find the one that is both.... so for now I say be happy be yourself and not let what others wanna say change who you are.

pianolover95 · 12th Apr 2009, 01:11 PM

You don't have to have sex to be straight. You don't have to have sex to be gay. I think being gay is just the attraction toward members of the same sex.

Apocalypte · 12th Apr 2009, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pianolover95

You don't have to have sex to be straight. You don't have to have sex to be gay. I think being gay is just the attraction toward members of the same sex.

This... this exactly is how I feel.

Jamie G · 12th Apr 2009, 04:40 PM

I wasnt aware you had to have actually had sex, or specifically want sex with a person of the same sex to be 'classified' if you like, as gay. You can be attracted to people emotionally, and or physically, you may love someones body but may not find you like there personality, and vis-versa.

Also some people have a much higher sex drive than others it's not a bad thing or a good thing, some people just don't want much or any sex at all, it's all down to the individual.

I personally belive that if you are happy with what you are attracted too you don't need to label it, i persoanlly found it helpful the first time I truly accepted myself, and the label I found I liked, but it's not for everyone..you are what you are just be happy!

Jeimuzu · 12th Apr 2009, 05:45 PM

Gay sex is enjoyable to straight guys. Straight guys have prostates too, and a bj will feel good whoever is giving you it. Sex isn't the measure of sexuality; it's so much more than that. I think sex is part of it, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it's a major one.

Jaqua · 13th Apr 2009, 06:05 AM

Kind of in the same position.
I identify as Pansexual (in the sense I simply fall in love)
But sexually, i'm asexual.
Sex sounds interesting, but I really have no desire to do anything of the sort.

Just Adam · 13th Apr 2009, 06:12 AM

sex is just a physical way of showing love and an animalistic form of pleasure you can be gay emotionally fine without having sex. i look at a lot of guys and feel nothing just like i do with women beeing gay doesent mean you see a guy and want to pounce on him.... just that you are attracted to them in a whole and it goes deeper than physical

your mate just dont understand the difference between physical expression and emotional

**Eleanor Rigby** · 13th Apr 2009, 10:16 AM

I think that if you are attracted to men, then you are gay. The fact that you don't feel sexual urge doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you are gay or not.
My husband clearly identifies himself has straight, because he only feels attraction for women, the fact that sex doesn't interest him at all doesn't interfer with the fact that he feels straight.

pianomike · 13th Apr 2009, 11:35 AM

Being gay isn't all about sex (although that's part of it) but just loving and being loved.

nametakenagain · 13th Apr 2009, 11:35 AM

I'd say that you are asexual and homoromantic.

12th Apr 2009, 10:38 AM	#1
Tim Psycho Glitter Btch Full Member Gender:* Guy, Unless Life Was a Horrible April Fools Joke. Orientation: Gay/Asexual/Confusing to Explain Out Status: Armed and Fabulous! XD Location: California Age: 23 Posts: 7,381 Join Date: Mar 2008	Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) So, my friend and I were talking (still not sure how we got onto the topics we talked about), but in a nutshell, he essentially told me I wasn't gay. (Yes, he's straight for those wondering, but his dad is gay XD) Why pray tell do you ask? Because I have no desire to have sex with men. Now, I can't really explain this, but I have no desire for sex period, but I am attracted to men. I just don't find sex appealing ._. So, my question: What do you guys think um... How should I word this, Um... characterizes someone as being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual? __________________ Rawr! :3 ~The Stalker User Known As Tim~ Rawr! :3 EC's Sailor Star Healer, Oxymoron and All. Star Sensitive Inferno! Sailor Starlight, Stage On! [Vic] 7:49 pm: I keep my pants off in public.

12th Apr 2009, 10:43 AM	#2
Miles D Rude... and not ginger. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: queer Out Status: everyone Location: San Diego, CA ⇒ Great Barrington, MA Age: 20 Posts: 1,171 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) I feel the same as you. Sex just doesn't seem that great... Maybe we're gay asexuals. __________________ Bowties are cool. Fezzes are cool.

12th Apr 2009, 10:50 AM	#3
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 50 Posts: 1,775 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) I'm one that believes that you don't have to have sex to actually be gay. It's also about attraction,emotions and how you think. Who knows,maybe eventually you'll find the one person that makes you feel sexual. It may have something to do with self-acceptance. The more you accept yourself,the better the chances of letting your guard down. I'm not really sure,but that's my opinion. __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

12th Apr 2009, 10:51 AM	#4
aerwolfen Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: and a few friends Location: winnipeg manitoba Age: 49 Posts: 178 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) being upon as you are and fantasizing about men is normal,who said you had to get into bed with all your interests, to me shows yo have a level head on your shoulders ,you know what you lke and want without bowing down to temptation,nothing wrong with having morals,i say good for you,your normal ! we all have opinions choices,that we follow,your gay,we know it most importantly you know it and accept it, but since when is there a code of conduct that we must follow,the only one you really need to follow is your heart, why question it.it is what makes you special, i like that,good for you ,continue living for yourself,your the most important person ,and you have to live with yourself ,be happy and proud. __________________ if your looking for me,when times are rough,and your feeling abit odd,jump onto my rainbow,it leads to cloud nine,no worries,I'll be there with open arms and a hug for peaceful bliss.

12th Apr 2009, 10:54 AM	#5
partietraumatic A gay heteropolitan? Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Enough for now Location: Oxford and Birmingham, UK Age: 20 Posts: 1,300 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) maybe its possible that there is 'emotionally gay' and 'sexually gay'...i dunno,just gonna throw that out there. personally im attracted to guys on both levels. But i know people who are the opposite of what youve described- ie the only thing that attracts them to guys is a sexual thing... __________________ 'Im not your toy and this isn't another girl meets boy'

12th Apr 2009, 11:41 AM	#6
Eccentric Call me Andy. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Location: Texas Age: 18 Posts: 391 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) There are loads of people, gay, straight, or whatever, whose lives don't revolve around sex. So you're attracted to guys, so what? There's so much more to life than just guys.

12th Apr 2009, 12:25 PM	#7
SailingKoala Sailing is a Part of Me Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People that don't know don't matter Location: Oxford Age: 33 Posts: 140 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) It's not for anybody else to label you, or tell you what you are or not. Like Mickey says it's all about emotions and level of attraction and you will find someone that you find sexual attraction too. I find I have 2 very distinct groups of attractions 1 group is a mentally/ emotional attraction someone who I could talk forever with, and the other is just simply sexual - I still hope to find the one that is both.... so for now I say be happy be yourself and not let what others wanna say change who you are. __________________ "Life is a futile effort, to escape death for as long as possible. Living life for the moment no one survives...Death"

12th Apr 2009, 01:11 PM	#8
pianolover95 Well Known Full Member Gender: Guy Orientation: Gay Out Status: Couple friends Location: USA Age: 17 Posts: 106 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) You don't have to have sex to be straight. You don't have to have sex to be gay. I think being gay is just the attraction toward members of the same sex.

12th Apr 2009, 04:40 PM	#10
Jamie G Easy Going Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: West Midlands, UK Age: 19 Posts: 11 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) I wasnt aware you had to have actually had sex, or specifically want sex with a person of the same sex to be 'classified' if you like, as gay. You can be attracted to people emotionally, and or physically, you may love someones body but may not find you like there personality, and vis-versa. Also some people have a much higher sex drive than others it's not a bad thing or a good thing, some people just don't want much or any sex at all, it's all down to the individual. I personally belive that if you are happy with what you are attracted too you don't need to label it, i persoanlly found it helpful the first time I truly accepted myself, and the label I found I liked, but it's not for everyone..you are what you are just be happy!

12th Apr 2009, 05:45 PM	#11
Jeimuzu Wreck Cognition Full Member Gender: Heterogametic Orientation: Rawr. Out Status: 99% out. Location: Middlesbrough Age: 23 Posts: 1,744 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) Gay sex is enjoyable to straight guys. Straight guys have prostates too, and a bj will feel good whoever is giving you it. Sex isn't the measure of sexuality; it's so much more than that. I think sex is part of it, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it's a major one. __________________

13th Apr 2009, 06:05 AM	#12
Jaqua Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Riverside, CA Age: 19 Posts: 1 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) Kind of in the same position. I identify as Pansexual (in the sense I simply fall in love) But sexually, i'm asexual. Sex sounds interesting, but I really have no desire to do anything of the sort.

13th Apr 2009, 06:12 AM	#13
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) sex is just a physical way of showing love and an animalistic form of pleasure you can be gay emotionally fine without having sex. i look at a lot of guys and feel nothing just like i do with women beeing gay doesent mean you see a guy and want to pounce on him.... just that you are attracted to them in a whole and it goes deeper than physical your mate just dont understand the difference between physical expression and emotional __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

13th Apr 2009, 10:16 AM	#14
Eleanor Rigby Filip's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out as straight ally Location: France Age: 32 Posts: 5,400 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) I think that if you are attracted to men, then you are gay. The fact that you don't feel sexual urge doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you are gay or not. My husband clearly identifies himself has straight, because he only feels attraction for women, the fact that sex doesn't interest him at all doesn't interfer with the fact that he feels straight. __________________ "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means." Immanuel Kant

13th Apr 2009, 11:35 AM	#15
pianomike Your Lover Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Queer Out Status: to only 5 people (and everyone reading this) Location: New York Age: 20 Posts: 358 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) Being gay isn't all about sex (although that's part of it) but just loving and being loved. __________________ To live would be an awfully big adventure... to die would be an awfully big adventure. - Peter Pan

13th Apr 2009, 11:35 AM	#16
nametakenagain That's what she said! Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Posts: 61 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Ugh -.-; (Can't Think Of A Good Title </3) I'd say that you are asexual and homoromantic.