a thread for people to post their examples of that most awesome of joke construction: the lightbulb joke XD a few of my favorites: How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb? One. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Aardvark. How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to change it and one to write a song about how good the old one was.
How many drag queens does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to change it, and the other three to mutter "I could do that SO much better." How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But the lightbulb really has to WANT to change. How many fundamentalist Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. One to screw it in, and four to claim that the lightbulb was lit the second he started screwing. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. The trick is getting them inside the lightbulb. But give them time - they'll find a way. How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? "That's not funny." Lex
How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team and they all get a semester's credit for it How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they'd rather curse the darkness I know there terrible but i dont know many light bulb jokes
how many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? One,he stands and holds it and the world revolves around him
How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one to hold it in place and the rest of them to spin the house around.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. (It might take you a second...) How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. "I'll just sit here in the dark..." How many social workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. Two to write the grant to get the finding, two to do a written evaluation about whether it's in the best interests of the lightbulb to change, and whether it wants to change, and one to change it.
How many Helens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, she's not gonna touch that IT'S GOT CAT VOMIT ON IT!!!!
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me? Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of the light socket Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark. Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb? A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! A4. Rottweiler: Make me. A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ... A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster... A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
