Ever since I was a young girl, I always knew that I was different from other kids particularly the girls. For a very long time, I knew that I mainly had an interest in girls but I never felt comfortable with the thought. I would try to suppress it and when I couldn't, I tried to see myself as bisexual. During my freshman year in college, I started feeling very socially isolated because I knew that I wouldn't fit in the sororities. During the Winter period of that same year, it clicked to me that I'm queer, mostly gay. I decided to attend my college's LGBTQ-ally club's meetings for my second semester. When I attended my first meeting, I felt like this was the family I never had and I've even made a few friends. Me and my friends have been getting closer ever since especially since this past fall semester. During this Winter break, when I stayed home with my mom, this secret about my sexuality has been on my mind everyday. I was constantly watching Coming Out videos for advice. One day, I started acting out of line and my mother asked me what was wrong. I refused to answer her multiple times and my mother asked if I wanted to speak with my dad. I said sure. My mom asked my dad to speak with me when he had the chance.My dad called me that same day in the evening to ask what was going on. (My mom and dad have always lived separately since I was born.) I knew that he would be accepting because he's more liberal-minded and he's not religious so it made sense to come out to him. It was still difficult but I was able to get my point across. I later went on to tell him, that I was part of the LGBTQ community on my college campus. He told me that he accepted me and that he had inclination about it some years ago. The only main person I know I have to come out to is my mom. My mom is a devout Christian and is socially conservative. During my highschool period, my mom has made some anti-gay comments. She would even ask me a few times, if I was gay in high school and I would deny it. During this Winter break, my mom and I got into an argument regarding the LGBTQ and a few days after that my mother, out of blue, asked if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. My mother has talked about the importance of being happy at the same time. It's so confusing. I know that I would be happy once I tell her but she's quite homophobic. I don't think my mom would kick me out for being gay, but she might try to "fix" me or attempt to make things difficult for me. I've asked my dad a couple of days after I came out to him for advice. He told me I should wait after I'm done with school or when I'm on my own to tell her. However, at this point in my life I'm tired of hiding this secret from my mom; it is such a burden. It's affecting me mentally for sure. The fact that this is still hidden from my mom makes me feel alienated from the LGBTQ community. I love my LGBTQ peers so much they make my college feel like home. In addition, majority of them, if not all of them are out to the people that they needed to be out to. I would like to be in the pride parade with the LGBTQ students from my college next semester. Majority of my life I've felt extremely withdrawn because I was in the closet and I want to live the rest of my life to the fullest potential. I've been thinking about to come out to my mom as something probably bisexual. I don't want to come out as gay first because there could be consequences, not from just my mom but from my mother's family. My mother might feel forced to tell her family, and she might feel that I've caused her shame in her family. My mother's family are not accepting toward gay rights maybe even less than my mom. There was a particularly video about 4 African gay men talking about their coming out experience. The first guy that spoke is from the same country that my mom and her family are from and is actually from the same ethnic group/tribe as them. He mentioned that he came out as bisexual first but there weren't really any consequences. However, when he later came out as gay, his parents didn't accept him and he was ostracized from his family. I'm afraid that the same thing or something similar could happen to me. I know that the day, I come out as gay, I would definitely have to come out it in a note so that I can say as much as possible without so much tension. My dad is a deadbeat so if anything goes wrong, I doubt he'll help. I'm an only child. I don't have any other family that lives nearby and is accepting. I'm currently a college sophomore in an out-of-state college but I have a few options about how I may come out: 1) Come out as bisexual to my mom during this summer before I start next semester and come out as gay in a note after I'm done with school completely 2) Come out as bisexual to my mom through my phone/text next semester on my 21st birthday and come out as gay in a note after I'm done with school completely. If you guys have any advice apart from the ideas that I've listed, please feel free to list them as well. I could use all the support. I know I wrote a lot but if you read this entire post, thank you for taken the time to do so! I really appreciate it!
I personally don't think you should come as bisexual if you're gay. It's still not telling her the real you and it's still lying about who you are. It also might make her pester you to "only date guys if that's the case". Or get on your back for only having girlfriends. But if you truly think coming out as Bi first is a good idea go for it As far as wether you should or shouldn't come out altogether is really only up to you. You seem to understand your pros and cons. Sorry I wasn't much help and I truly hope everything works out for you!
Ultimately the decision is yours. No one can help you determine whether you decide to come out or not. Personally, I think you should wait to come out to your mother. You never know: your father could tell your mother since you told him. If you think your mother won't be able to handle it, then I would say to wait. It does sound tough. I think you should take it one day at a time. Just try to not overthink it. If you want to get it over with, you could come out to your mother and face a bad reaction. Do you think you can handle it if she has a bad reaction? Your answer to this question should help you determine whether or not if you want to come out. I hope I helped. I wish you luck. Just try to keep your head up.
