Question to gay/bi guys

I think gays have, as a population, a higher percent of feminine traits than straight men. Sure, some guys here or there will say "not me, I'm totally straight acting no one can tell I am gay" or what not, but I think it is partially a case of self-deception. I think it is a trait overall of the LGBT community for either aesthetic or survival purposes; for many trans folks, they do seek validation of their gender identity through outside markers to prove that they "pass;" for some gay folk in very difficult environments, they may try to be as gender conforming as possible to avoid trouble.

A very interesting comparison is that of trans gay men and cis gay men. Cis gay men only have the "gay" factor to deal with; sure, little things like being afraid of spiders might make them seem less masculine, but they and everyone knows whats underneath their clothes and that isn't in dispute. However, trans gay men face the hurdle of being born and socialized as female, and having dissonance with society and biology. So, if they're trans, they may first try to fight the disability of femininity which implies sticking to masculine traits and also coming to terms with their sexuality. The tug between trying to go with their male brain and their sexuality perhaps nodding them a bit towards the feminine side they so desperately want to escape proves to be a conundrum. In the end, I believe the desire for maleness for mental health's sake wins and perhaps the feminine traits of being "gay" take a back seat until science helps them achieve the body they want so that any femininity they later display is attributed to "gayness" and not "womanhood." At the root of it, the question is: is "femininity" an innate or acquired trait of homosexuality? The classic nature vs. nurture case.

The thing is, it seems femininity is so pervasive prevalent within the gay community that it implies either a very strong cultural attraction and/or a biological link. Of course, a penchant for Beyonce might be more of a social construct, but with perhaps certain underlying biological reason.

But, getting back to the question at hand, I personally prefer guys who are average to above average in terms of masculinity. However, every guy I've dated with ended up being less than so and some painfully obvious they were gay (though that never played a direct factor as to why I didn't continue to date them). It's weird because I tend to be very protective of others (women and children, especially) and basically take the "male" role and yet somehow want a more egalitarian relationship where it's more of a "mutual aid society" than a "I'm the man, I'll always take the lead."

 

i liek a real man

 

I have a slight preference for "feminine" guys, albeit it's far from being a deal-breaker if you're not - I like all kinds of guys. I have several feminine-acting gay friends who lament they're often overlooked. Plus, there's the culture of "masc4masc," who look for more masculine partners.

As a gay guy who acts more like a straight guy than most gay guys I've met across the US and Canada (this has nothing to with bragging, I'm just giving a broad view of my general personality), I don't really know how much of the "feminine" gay personality is nature vs. nurture. I know gay guys who have acted feminine since infancy. I know others who's personality has changed over time - was it the result of wanting to appear more gay, or just unrestricting their true personality? If I'm in the company of other gay men, I have the tendency to camp it up a bit, which is a social cue to others than I'm also gay and therefore a potential mate. For me, it feels a bit like acting, rather than simply being myself. I know that for my more effeminate friends, they've stated that acting a straight guy feels like acting for them.

 

Interesting. I had the opposite experience as a girl. Even though I know I'm somewhat on the femme side, I still assumed I had some sort of gay vibe. I don't. Apperently I'm even so femme no one can see me as gay. I don't see myself as that femme. Like most girls I've met plenty of girls who are more tomboyish or butch than me and plenty of girls who are girlier. I don't run into problems with people believing my sexuality when they don't know what I look like. I think my real personality is more on the androgynous side, but the way I like to present is more feminine.

 

Considering what AlamoCity said, you probably won't believe me, lol, but I do act pretty straight for the most part in my daily life, because I've always been that way. My gayness has yet to affect me in any way personality-wise, even though I've tried to open up to my feminine side more since embracing my new orientation. I've always been a softy, but it's no more than a lot of other straight guys I've known or have met. But I can turn on the sass when needed.

As for what I want in a man, yeah... I think I want a masculine "straight-ish" guy as well, but I don't want a guy that's self-centered and too "man's man" either. I need a guy who has a more leveled amount of masculine and feminine, like I consider myself to have. But I want a guy who has a more masculine build than I do, mainly because I want to feel like a woman when I'm in his arms: it's just always been a fantasy of mine. I don't want a big guy, though, cause most tall guys kinda scare me when I try to imagine being intimate with them, so he's gotta be more around my 5' 10" size, no more than 6 feet.

I'm starting to get too deep into specifics here, but I think you get the picture. Basically, I'm no different. lol I just don't think I could enjoy being with your typical feminine acting and overly flamboyant gay man in a romantic way. Cause I've gotten the sense that a lot of guys like that (many whom I have seen in person) can be super cynical and catty, although usually in a joking way. But even with that said, those guys don't turn me on. I'm more than happy to hang out and be friends with them, cause they're still my peeps, but I just don't see things going beyond that.

 

Someone that is kind and compassionate, loving, thoughtful, and knows who he is.

It is not a certain person per se but a quality of who they are. Personality.

I am attracted to many men but then well that is the way I am.

 

good question.
I'm mostly drawn to boys who belong to alternative cultures, I'm particularly fond of cybergoths and rivetheads, though all goths are beautiful to me. and while goths (including cybers) are rather androgynous in appearance, rivetheads tend to be more masculine.
when it comes to personality, I like it when men are men.
I myself am pretty androgynous in appearance (as I'm a cyber as well), but my personality is quite much masculine. and that's how I see it, I'm not sure about general stereotypes. everyone can be attractive to other people.

 

My local area (which is more German than French) has a tendancy to be more into feminine looking males but so long as they dont go all the way and start wearing make up and dresses. The most popular is wearing really tight jogging pants, hoodie and big industrial type boots. Oh, and a slightly higher tone is preffered so long as it isnt pre pubescent 9 year old high