Opinions on Divorce? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

pirateninja · 13th Apr 2009, 03:49 PM

I don't know what brought on this curiosity, but I just want to know what others think of the subject. It's probably because today I realised just how lucky I am.

I mean, I know lots of people hate divorce. Even in the Bible, Jesus and God say they hate divorce and such, and plenty of people are all "THINK OF TEH CHILDREN!". And plenty of divorces end terribly, with warring and custody battles and whatnot.

But in my case, I have to say I am proud that my parents divorced amicably, and split time with my and my sister fairly. I'll admit, at the start, it was strenuous and tensions ran extremely high, but that's to be expected. But over the weekend, in which I spent time on Saturday with my mom and her boyfriend, and Sunday with dad and his girlfriend and her kids, I have to say that getting divorced was one of the best things that my parents did, for both their sakes and mine and my sister's.

For one, people say that people get married too easily, and divorce quickly. And I'll admit, that in many cases, instead of both parties trying to sort things out at the first sign of something going wrong, they most likely just divorce because it's easier. Again, something my parents did right; they first had problems just after my sister was born, and separated when she was 10, so they had given it some serious thought before going through with it.

And I have to say, they probably gave it too much thought, they were arguing and not getting along for years. And although it was sad when they separated, and quite upsetting when Mom changed her name back to her maiden name, looking back it really was the lesser of two evils. The both of them are happier with their new partners, and get along better with each other than when they were together.

Sooooooo, any other comments, opinions or experiences in this matter?

Greggers · 13th Apr 2009, 03:54 PM

Divorce is not the crime, Its the people rushing into marriages that you can see the divorce coming miles before hand.

Divorce should not be at a 50% rate. I dont know what it is, but if half the couples who get married split that quite bad.

I think people should maybe date longer, be engaged longer, whatever they need to do. Rushing into FOREVER tends to end up going bad.

Starshine16 · 13th Apr 2009, 03:59 PM

Sometimes divorce is neccesary especially when one of the partners is abusive in any form to the other partner.My mother was emotionally/financially abused by her first husband,my father and when she finally left him when I was two she went back to school and developed friendships that he did not allow her to enjoy when they were married.She got sole custody of me and I have not seen my father since the day my mother left him.When she married my stepfather,she was the happiest I had ever seen her.He treats both of us amazingly well.When he filed adoption papers 8 years ago,my real father did not contest them.He wanted to meet me but I told my lawyer no way.

So divorce is sometimes necessary for the health and safety of a spouse and or children.

Courtneyyy · 13th Apr 2009, 05:05 PM

Divorce sucks. But it's necessary. My parents divorced when I was a baby and I hear from my father maybe once every 2-3 years. The only problem that I've ever really had with the whole situation was not really having a father figure, but at church I've got about 12 sets of extra parents that would yell at me when I was doing something stupid, or give me a ride home or do anything for me, so I've got some make shift father figures.

My mom was not really young when she married my "dad" I believe she was either 25 or 27. And they were married 9 years I think? So in this case it wasn't cause they rushed into marriage, or anything, I think what the issue was parenting. Actually I have no idea.

In my opinion, I do not think getting a divorce is the worst thing in the world.

djt820 · 13th Apr 2009, 05:09 PM

Solution: Get rid of marriage.
That'll never happen though...

littledinosaurs · 13th Apr 2009, 05:20 PM

divorce is sad ):

Emberstone · 13th Apr 2009, 05:22 PM

What frustrates me is that fundementalist chirstains want to defend marriage and go out of their way to claim *even though its not true* jesus hates gays so therefore the constitution should be destoryed so they can force through anti gay marriage laws, but they wont take a stand of divorce anymore, which is, when compaired to gay marriage, a vastly bigger threat to the institution of marriage *as gay marriage threatens nothing but bigots*

crimsonarcher · 13th Apr 2009, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emberstone

What frustrates me is that fundementalist chirstains want to defend marriage and go out of their way to claim *even though its not true* jesus hates gays so therefore the constitution should be destoryed so they can force through anti gay marriage laws, but they wont take a stand of divorce anymore, which is, when compaired to gay marriage, a vastly bigger threat to the institution of marriage *as gay marriage threatens nothing but bigots*

That's what I kept saying!
i find that kinda hypocritical when people will go out of their way to ban gay marriage, but since we should uphold the sanctity of marriage, get rid of divorce to keep couples together, but NOOOOO, they wouldn't do that.....so I don't get it. Ban one thing, according to the bible, but they don't ban divorce, which I believe is banned also..
what's up with that?

Starshine16 · 13th Apr 2009, 05:32 PM

When the whole Prop 8 debate was still going on I said that if people really wanted to uphold the sanctity of marriage then there should be a proposition to ban divorce since that splits up families and makes the whole sanctity of marriage thing invalid.

epiphanies · 13th Apr 2009, 05:32 PM

My parents divorced when I was 4 years old, and I am much better off because of it. Otherwise I'd still be stuck in that small town with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Instead my mom raised my brother, sister, and me on her own and gave us the opportunity to succeed. Although the guy she married can be a jerk sometimes, I would hate to see my mom suffer or be unhappy with my dad. They didn't rush anything and they were together for quite a while, but the love was gone. Sometimes it's best just to let go and move on.

Dazed · 13th Apr 2009, 05:45 PM

my parents didnt marry untill i was 14. yes both are my real parents.

i think it was the worst thing for them to do.
my dad is a complete jerk. he treats everyone like crap.
and he makes me mom cry everyday. they say fighting is normal.

if im going to be fighting the person i marry then i refuse to marry ever.

i wish they would divorce

partietraumatic · 14th Apr 2009, 02:50 AM

divorce isnt always bad. im much much happier now my parents are separated. before i was so stressed and it got to the point where i hated going home coz i knew there would be shouting and arguing as soon as i got home. i went to sleep with the sound of them arguing and itd be what i woke up to also. Whereas now im much more relaxed and home life is much better now i just live with my dad and my brother. furthermore when i do see my mum she is so much happier and therefore nicer to me and my brother-my relationship with my mum has improved 100times over the last 2 years because of this. So in my case its actually been a good thing,them staying together was causing more emotional distress than the separation has! lol

MusicIsLife · 14th Apr 2009, 09:07 AM

I'm a tad old fashioned, my thoughts on marriage is "Once you're in, you're in." all the old couples that have been married for 50..60 years, they may have had times where things were tough or they were arguing a lot, but since divorce at that time wasn't allowed, they stayed together and seemingly worked out their problems.

People nowadays take advatage of marriage and rush into it, and I still view marriage as a sacred thing to be cherished between two people.

Jennn · 14th Apr 2009, 09:22 AM

I'm kind of torn. Half of me shares the view of the poster above me, and the other half of me thinks that surely no one should be forced to stay in something which makes them unhappy for the rest of their lives. I can't quite decide, but I feel like allot of me is influenced by my parent's divorce, which was a horrible experience, and hasn't improved much in the year they've been apart. I get the feeling allot of couples, although they say they work at their marriages, give up.. perhaps even subconsciously, long before they actually divorce because they know it's an option. If it wasn't there, they might work allot harder.
I dunno, I'm very confused on the matter.

beckyg · 14th Apr 2009, 01:09 PM

I read once where the average marriage is over 7 years before the divorce. That tells me that most people really do try to make it work. That's a long time to be unhappy!

TheRoof · 14th Apr 2009, 01:27 PM

i think it could be a necessary thing. if there's no love and warmth and....if things just dont work out, it's definitely better to get a divorce and move on with one's life.
i once read in a Time magazine that even though good marriage can be benieficial, bad marriages only causes more stress and negative reactions both physically/mentally/emotionally.

Nugget · 14th Apr 2009, 01:41 PM

I'm a product of my mom's second ex-husband. Without divorce, I wouldn't be posting. :3

jazzrawr · 14th Apr 2009, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nugget

I'm a product of my mom's second ex-husband. Without divorce, I wouldn't be posting. :3

Same, my mom was divorced, then had me and married my dad...so without divorce I wouldn't be here either, and my mum would have had an abusive husband.

So I think it's okay, because it's needed sometimes...but couples should DEFINATELY slow down and make sure that they can handle marriage.

Miles D · 14th Apr 2009, 02:05 PM

Well, my parents are divorced, and although I don't think it's the best option for couples struggling, I know it made my house[s] more livable for my whole family.

Emberstone · 14th Apr 2009, 02:20 PM

I am not anti divorce. If it doesnt work, it doesnt work. I think however sometimes, it seems that people dont truly consider if they are compatable. I knew someone who got married out of highschool, and within 4 years, they had been divorced 3 times.

I guess I am just frustrated that alot of people do that, but are anti gay marriage. they dont want to give us the chance to do it right, while they just repeat a vicious cycle like that.

13th Apr 2009, 03:49 PM	#1
pirateninja EC's Sailor Uranus Full Member Gender: Biologically Female Orientation: Heterosexually Challenged Out Status: Most people Location: Bath, England Age: 21 Posts: 5,853 Join Date: Sep 2007	Opinions on Divorce? I don't know what brought on this curiosity, but I just want to know what others think of the subject. It's probably because today I realised just how lucky I am. I mean, I know lots of people hate divorce. Even in the Bible, Jesus and God say they hate divorce and such, and plenty of people are all "THINK OF TEH CHILDREN!". And plenty of divorces end terribly, with warring and custody battles and whatnot. But in my case, I have to say I am proud that my parents divorced amicably, and split time with my and my sister fairly. I'll admit, at the start, it was strenuous and tensions ran extremely high, but that's to be expected. But over the weekend, in which I spent time on Saturday with my mom and her boyfriend, and Sunday with dad and his girlfriend and her kids, I have to say that getting divorced was one of the best things that my parents did, for both their sakes and mine and my sister's. For one, people say that people get married too easily, and divorce quickly. And I'll admit, that in many cases, instead of both parties trying to sort things out at the first sign of something going wrong, they most likely just divorce because it's easier. Again, something my parents did right; they first had problems just after my sister was born, and separated when she was 10, so they had given it some serious thought before going through with it. And I have to say, they probably gave it too much thought, they were arguing and not getting along for years. And although it was sad when they separated, and quite upsetting when Mom changed her name back to her maiden name, looking back it really was the lesser of two evils. The both of them are happier with their new partners, and get along better with each other than when they were together. Sooooooo, any other comments, opinions or experiences in this matter? __________________ Holly the Pirateninja Ars Longa, Vita Brevis.

13th Apr 2009, 03:54 PM	#2
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? Divorce is not the crime, Its the people rushing into marriages that you can see the divorce coming miles before hand. Divorce should not be at a 50% rate. I dont know what it is, but if half the couples who get married split that quite bad. I think people should maybe date longer, be engaged longer, whatever they need to do. Rushing into FOREVER tends to end up going bad. __________________ "It's a male duck."

13th Apr 2009, 03:59 PM	#3
Starshine16 One Day At A Time Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but grandmother and uncle Location: California Age: 26 Posts: 563 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? Sometimes divorce is neccesary especially when one of the partners is abusive in any form to the other partner.My mother was emotionally/financially abused by her first husband,my father and when she finally left him when I was two she went back to school and developed friendships that he did not allow her to enjoy when they were married.She got sole custody of me and I have not seen my father since the day my mother left him.When she married my stepfather,she was the happiest I had ever seen her.He treats both of us amazingly well.When he filed adoption papers 8 years ago,my real father did not contest them.He wanted to meet me but I told my lawyer no way. So divorce is sometimes necessary for the health and safety of a spouse and or children. __________________ "Awareness is the first step in learning to change."

13th Apr 2009, 05:05 PM	#4
Courtneyyy ColbieMarie Full Member Gender: GIRL Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Mom, brother and close friends Location: Flagstaff, AZ Age: 23 Posts: 975 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Opinions on Divorce? Divorce sucks. But it's necessary. My parents divorced when I was a baby and I hear from my father maybe once every 2-3 years. The only problem that I've ever really had with the whole situation was not really having a father figure, but at church I've got about 12 sets of extra parents that would yell at me when I was doing something stupid, or give me a ride home or do anything for me, so I've got some make shift father figures. My mom was not really young when she married my "dad" I believe she was either 25 or 27. And they were married 9 years I think? So in this case it wasn't cause they rushed into marriage, or anything, I think what the issue was parenting. Actually I have no idea. In my opinion, I do not think getting a divorce is the worst thing in the world.

13th Apr 2009, 05:09 PM	#5
djt820 Brutally Honest Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: DICKS EVERYWHERE Out Status: Like A Cock Slapping Your Face Kind-of Out. Location: SoCal Age: 19 Posts: 1,282 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Opinions on Divorce? Solution: Get rid of marriage. That'll never happen though...

13th Apr 2009, 05:20 PM	#6
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? divorce is sad ): __________________ Âllo Là

13th Apr 2009, 05:22 PM	#7
Emberstone Flappychap Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon, USA Age: 28 Posts: 5,587 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? What frustrates me is that fundementalist chirstains want to defend marriage and go out of their way to claim even though its not true jesus hates gays so therefore the constitution should be destoryed so they can force through anti gay marriage laws, but they wont take a stand of divorce anymore, which is, when compaired to gay marriage, a vastly bigger threat to the institution of marriage as gay marriage threatens nothing but bigots

13th Apr 2009, 05:32 PM	#9
Starshine16 One Day At A Time Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but grandmother and uncle Location: California Age: 26 Posts: 563 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? When the whole Prop 8 debate was still going on I said that if people really wanted to uphold the sanctity of marriage then there should be a proposition to ban divorce since that splits up families and makes the whole sanctity of marriage thing invalid. __________________ "Awareness is the first step in learning to change."

13th Apr 2009, 05:32 PM	#10
epiphanies Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: More gay than bi Out Status: All important people. Do ask, Do tell. Location: VA Age: 24 Posts: 199 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? My parents divorced when I was 4 years old, and I am much better off because of it. Otherwise I'd still be stuck in that small town with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Instead my mom raised my brother, sister, and me on her own and gave us the opportunity to succeed. Although the guy she married can be a jerk sometimes, I would hate to see my mom suffer or be unhappy with my dad. They didn't rush anything and they were together for quite a while, but the love was gone. Sometimes it's best just to let go and move on.

13th Apr 2009, 05:45 PM	#11
Dazed Banned Gender: ladyfella Orientation: MaddyBensexual Out Status: out to all :] Location: Richmond VA Age: 24 Posts: 2,189 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Opinions on Divorce? my parents didnt marry untill i was 14. yes both are my real parents. i think it was the worst thing for them to do. my dad is a complete jerk. he treats everyone like crap. and he makes me mom cry everyday. they say fighting is normal. if im going to be fighting the person i marry then i refuse to marry ever. i wish they would divorce

14th Apr 2009, 02:50 AM	#12
partietraumatic A gay heteropolitan? Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Enough for now Location: Oxford and Birmingham, UK Age: 20 Posts: 1,300 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? divorce isnt always bad. im much much happier now my parents are separated. before i was so stressed and it got to the point where i hated going home coz i knew there would be shouting and arguing as soon as i got home. i went to sleep with the sound of them arguing and itd be what i woke up to also. Whereas now im much more relaxed and home life is much better now i just live with my dad and my brother. furthermore when i do see my mum she is so much happier and therefore nicer to me and my brother-my relationship with my mum has improved 100times over the last 2 years because of this. So in my case its actually been a good thing,them staying together was causing more emotional distress than the separation has! lol __________________ 'Im not your toy and this isn't another girl meets boy'

14th Apr 2009, 09:07 AM	#13
MusicIsLife EC Addict Full Member Gender: Not even sure anymore. Something in between. Orientation: I like girls :) Out Status: Everyone on orientation 7 people on trans issue. Location: Montréal, QC Age: 23 Posts: 1,595 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Opinions on Divorce? I'm a tad old fashioned, my thoughts on marriage is "Once you're in, you're in." all the old couples that have been married for 50..60 years, they may have had times where things were tough or they were arguing a lot, but since divorce at that time wasn't allowed, they stayed together and seemingly worked out their problems. People nowadays take advatage of marriage and rush into it, and I still view marriage as a sacred thing to be cherished between two people.

14th Apr 2009, 09:22 AM	#14
Jennn . Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: The closet wouldn't take me back if I wanted it to Location: Wolver'ampton. Dreadful place. Age: 21 Posts: 248 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Opinions on Divorce? I'm kind of torn. Half of me shares the view of the poster above me, and the other half of me thinks that surely no one should be forced to stay in something which makes them unhappy for the rest of their lives. I can't quite decide, but I feel like allot of me is influenced by my parent's divorce, which was a horrible experience, and hasn't improved much in the year they've been apart. I get the feeling allot of couples, although they say they work at their marriages, give up.. perhaps even subconsciously, long before they actually divorce because they know it's an option. If it wasn't there, they might work allot harder. I dunno, I'm very confused on the matter. __________________ Sarchasm; the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

14th Apr 2009, 01:09 PM	#15
beckyg PFLAG Mom Community Liaison Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone/Yes, parents come out too! Location: Middle of Oregon Age: 50 Posts: 7,572 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Opinions on Divorce? I read once where the average marriage is over 7 years before the divorce. That tells me that most people really do try to make it work. That's a long time to be unhappy! __________________ "When we're free to love anyone we choose, When this worlds big enough for all different views, When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free" ~ Garth Brooks

14th Apr 2009, 01:27 PM	#16
TheRoof True Blue Full Member Gender: genderqueer Orientation: I like who I like. Location: NY Age: 20 Posts: 1,455 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? i think it could be a necessary thing. if there's no love and warmth and....if things just dont work out, it's definitely better to get a divorce and move on with one's life. i once read in a Time magazine that even though good marriage can be benieficial, bad marriages only causes more stress and negative reactions both physically/mentally/emotionally. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. -Diane Arbus-

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14th Apr 2009, 01:41 PM	#17
Nugget No Artificial Preservatives Regular Member Gender: Female Location: Northeast Posts: 389 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? I'm a product of my mom's second ex-husband. Without divorce, I wouldn't be posting. :3

14th Apr 2009, 02:05 PM	#19
Miles D Rude... and not ginger. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: queer Out Status: everyone Location: San Diego, CA ⇒ Great Barrington, MA Age: 20 Posts: 1,171 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? Well, my parents are divorced, and although I don't think it's the best option for couples struggling, I know it made my house[s] more livable for my whole family. __________________ Bowties are cool. Fezzes are cool.

14th Apr 2009, 02:20 PM	#20
Emberstone Flappychap Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon, USA Age: 28 Posts: 5,587 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Opinions on Divorce? I am not anti divorce. If it doesnt work, it doesnt work. I think however sometimes, it seems that people dont truly consider if they are compatable. I knew someone who got married out of highschool, and within 4 years, they had been divorced 3 times. I guess I am just frustrated that alot of people do that, but are anti gay marriage. they dont want to give us the chance to do it right, while they just repeat a vicious cycle like that.