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Coming out to gf need help

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Vicarious, May 9, 2017.

  1. Vicarious

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    So me and my gf have been together for 5 years, we were split up for a year when I was on drugs but we are back together. I've been attracted to both sexes for as long as I can remember but have only told a handful of people. I work in construction and couldn't imagine coming all the way out. We have a daughter together. Sometimes this wave comes over me, idk what to call it. But I just want to go out and be with a guy, then come back and still be in a relationship. I have actually done this a few times, then I feel shameful and disgusted. Id like to tell her I'm bisexual, but I'm not mentally prepared for her to know this. It's actually eating me up inside. Would it be normal to have a gf that lets you bone guys every now and then?? lol seriously I've been hiding this for like 15 years and I don't know what to do. Any feedback is appreciated thank you
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Most people would not let their partner have sex (I assume that's what ''bone'' means) with another person whilst they are dating/in a relationship.
     
    #2 Secrets5, May 9, 2017
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  3. Creativemind

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    What the above person said. Not only would most people not share partners with someone else, but most straight women are pretty biphobic when it comes to male sexuality. Sometimes coming out goes well, but usually not if there are other motives.
     
  4. gravechild

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    I've heard of a few couples arranging things like the guy can sleep with other men, but not women, or nothing more than sex. Not sure how successful these are in the long-term, and my suspicions would be that they're a temporary solution that end up hurting both more than anything.

    Personally, I couldn't imagine severing romantic feelings from sex. That might be one reason so many closeted guys finally decide to up and go: they find the "right" one who totally eclipses anything they've previously felt and decide its just too good to give up.

    Another thing is that male-male relationships tend to be more lax regarding monogamy. With women, less so, especially if it involves another man. Sadly, many women write off bisexual men, and them hiding their sexuality and coming out later only adds to the negative cycle.

    I don't think its fair to her. Would you allow her the same privileges?
     
  5. Vicarious

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    Thank you. I wouldn't know if I would be comfortable with that until I was faced with it honestly. When those feelings come over me it's like a rush and the way I handle it is shameful. I'd like to forget about it all together but can't seem to.
     
  6. Secrets5

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    I'm not sure how others will respond to this so maybe some answer on my suggestion.

    Would it be possible for you to use a dildo (fake penis) as a substitute, since it wouldn't be another person.
     
  7. Vicarious

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    Lol never tried that probably be scary to buy one..., well that goes back to my original problem I would then most likely have to out myself right? That's really what I was trying to discuss, I understand it's not normal to be in an open relationship with a bisexual partner. I'm more so terrified of divulging this info to my babies mother.
     
    #7 Vicarious, May 9, 2017
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  8. Secrets5

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    You can come out as bisexual and still stay completely faithful to her. Despite stereotypes, bisexuals can do that, you just have to assure her that and hope she accepts you.

    You don't have to say anything though. 42% of bisexuals never come out.
     
  9. Assassin'sKat

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    If you are gunna go out with men you better tell her because that's cheating unless she's okay with it.

    Tell her. Or stop going out with guys.

    I mean, you can wait to tell her, but don't be a cheater.