I recently found out my friend's homophobic, so now I have o idea what to think.. My other best friend and her have a really close relationship (friend-wise) and I don't want to risk anything happening between us.. I'm just curious to know anyone else's thoughts on what you'd do in a situation like this, or if this has ever happened to you.
Well tbh I didn't realize I was actually gay until the end of last year. I wish I could have realized sooner and avoided those disgusting "relationships" with those two guys (not at the same time obviously) but anyway sorry about that. To deal with "homophobic friends" oh that one is tough. While I haven't dealt with any homophobic friends, I have dealt with rough relationships and even falling outs with so called friends. I don't want to,say you're better off because I don't know your situation. Do you feel like it could be worked out? I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
I've been in a situation very similar to your own before, but I didn't realize that the person I was coming out to was homophobic until it was too late. I wound up having to lie excessively in order to calm her down (she freaked) and convince her not to tell everyone, my parents included. She didn't believe me at first, and even once she did, things were really strange between us for a long time. (There's more to the story, but I won't bore you with the details.) You know these people - and the circumstances - better than I do, but for what it's worth, I wouldn't come out to them. Not yet, anyway. Edit: I know people say that it's better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you aren't, and that if someone's really your friend, they'll stick by you (and all that stuff), but that's not very practical. If - homophobia aside - they're good people, and you enjoy their company and don't want to lose them - I would wait. It's also a good idea to not come out until you're sure about your orientation, though at the end of the day, you should do what you feel is best.
Don't worry about it, I'm sure I'll find something. I told her and she's said she feels guilty because of the things she's said in front of me, but of course that doesn't actually solve the fact she's homophobic.. To be honest, I'm not sure if her feelings towards me have actually changed or not in any way, or if she sees me differently now, but it doesn't seem like it, at least not on the surface.
x August x You are who you are and if your friend cannot deal with that well than I am sorry than they aren't much of a friend after all. That may seem a bit harsh, but you can't change or be something you aren't in front of your friend just to please them. That is not fair to you at all. I myself would be honest with them and if they freak then they freak and you move on. There are many other people out there that are willing to accept you for who you are and you don't have to be fake. This is probably not what you want to hear, but it is the way I feel and TBH exactly what I'd do if I was in that situation. I have many straight girlfriends(none of which are homophobic), and when they found out 100% that I was a Lesbian they didn't skip a beat in being my friend or treating the same.
Thanks, but I'm already out to her ^^' Luckily she didn't freak out too much, but I do sometimes feel like things are slightly more awkward between us, however on the most part I don't think it's affected our relationship too much.. But that's more her side of things.
Thanks for this ^~^ And I don't mean it in a sarcastic way xD I'll keep this in mind if for future situations
There's no point in repressing yourself merely for the sake of the judgement of your friend. But as homophobia comes in many levels, it is up to you as to how much you distance yourself from her...sometimes, especially when the homophobia is based more on a lack of exposure to or knowledge about non heteronormativity, (it's kinda weird vs. you'll die in hell) then it's is a matter of time till they become better educated and more supportive. All of my friends are accepting and chill, but occasionally they say dumb things that make my reactions range from a raised eyebrow, cringe, facepalm, eye roll or uncontrollable laughter.
I wouldn't push to hard but try to let her become more opened mined. Then from there just let things flow
Actually, I can relate to your situation because I once had a friend who I had found out was very homophobic. The reason I found this to be somewhat disturbing is that the community we both live in is very gay friendly and is well recognized for that acknowledgement. Therefore, whenever we would hang out and he would see a gay guy or a gay couple, he would give them a really nasty look and lash out with very homophobic rants. Afterwards, he would just continuously go on this tangent about how much he despises gay people. Although I never came out to him...his behavior confirmed to me not to do so. In the long run, I came to the decision that it would better off to end the friendship altogether due to his personal views. Unfortunately, it was in some ways not an easy decision for me to make but at the end of the day, it was the right one.
Wow, sorry you had to go through something like that.. Thanks for your input, as well. My friend told me straight up that she thinks being gay should be illegal, then the next day I came out to her.. She says she feels really guilty now.
You know, August, a lot of homophobia (and biphobia) is the result of ignorance and the lack of information among the general population about the true nature of human sexuality. Many times, when such ignorance is met with facts (in this case you - a person your friend knows and respects - Came Out to her), they have to reevalute why they adopted their homophobic attitudes in the first place. Overall, this is almost certainly a good thing. Educating homophobic people is often the best way to end - or at least significantly modify - their homophobic behavior. Just a thought.
