For a while now, I've been having the thoughts that I may tell people I'm bisexual as a means of "keeping my options open", almost like I'm not really bisexual but I'm scared that if I identify as straight, I will have nothing to "fall back on" in case I don't find a man, and have no means of dating, should I meet a nice girl. I'm by no means saying that all bisexual folk do this, I'm talking about myself. I know that it's normal to have doubts about one's sexuality, but what if my doubts are actually my heart trying to convince my mind that I really am straight after all. I don't know how to word it really, I hope this makes sense. I just feel so torn sometimes. As you guys can see, my orientation is listed as bi-romantic heterosexual. This is mainly because - at this stage - I'm not interested in sex with a woman, just the romance part. As can also be seen on my out status, I'm out to most as bisexual. This is not because I like the way it sounds, but the label seems to fit for the most part. I'm not completely disregarding women as sexual partners, as I think I only feel the way I do because I haven't had sex with a woman yet, and am scared that I won't like or enjoy it. So I'm not quite ready to simply ditch the bisexual label. I'm just scared that I make myself like women to keep my options open, you know, in case I don't find a man. That's just how I feel at the moment :icon_sad: My dating pool has run dry at the moment too, which just make these thoughts surface even more......
Hey I think it's normal to have doubts and worry about why your mind does what it does. When I was figuring out my sexuality I was always thinking but what if I come out gay and then fall in love with a man, even though when I thought about it I had never been attracted to one. So what kind of things do you imagine with girls? Do you notice the, walking down the street?
Yeah, I definitely notice them in public, and I get dirty thoughts about them (not specifically them but about women in general). I imagine us cuddling, kissing, and doing couple-y things, and I also imagine the sexual part. But when I do, my throat gets tight and I get uncomfortable. I think it's more of a fear of the unknown kind of thing. I mean, I'm not exactly repulsed by those thoughts, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if it's some form of biphobia or homophobia or something else. Whatever it is, I wish it'd stop and let me enjoy my dirty thoughts in peace :lol: Seriously though, I fantasize about it a lot, but I'm scared that I won't like it if I try it. Besides, I need a girlfriend first. I'm definitely not going to have a hook-up, because I need to at least care about her in a romantic sense. I've had hook-ups with men and it left me feeling dirty, used and unfulfilled. It's not for me to have meaningless sex with someone.
I think you should pay more attention to the thoughts you are having about other women than the tight feeling in your throat, which is probably linked to shame or fear of some kind. If you have reached the age of 28 with no significant or meaningful interest in men, it's probably fair to say that it's not going to happen now. Only you can decide on a label for yourself and if you feel more comfortable identifying as bisexual it's not for me or anybody else to argue or say you are wrong.
It's not like I don't think or feel this way about men too. I actually feel that way about men more often and more intensely than with women. That said, the thoughts and feelings toward women are still there. But it's only with women that I get the tight throat feeling when I think about them sexually. I still feel like I'm simply keeping my options open, so that I will have a bigger range of dating. I'm just so frustrated because of this.
I can relate, totally, but for me this feeling of uneasiness gradually faded as I put my thoughts into action, and got used to the idea of having this "gay side".
Hey you are definitely not alone, I think a lot of people have been there it's like a kind of internalised homophobia. I've always been supportive of LGBT people but when I suddenly realised I might be gay it sent me in a complete head spin. It can take a bit of getting used to allowing those feelings. I know it sounds stupid but telling yourself it's ok to be bisexual and have those thoughts can help. Acknowledging them and even encouraging them can also help. Allow yourself to have days where you look at women and admire them and tell yourself it's ok.
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/234682-doesnt-seem-real-can-anyone-relate.html this thread is similar in a way, i think
Glad to hear that it's not a permanent thing :icon_bigg Thanks for the advice, I will definitely try that Thanks, I've read through that thread and it definitely seems similar to my "problem"
