OK so I'm fourteen in the ninth grade. When I was in the eighth grade I fell for my first girl crush and we kinda dated or something for a little while. Needless to say it was very complicated as we were both Christians and new to this plus she was a year younger than me. This year, new school, first day orientations and guess. who's. there. She is, of course, my luck. I felt everything all over again and it was miserable seeing her in the halls and around school.. At the time I was scared of my sexuality and I was just starting to think about if I was bisexual. But I though if I liked girls, i was going to hell ( I know better now that it's fine to be gay and Christian.) Anyway, so I was trying to make myself stop thinking about her and noticing Sidney, a sophomore I had a few classes with. The first guy who said he liked I said i liked him too... Looking back I know I just made myself think that as to say " Oh I'm not bi/gay, see I even have a boyfriend" Well he was trouble, and gross looking back (being lesbian doesn't have anything to do with knowing that he wasn't the best.). I ended up ending the relationship when I realized that I, in no way liked him, or loved him back. So I ended it.. by then (three months) I had gotten over the girl, but what motivated me more to break up with him was Sidney.. Oh she was amazing.. I could go on for hours about her.. We dated for a long time it seemed.. The other girl was my first kiss, and I had slept over at Sidney's a few times but we never did anything.. like that. The only reason we broke up is because her very religious family found out (by then i was out with my parents and they'd even met Sid.) I think I still love her, but we've decided to stay friends at least until we get into college and away from her parents.. I miss her a lot and my mistake, now, is letting her parents get in the way and also trying to convince myself I was straight by dating some gross junior looser who was trouble. I'll move on with my life; college is a long way away for both of us. But I'll always wait for Sidney, and she'll do the same for me.. I know she will. School has always been important to me, but now more than ever I am sooooo ready for college and my baby back. <3
I think it's great that u r very loyal to her, it's also quite sweet that you're not giving up on her. My only advise for you is to make sure that she feels the same way about you.
