Are people more hostile towards you when they find out your sexuality?

When I'm in my room, sometimes my brother comes in and says stuff like "that's gay" about everything I do. Frustrating more than hostile, but I'm not that out yet so what can you expect?

 

I use "they" pronouns to describe my crushes because I am afraid people will react to me crushing on a "she".

But, no, people don't get hostile if they do find out.

 

I have experienced very little hostility. Granted, I have experienced a cooling in some relationships, but not outright hostility. On the other hand, I have met some very genuine and loving people who are the truest of friends, since I came out 20 years ago. I have honestly gained far more than I ever lost and that's something I repeatedly emphasise to people who are worried about coming out. Don't focus so much on what you might lose, but think about what you might gain.

 

I have only once had a bad experience from a stranger. Usually my mom will pass a comment which doesn't sit well with me. My friends know I am gay but my personal/lack of love life never comes up. They just don't ask. I take it as they really don't want to know... and I don't speak to friends that much these days. I prefer people don't know I am gay. I even bold-faced lied at work to my students (tertiary level teaching) and said I had an ex-girlfriend because I am afraid of the backlash that may happen...

 

I really don't experience much in the way of hostility. I think people are surprised and that can sometimes result in a bit of momentary confusion but generally speaking I don't get hostility. In fact I've had rather surprisingly the contrary.

A couple examples with clients at work come to mind. I'm in investment banking and I work pretty closely with my clients. The more I know about their lives the better I'm able to help them and I often work with clients for years. A year and a half ago I got married and we hyphenated our names. I didn't really think about the fact that it would pretty much bring up the gay thing for everyone that it hadn't come up with yet. In the U.S. there really seems to only be one way that anyone gets a hyphenated name and that seems to be marrying a man.:lol:

Anyway one of the first people who noticed was a wonderful older lady that I've worked with forever. She's very Catholic and to be honest I was a little nervous when she saw the new name and beamed "did you get married?" I did, I responded. "How long have you been with her?" So I braced myself and said "actually he and I have been together for seventeen years." I was a little surprised when she responded with "Thank G*d!" Apparently she had always sort of though I was a nice young man who seemed like I would be a good husband and it was sad that I was alone. And now not only was I not alone, I never had been.:lol:

The other one that comes to mind was a new client. He was upfront about the fact that he was sort of auditioning advisors and there would be other auditions after me. We spent a while talking about his business and life and my background etc. He was a very observant Muslim and I kind of hesitated when he asked me if I was married but responded that I actually got married recently. He congratulated me and asked how long we had been together. About seventeen years, I responded. His response was that that seemed unusual. So I said that actually I was married to a man and until recently obviously there were legal issues. He looked momentarily confused, congratulated me again and we went on with the conversation. I was a little surprised as the meeting drew to a close when he said he wanted to work with me going forward. Given that he had flat out said he wouldn't be making any decisions today I asked him what had changed his mind. He smiled, laughed a bit, and said "well, when was the last time you met someone in your industry who managed to be surprisingly honest in the first ten minutes.":roflmao:

 

I think the majority of people aren't so much hostile, as they are taken aback. Maybe it's different if you present a certain way that kinda fits with stereotypes, because some people make assumptions based on that, but in my experience at least people have always been suprised. It's not such a bad reaction but it's enough that it makes me worried about giving too much away before people have a chance to get to know me. Like Assasin'sKat said, I tend to use neutral pronouns until I'm almost certain that someone won't react badly.

One reaction that I've never had before was from a coworker, who I've kind of been wanting to come out to for a while, since we get on well and are supportive of each other in other respects. She didn't react badly, but she did immediately ask why it was that I found girls more attractive. I suppose it's a reasonable enough question but it kind of struck me that when you're attracted to the same sex, you're expected to justify your feelings in a way that you wouldn't if you were straight. In a way I appreciate that she wanted to know outright rather than waiting until there was a girl I was invested in to start asking questions, if that makes any sense?

 

It depends on the person, but I find a lot of people (younger girls especially) tend to get excited/friendlier when they find out I'm gay

 

I think sometimes men that flirt with me become more hostile, but rarely. Thankfully I haven't had much experience with hostility

 

Not hostility, but... some can become more distant? Otherwise, they'll say, "Are you sure?" or something.

 

I mentioned I was ace to my mother one day at breakfast. She quickly and sharply said, " It's a stepping stone to being gay." I was already starting to come to terms I might be sapphic. Her words put more fear in me especially if I wanted to come out to her later. It really hurt for her to say that so negatively. I corrected her and told her very calmly what being ace is. She later said she didn't have enough information about asexuality anyway. We ended the conversation there. We went on like normal but I definitely am more careful around my mother when it comes to conversations on sexuality.

 

Yes they sadly are. But they were before in some cases. But what can you do?

 

Oh my gosh, yes. And still all the time. It's like there's some people who seem to be intrigued when they find out and then there's some who are just plain weird or rude or both. I've actually had people (former co-workers) seem weird after they've found out to the point that they would just not talk to me anymore or try to avoid me. I've had friends of friends seem disgusted when I've called a girl hot, had it have been a straight girl saying it they wouldn't have seemed disgusted, I didn't clearly appear disgusted all the times they'd talk about men. Just saying. I've had numerous experiences on this. As for being literally offended by what people say that doesn't happen as much, but it does happen frequently. I don't get offended generally when someone uses the term "that's gay". Because I know they're not meaning it in an offensive way and aren't comprehending that it's offensive although it is. I've also noticed that the hostility and offensive words seem to occur a lot more to trans people and gay men than lesbians, from my experience. I also hate the words fag and queer, those are words used commonly in my area when someone is intentionally being offensive. Like where I'm from if you hear one of those words then the person saying them is probably homophobic.

 

Some people were but obviously, they're not my friends anymore The majority were super nice about it and we're closer than ever now.

 

Nope, never once experienced this.

 

There's one guy in my choir that seems to think it's ok to randomly touch my knee in the most annoying way possible since I told him I was bi, but I've never had outright hostility, no.

 

When I first moved to my community people were very hostile. Not physically violent, but very rude and stand off-ish; Things like not greeting me, never holding the door, not engaging in small talk or ignoring my presence completely. Others usually local teenagers engaged in name calling, using every derogatory name for homosexuals they could think of; this was always done in the dead of night outside my window in a cowardly fashion and mostly occurred on Friday and Saturday nights. I chalk it up to too many beers and teenage bully macho bravado; you know too many hormones, too much alcohol and a lot of sexual frustration, not to mention the teenage phallic inferiority complex. Very rarely somebody would call me a faggot to my face, I respect that they at least had the balls to say it to my face.

But with time most of this has stopped and Ive earned the respect of the community, there are still some jerks; but on the whole I'd say 95% of the people have come to accept me, respect me and even like me. I think a lot of the hostility is people are simply misinformed about gay men, thinking we are degenerates who prey on children, once they meet one of us and see we are okay, things change.

 

I haven't encountered hostility so far. Everyone I've come out to were taken aback at first, but have turned out to be very supportive. But then again I'm selective about who I come out to and if I get a negative vibe from someone I don't say a thing.

 

I've heard a few derogatory comments, but generally people don't tend to be hostile to someone who is the size and mass of an orc and at times just as ill tempered.

I have found the women I have told are more supportive than the men.

 

I have occasionally experienced this, but it's rare. Then again, I could be missing it entirely, or handling it in a way that I don't actually register it as an issue.