In my class, I sit next to this girl (who I happen to really like but that's not the point) and she's a year younger than everyone else. She doesn't really know anyone in the class, and she makes it kind of hard to befriend her (on her phone alot and often goes to a different room to work). Anyway, on Wednesday she came to class and she seemed kind of upset, but kind of hid that and went on her phone. I didn't notice that she was upset until the teacher approached her, seeming worried. After class, I noticed that the girl and the teacher talked for a while. Anyway, today (after the girl left to work in a different room) the teacher came up and sat beside me. She told me that this girl is very sad and lonely, and doesn't really have anyone to talk to in a lot of her classes. She said that the girl feels kind of depressed, and that it would make her day for me to initiate a conversation with her. I would love love love to be friends with the girl, however I am horrible at initiating conversations. And when it's someone who I actually have a crush on (but this will be strictly friendship because she just REALLY NEEDS A FRIEND) I get super anxious. Please help me!! I want to help this girl, and would love it so much if we could become friends.
Hey Forrsythia, Couple of questions. Has this girl skipped a grade? Is that why she's in your class? I think the fact that the teacher came to you shows that she thinks you and this girl could be compatible as friends. Or you're just a really nice person. Either way, here's my thought. How about approaching this girl and saying you wanted to start a study group and wondered if she were interested. Tell her it would just be you two to start and if it works out, you could invite others. I think you need to be open to helping her make more than just one friend. I think that would be a nice thing for her. If she has, in fact, skipped a grade and for some reason asks why you're asking her, you can reply that you're looking for someone smart to study with and she must be if she's a grade ahead of herself. (This may not come up.) I think having something in common like having to study for the class is an easy, safe way to start a conversation with her. What do you think?
I think this is a good idea! However she hasn't skipped a grade. In my school, sometimes older or younger grades get placed into a class if their own grades' classes are full.
Oh. Ok. So, if you're doing Math 10, for example, is she also doing Math 10 or is the teacher teaching two Math classes at once?
How would you feel about just openly asking her if she would like to do something after school? Asking her to hang out is going to be scary either way for you if you're shy, which I understand cause oh my god, I am so shy and awkward. It usually helps me to just say what's on my mind. Then you don't feel like you have to talk around what you actually mean. And she's probably going to be grateful you want to hang out with her if she doesn't have so many friends at your school. I think it's really unlikely, but if she did ask "why" you could just say that you think she seems nice
Ok! So, asking her if she'd like to study together would be totally normal. Inviting her to sit with you at lunch is also an option. Or waiting for the bus after school together or walking home if you live in the same direction. All sorts of possibilities. Try to think of it as if she were already a friend; what might you ask her to do with you?
Oh thank you for the tips!! Would asking for her number because she seems nice be ok? Or is it too forward (I'm so nervous aha). My idea is to ask her about her weekend, try to carry on a conversation of sorts, and then at least form a base. Your idea about thinking of her as already a friend is really good!
You're idea to ask her about her weekend is great! Have a bit of a conversation and then suggest you exchange numbers so you can text about the classwork or meet up to study or hang out at the mall or whatever. If she seems reluctant, offer to give her yours so she'll have it if she wants it. Don't be offended if she doesn't give you hers. Her parents may have some rule about giving it out but hopefully once she gets to know you more, it won't be a problem.
Ok thank you!! I think maybe I'll try to talk to her a little throughout the week (form a base) and then I'll ask if she wants to eat lunch outside with me, and we can become better friends then. Then when we're eating outside, it would be more appropriate to ask for her number cause we'd basically be friends at that point!!
