Lightbulbs - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Phantom · 9th Jun 2009, 05:17 AM

a thread for people to post their examples of that most awesome of joke construction: the lightbulb joke XD

a few of my favorites: How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb? One.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Aardvark.
How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to change it and one to write a song about how good the old one was.

**Lexington** · 9th Jun 2009, 07:19 AM

How many drag queens does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it, and the other three to mutter "I could do that SO much better."

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But the lightbulb really has to WANT to change.

How many fundamentalist Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to screw it in, and four to claim that the lightbulb was lit the second he started screwing.

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. The trick is getting them inside the lightbulb. But give them time - they'll find a way.

How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
"That's not funny."

Lex

carrie90 · 9th Jun 2009, 08:39 AM

How many college football players does it take to change a light
bulb?
The entire team and they all get a semester's credit for it

How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None they'd rather curse the darkness

I know there terrible but i dont know many light bulb jokes

Just Adam · 9th Jun 2009, 08:46 AM

how many monkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?

2 as G.W.B couldent do it by himself

Tim · 9th Jun 2009, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexington

How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. The trick is getting them inside the lightbulb. But give them time - they'll find a way.

Why did I laugh at that? ._.

kettleoffish · 9th Jun 2009, 09:49 AM

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

fallendream · 9th Jun 2009, 10:44 AM

i found three of those funny... 0.o

alot were scary how people stero-typicalise others 0.o

partietraumatic · 9th Jun 2009, 10:58 AM

how many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One,he stands and holds it and the world revolves around him

**Ben** · 9th Jun 2009, 12:25 PM

How many boring people does to take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

9th Jun 2009, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexington

How many drag queens does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it, and the other three to mutter "I could do that SO much better."

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
"That's not funny."

Lex

Those two are my favourites.

9th Jun 2009, 07:30 PM

How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
one to hold it in place and the rest of them to spin the house around.

**Chip** · 9th Jun 2009, 10:49 PM

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
(It might take you a second...)

How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. "I'll just sit here in the dark..."

How many social workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. Two to write the grant to get the finding, two to do a written evaluation about whether it's in the best interests of the lightbulb to change, and whether it wants to change, and one to change it.

Hoppip · 12th Jun 2009, 03:25 PM

How many Helens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, she's not gonna touch that IT'S GOT CAT VOMIT ON IT!!!!

George · 13th Jun 2009, 09:33 PM

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation
specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one
else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even
know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the
dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it
out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact
that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But
if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS
LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on
to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT
BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT
THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES
OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE
HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did
you ask me?

Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of
the light socket

Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark.

Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
A4. Rottweiler: Make me.
A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?
A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...
A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF.

**Maddy** · 13th Jun 2009, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seanathon

How many Helens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, she's not gonna touch that IT'S GOT CAT VOMIT ON IT!!!!

Congratulations, sir, you have officially killed me.

9th Jun 2009, 05:17 AM	#1
Phantom Proud Doctor Who Nerd Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Tout le monde Location: Caerdydd :D Age: 19 Posts: 97 Join Date: Jan 2009	Lightbulbs a thread for people to post their examples of that most awesome of joke construction: the lightbulb joke XD a few of my favorites: How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb? One. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Aardvark. How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to change it and one to write a song about how good the old one was. __________________ "Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good." - The Doctor

9th Jun 2009, 07:19 AM	#2
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Lightbulbs How many drag queens does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to change it, and the other three to mutter "I could do that SO much better." How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But the lightbulb really has to WANT to change. How many fundamentalist Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. One to screw it in, and four to claim that the lightbulb was lit the second he started screwing. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. The trick is getting them inside the lightbulb. But give them time - they'll find a way. How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? "That's not funny." Lex

9th Jun 2009, 08:39 AM	#3
carrie90 The square root of 4 is rainbows Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: everybody really Location: Originally Montana but currently San Fransisco Age: 21 Posts: 1,327 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Lightbulbs How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team and they all get a semester's credit for it How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they'd rather curse the darkness I know there terrible but i dont know many light bulb jokes __________________ I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an enviorment of irrational, random terror -Sue Sylvester

9th Jun 2009, 08:46 AM	#4
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Lightbulbs how many monkeys does it take to change a lightbulb? 2 as G.W.B couldent do it by himself __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

9th Jun 2009, 09:49 AM	#6
kettleoffish new avatar time! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: all but parents.. for now. Location: Scotland Age: 18 Posts: 1,045 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Lightbulbs How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side. __________________ ~~There is no way to peace; peace is the way.~~ --A. J. Muste

9th Jun 2009, 10:44 AM	#7
fallendream EC Addict Full Member Gender: manlyman, hwar! Orientation: i have a floppy wrist? Out Status: i left aslan... Age: 17 Posts: 945 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Lightbulbs i found three of those funny... 0.o alot were scary how people stero-typicalise others 0.o __________________ [seanathon] 1:09 am: You think I'm not naked? [seanathon] 1:09 am: I've got an ice pack tied to my head using socks.

9th Jun 2009, 10:58 AM	#8
partietraumatic A gay heteropolitan? Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Enough for now Location: Oxford and Birmingham, UK Age: 20 Posts: 1,300 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Lightbulbs how many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? One,he stands and holds it and the world revolves around him __________________ 'Im not your toy and this isn't another girl meets boy'

9th Jun 2009, 12:25 PM	#9
Ben Was Invisible. EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 20 Posts: 3,704 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Lightbulbs How many boring people does to take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

9th Jun 2009, 07:30 PM	#11
Legnaj Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Lightbulbs How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one to hold it in place and the rest of them to spin the house around.

9th Jun 2009, 10:49 PM	#12
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,576 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Lightbulbs How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. (It might take you a second...) How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. "I'll just sit here in the dark..." How many social workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. Two to write the grant to get the finding, two to do a written evaluation about whether it's in the best interests of the lightbulb to change, and whether it wants to change, and one to change it.

12th Jun 2009, 03:25 PM	#13
Hoppip look at the good i do Full Member Gender: Lv. 18 ♂ Orientation: Water / Dragon Out Status: Uncommon Location: Johto Posts: 1,562 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Lightbulbs How many Helens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, she's not gonna touch that IT'S GOT CAT VOMIT ON IT!!!! __________________ KUDOS ME. I made myshelf pregnant.

13th Jun 2009, 09:33 PM	#14
George Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,387 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Lightbulbs Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me? Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of the light socket Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark. Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb? A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! A4. Rottweiler: Make me. A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ... A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster... A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.