1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Sex with friends ?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Gleeko0, Feb 4, 2017.

  1. Gleeko0

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What are your thoughts about having sex or engaging in physical acts with friends?

    I have a gay, male, friend that thinks it ruins friendships, but I personally have friends with whom I had sexual experiences, and we have from time to time, although we don't consider our friendship as a friendship "with benefits", because it's way more a friendship than a benefits thing if that makes any sense.

    On the other hand, I do have some friends with benefits, where our relationship pretty much sums up to sexual thing without the commitment aspects of a relationship, although this particular friend is also a companion (we play online games together and watch movies, for example) but it's way more a "benefits" thing than a "friendship" per se

    Anyways, it's a conversation I've been having with that friend that doesn't agree, and I thought about posting here so I could hear your opinions
     
    #1 Gleeko0, Feb 4, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2017
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't think there's one answer to this question. What I think is true is that sex with a friend always in some way changes the relationship. Much will depend on how emotionally open and connected the friends are, and how they view sex. It's likely that the more emotionally open the friends are, the more the sexual interaction will impact the relationship.

    In general, I, personally, don't think it's a wise idea, and it's not something I have (or would) engage in. And yet, I do know others for whom it does seem to work. I think the main thing to consider is the risk involved, in terms of harm to the friendship, and whether that risk is worth it.
     
  3. Jolly Hermione

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    595
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Switzerland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, I can't answer this questions, since I wouldn't even dream about having sex with my friends. However, when I think about it, I would never be able to look them in the eye the same way. For me that wouldn't be what I want.

    But I do believe, that if you have friends who think the same way, like you, it wouldn't destroy anything. It just wouldn't be my style ^^
     
  4. Andrew99

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,402
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Milwaukee
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Idk. I think I would never look at them the same and don't know if I could carry on a friendship.
     
  5. geekyboy18

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2016
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'd only want to have sex with someone I care about romantically, with friends it wouldn't feel special, and I think it would change the friendship for the worst.
     
  6. bunnydee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2016
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    In my experience it is very rare to maintain a true friendship once sex has happened. Tried, been there, done that. It's just better to keep it separate - have the friends, have the fu** buddies, but don't combine the two. Even here I have only read one case where it has really worked out.
     
  7. justinf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    1,212
    Likes Received:
    42
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think it really depends on both the individuals involved as well as the friendship they have. Some people get attached easily, yet for others sex can be just that: sex. If two people of the latter category share a friendship, then the way I see it they could very well have sex without affecting the friendship at all.

    I totally get the distinction you make between having sex with a friend and a 'friend with benefits' kind of thing, by the way. I've had quite a few friends with benefits. Those were mostly about the sex, without any expectations, and not so much about the friendship itself, even if we did sometimes hang out without having sex. Only once did I ever have a true friendship that then turned sexual, though. It didn't change anything for me or her, but I couldn't do that with any of my male friends, for example. So it really does depend on the person.
     
    #7 justinf, Feb 4, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2017
  8. Bolt35

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Queens,NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I also think it depends on the person or the situation they're in. If it's just friends alone that i'm having sex with, it could either be beneficial or get really weird, quickly. I find in my experiences that sometime, people don't understand the idea of having a "friends with benefits". Some people get into these type of situation and expect an outcome with hoping they get into a relationship, just because they think they found the right person by simply having sex. Some people just avoid having a committed relationship and prefer to have sexual relationships with friends because it's "not in their character". It really depends. People experience sex differently. I think the negative outweighs more of the positive because it's unpredictable. Me personally, I tend to keep it separate, because it's more valuable for someone who is romantically involved with you than someone who considers you just another piece of ass.
     
  9. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,498
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Toss me in the "it depends on the people" pile. I've had one friend that we crossed that line, and it worked out surprisingly well. No weirdness or awkwardness just a cool extra thing we could do. We didn't have much of a plan or rules, just kind of played it how it went.

    To me it is one of those things that clear communication is absolutely necessary and both people need to have a certain level of mental maturity. Not some magical age pulled out of a hat maturity, but a solid understanding of themselves and the situation.
     
  10. LiamC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2017
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Plymouth
    Not sex but personally I've experienced.. a little something. Long story short, I have a foot fetish, my best friend who is straight was curious, I... had a little play. We were drunk, it happened but we are so close I think that it just didn't matter and it was fine afterwards. It does wholly depend on the person, the feelings you both may carry afterwards etc., though.
     
  11. Stewie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2016
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC - Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm also in the "depends on the person" pile, some people can separate sex from emotion and others can't, it's really that simple. The problem lies in the people who think they can until after it happens or the others that have always wanted more to begin with from the friend and then when the opportunity like this comes up they think it's their chance to shine and woo their prospective love interest in with sex.
     
  12. Jacob D

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Messages:
    353
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think in some cases FWB works out fine for some friendships but not for all. I think FWB depends a lot on the people involved.
     
  13. Flowey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2016
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Asia
    Nah, I know me....I would develop romantic feelings eventually. Nope, nope, nope.
     
  14. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,680
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I had a talk with my partner about this, and how it would be hard to look at a friend the same way again after being friends with benefits.
     
  15. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2012
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    178
    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    In my opinion, once you bring sex into it, the friendship is affected, be it negatively or positively. The two parties concerned will view each other in another light, and whether they would admit it or not, one or both could develop romantic feelings sometime down the line, or even after the first encounter. It doesn't work for me, so I could be a bit biased, but I don't judge other people who find it easy to disconnect friendship and sex, and make it out to be a non-issue. I've had a friends-with-benefits relationship with two people so far, and to be honest, even though I've done it twice, it doesn't work for me. Because I cannot differentiate sex and love. To me, it goes hand-in-hand. To the guy(s), the two are completely different things, and I always end up getting hurt. So I've decided to not mix friendship and sex again, for that very reason. But kudos to the ones who can make it work without things becoming awkward or complicated. To each his own :shrug:
     
  16. Gleeko0

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Its not that I, for example, can separate sex and emotion. Its the exact opposite actually.

    I've been talking to a date for quite some time now, and he is the same as me in that sense. I think some people can not separate sex and emotion, because sex without emotion is pretty much soulless and not enjoyable at all. That is precisely why I cherish sex with friends, because its about two people who already have some kind of emotional connection and trust who develop another kind of connection, albeit physical (sexual).

    I wish I could differentiate physical sex and emotions, I wish I could have sex and only sex by itself, but I'm not wired for it, and I have, necessarily to deal with having trust and emotion, or at least pretend those, to have any physical connection even remotely enjoyable with anyone.

    I once had a casual encounter with a guy and I enjoyed it a lot. But he was in for it just for the physical thing, and I was actually not having sex, I was ""making love"", as cliche as that may sound, I think its the finest way to describe it lol.

    was it nice? Oh hell yes, it was nice. But I ended up somewhat hurt after it, because I wanted to pursue that thing further and get to know the guy better. And he didn't, because it was a physical thing only, for him. So, its not an experience I would like to repeat.

    Why I enjoyed it? I "pretended" I had some kind of emotional connection to that guy, I had just broken up (from an extremely abusive and controlling relationship, I wanted to feel "free"), I was very drunk, and I pretty much overrode all my rules related to trust and just went for it, so there was a lot of inhibition into play too. Not something I would describe as spontaneous and healthy like the sexual encounters I had with my friend.
     
    #16 Gleeko0, Feb 7, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2017