Did you go through the five stages of grief when trying to accept yourself?

I don't think I went through that process.

I don't think I went through denial so much as I repressed everything because people were telling me I can't be trans and like men and all this other "you aren't trans enough, stuff.

Once I was older and started questioning again and finally concluded/accepted that I was trans it was more along the lines of "Okay, I am this, now what will I do about it?"
And went on from there.

 

I think I may have gone through some denial, but it was mostly uncertainty through most of it, including all the way up to a few months ago. I spent many days at a time over multiple years, talking out loud to myself about everything I was thinking about and feeling, trying to rationalize it all, as I would for anything else I was being introspective about.

But I'm pretty sure I didn't go through anger. Never did any bargaining. I do know I definitely went through deep depression at a few different points, but that was regarding my feelings towards masturbation rather than my orientation. But acceptance has indeed finally come.

 

Sort of.. but in 3 stages instead of 5. First I denied it, then I accepted it. Then I executed.

 

I kind of went through mild versions of 3 of the stages, the two not mild ones being Anger and Acceptance. I never really went through any anger part of accepting myself. With acceptance though, it's just kind of accepting it, no real mild way of doing that unless you're still somewhat in another stage of grief when you start accepting it.

 

No, not at all. Strangely my sexuality and gender identity where the only things noone could use against me

 

Mine was rather odd since I had to go through the 5 stages of denial with liking guys. I grew up pretending to be a guy for 27 years, so showing my attraction to women was socially acceptable and even encouraged. When I came out as a woman and started transitioning my family was surprisingly cool with me still dating women (my parents were even happy about it), so I openly identified as a lesbian for 4 years. The whole time I struggled with also having an attraction to guys that I never acted upon for fear of rejection.

For the 27 years of pretending to be a guy I was raised Southern Baptist. That and being perceived as a gay man in the 90's was a social deathwish; I was struggling enough with racism and my gender identity to add that to my plate. Watching my girlfriend be openly Pan pretty much sealed my fate as a lesbian. She had to go through my 5 stages before I broke down and admitted I liked guys also on the phone to her.

 

Yeah, I think I did go through these stages. But, they weren't sequential for me either; I think that I certainly revisited some after I had been through them. I also think that accepting that you are gay is about accepting all the ways being gay can impact your life: there's many things that come with being gay that you have to accept before you can accept that you're gay, I believe. For example, you have to accept that you will have fewer potential partners than straight people, you have to accept that you can't have biological children with a same sex partner, and you have to accept that you can't have PDA with a same sex partner without worrying about if it is safe to do so... etcetera etcetera. Once you've accepted all these small things, I think that you have truly accepted that you are gay. That being said, I think that I've almost reached a point of complete self acceptance. I'm pretty chill with being a lesbian already, but I wouldn't say that I have accepted everything that comes with being a lesbian yet completely. For example, I am not happy with that I had to spend so much time to figure out and accept my sexuality while straight people typically do not have to do the same. But, since you can revisit the stages of grief, I wouldn't go as far as saying that reaching a point of complete self acceptance is the final destination of my journey; something might happen later in life that will cause me to revisit the stages of grief.

 

Nope - never went through any such thing.

My family has never been overly burdened by concern with what others (be they other family members or society in generally) think. And since I never felt any desire to breed (quite the opposite actually) and generally find small children to be an irritating waste of time and skin, I'm not sure what 'perception of straightness' I was supposedly being burdened by or had to get over the loss of.

Anyway, had other issues in my life that made figuring out that I was gay (and therefore an abomination on the face of existence in the eyes of some) barely an emotional quiver. Really, after a decade or two of my dad, your definition of 'emergency' becomes rather different than what it is for most people.

As far as how long it took to figure out I was gay. From my first experience to the final review process that led to me concluding I was gay was maybe a year and a few months (was doing other things and didn't really spend much time worrying about it for most of that time). The actual review process took less than an hour, followed by total acceptance and wondering what I was going to do for dinner - was quite hungry. The first person I came out to was the guy I had just hooked up with as he was driving me home.

Todd

 

Yes, certainly. It went on for years but especially after my family rejected my identity as transgender. While I am stable now in my identity and what I am working toward, I am still grieving. I know that I will also be deeply grieved when I leave my family to go to college and subsequently transition.

Honestly I just hold on to the hope of a day when, perhaps in many years, I will not be grieving any more.