1: Dude, you were so drunk last night, you asked me to drive you home 2: At least I was responsible! 1: But the party was at your house...
A little bad joke I made last night when my friend brought down some drinks before we started D&D: Friend: I brought down mugs. That's the only way to drink when you're playing D&D. Me: But...*holds up can of Mug brand root beer* I already have a Mug.
Did you legitimately just ask for puns? Behold! The humble Ent. Because I'm board, I will tell yew a little story about the Ent and the many things it wood do. Going out on a limb here... The Ent is a lumbering being made entirely of... you guessed it, tree! They were once peaceful beings, until one day a splinter faction decided to steal weapons from their arbory, hence the root of the problem. Sapped of their tools of true nature power, the enemy soon found out they were barking up the wrong trees for sure. I'm positive you don't need to axe what happened next. Okay, that's it. I'm stumped. I should go do something else, maybe branch out before my whole audience decides to leaf.
You have to read this in an Arnold Schwarzenator voice. "A few days ago I got a call asking if I wanted to switch to Windows 7 for free. Then I said 'No, I still love vista, baby'"
I wood say those are good puns, but I know about tree other great ones. Also this was just oak-kay, but I wood ent axe yew to leaf since I'm not very mean and this is probably a re-leaf. Also recently Bush released secret government documents and was charged with tree-son.
Q: Two cats, named One two three and Un deux trois are racing to swim to the other side of a lake. Which cat wins? A: One two three, because Un deux trois quatre cinq.
The entirety of my sense of humour! Here's some music ones: What's the difference between the first and second tenor? Half a measure. You're in the desert. You see a good baritone, a bad baritone, and an oasis. Which do you go for? The bad baritone. The other two are figments of your imagination. And now, a story. The Chicago Symphony Orchestra is playing Beethoven's ninth. There is a long section where the basses don't play, so they tie a string to the music and give it to the conductor so he can turn the page for them, and go across the street to a bar. There, they meet a nice count, who buys them round after round of drinks, until he passes out. The basses decide to go back, since it's getting late. When they return, the conductor is going crazy, because it's the bottom of the ninth, the basses are loaded, the count is out, and the score is tied!
I'm warning all of you, this one is pretty bad... Person 1: **gathers connector thingies for pop-it beads off of the floor** Person 2: What are you doing? Person 1: **laughs maniacally** I have an army of hydrogen bonds! Person 2: Ummm, okay... Person 1: They might not be strong, but they get the job done. Person 2: **laughs nervously** Person 1: **throws bead connector thingies over Person 2's head and falls on the floor laughing**
