How would you feel. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

hoping · 23rd Jun 2009, 05:58 AM

so what would you do if your bf/gf was in the military and was deployed? And how would you deal with being away from them for up to 6 months at a time or in some cases 12 to 18 months?
I was just having this weird thought today about if i had a bf and he was in the army. how would i feel about these things and im interested in what you guys would do.
Do you feel that you wouldnt be able to do it? or do you think it could make your love stronger?

**Jim1454** · 23rd Jun 2009, 08:29 AM

I wouldn't seek out a relationship like that - that's for sure. But love makes us do some crazy things.

The other issue is that often people that are away on 'active duty' come back a different person. There was recently an investigation done here into the issues being faced by the Canadian military personnel that returned from Afghanistan - and it wasn't pretty. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder seems to run rampant, and there isn't enough support for these men and women when they return.

It has been very hard on the spouses and families of the soldiers.

Thankfully my bf is a professor at a local university. All I have to worry about is him going away once every 5 years or so on a 6 month sabatical. And even then, if he were to go away I could always go visit him there.

seadog · 23rd Jun 2009, 10:32 AM

I think each would have the strength to deal with the situation if and when it arises. It would be tough, for sure. Separation often makes the heart fonder. Then there is the temptation to become absorbed in our own need for a sexual release. Now that would be interesting to see which battle attracts more energy, focusing on the distant friend or focusing on the need for a release. God bless all service men and women and their families.

carrie90 · 23rd Jun 2009, 01:42 PM

I couldnt do it and its not just the length of time they would be away (which would be very hard) but its also about the worry id be scared everytime the phone rang incase it was bad news

Apocalypte · 23rd Jun 2009, 02:50 PM

I'd find it very difficult to cope with the deployments - especially the constant worry over whether something bad would happen to her. However, if I was going out with a girl in the military I'd be incredibly proud of her for her service to the country.

**Gerry** · 23rd Jun 2009, 04:10 PM

I think I would have a difficult time dealing with them being away for such a long time but who knows, long distance relationships definitely can work out. And there are means of communication so it wouldn't be as bad as it was say 50 years ago.

the ry guy · 23rd Jun 2009, 07:04 PM

Its a total mind fuck. it wasnt' in a relationship for either of my deployments thank god, but i've seen what it can do to people, it's one thing if your military/chain of command openly supports you and all but completely different if it doesn't. in the US Military you need a CAC card to plug into computers (Common Access Card) which has all your info on it to access the internet and it monitors every site you go to even your email, your mail isn't always private either someone else can find it or someone already open'd it before you got it (yes it does happen), your only safe bet is cell phones if you can get a signal. but being cut off for so long does things to you mentally some people can hack it others not so much.

littledinosaurs · 23rd Jun 2009, 07:17 PM

I would never find myself in this situation, but i'd imagine that anyone who was would be racked with tons of conflicting emotions and if they were a same-sex couple in the US they wouldn't be able to do much about it. =\

Greggers · 23rd Jun 2009, 07:48 PM

I dont think that i would ever fall for a military man heh...

But id most likely go insane.

Lychee · 23rd Jun 2009, 07:59 PM

Yeah, I don't think I'd fall for someone in the military coz I'm pretty against war, and more into nerdy guys like computer geeks and stuff xD however, I'd be really devastated. I probably wouldn't cope very well :|

MusicIsLife · 23rd Jun 2009, 10:12 PM

i don't think me and a military girl would last more than 5 seconds, as im very much against war.

Just Adam · 24th Jun 2009, 04:16 AM

i wouldent be worryed about beeing alone id be worryed that would i even see them again

23rd Jun 2009, 05:58 AM	#1
hoping EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: australia Age: 23 Posts: 527 Join Date: May 2007	How would you feel. so what would you do if your bf/gf was in the military and was deployed? And how would you deal with being away from them for up to 6 months at a time or in some cases 12 to 18 months? I was just having this weird thought today about if i had a bf and he was in the army. how would i feel about these things and im interested in what you guys would do. Do you feel that you wouldnt be able to do it? or do you think it could make your love stronger? __________________ On to canada in 2012

23rd Jun 2009, 08:29 AM	#2
Jim1454 EC 'Dad' EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 41 Posts: 7,449 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: How would you feel. I wouldn't seek out a relationship like that - that's for sure. But love makes us do some crazy things. The other issue is that often people that are away on 'active duty' come back a different person. There was recently an investigation done here into the issues being faced by the Canadian military personnel that returned from Afghanistan - and it wasn't pretty. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder seems to run rampant, and there isn't enough support for these men and women when they return. It has been very hard on the spouses and families of the soldiers. Thankfully my bf is a professor at a local university. All I have to worry about is him going away once every 5 years or so on a 6 month sabatical. And even then, if he were to go away I could always go visit him there. __________________ Jim "It is never too late to be what you might have been."

23rd Jun 2009, 10:32 AM	#3
seadog Love Beyond Labels Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Barely Location: Washington Posts: 465 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: How would you feel. I think each would have the strength to deal with the situation if and when it arises. It would be tough, for sure. Separation often makes the heart fonder. Then there is the temptation to become absorbed in our own need for a sexual release. Now that would be interesting to see which battle attracts more energy, focusing on the distant friend or focusing on the need for a release. God bless all service men and women and their families.

23rd Jun 2009, 01:42 PM	#4
carrie90 The square root of 4 is rainbows Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: everybody really Location: Originally Montana but currently San Fransisco Age: 21 Posts: 1,327 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: How would you feel. I couldnt do it and its not just the length of time they would be away (which would be very hard) but its also about the worry id be scared everytime the phone rang incase it was bad news __________________ I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an enviorment of irrational, random terror -Sue Sylvester

23rd Jun 2009, 02:50 PM	#5
Apocalypte Ytse Jamming. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Dublin, Ireland Age: 27 Posts: 2,217 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: How would you feel. I'd find it very difficult to cope with the deployments - especially the constant worry over whether something bad would happen to her. However, if I was going out with a girl in the military I'd be incredibly proud of her for her service to the country. __________________ "I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson

23rd Jun 2009, 04:10 PM	#6
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,551 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: How would you feel. I think I would have a difficult time dealing with them being away for such a long time but who knows, long distance relationships definitely can work out. And there are means of communication so it wouldn't be as bad as it was say 50 years ago. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

23rd Jun 2009, 07:04 PM	#7
the ry guy Resident Gun owner Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: A few people Location: Chicago, IL Age: 27 Posts: 388 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: How would you feel. Its a total mind fuck. it wasnt' in a relationship for either of my deployments thank god, but i've seen what it can do to people, it's one thing if your military/chain of command openly supports you and all but completely different if it doesn't. in the US Military you need a CAC card to plug into computers (Common Access Card) which has all your info on it to access the internet and it monitors every site you go to even your email, your mail isn't always private either someone else can find it or someone already open'd it before you got it (yes it does happen), your only safe bet is cell phones if you can get a signal. but being cut off for so long does things to you mentally some people can hack it others not so much. __________________ "God created people, but Samuel Colt made them equal" Vote Republican

23rd Jun 2009, 07:17 PM	#8
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: How would you feel. I would never find myself in this situation, but i'd imagine that anyone who was would be racked with tons of conflicting emotions and if they were a same-sex couple in the US they wouldn't be able to do much about it. =\ __________________ Âllo Là

23rd Jun 2009, 07:48 PM	#9
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: How would you feel. I dont think that i would ever fall for a military man heh... But id most likely go insane. __________________ "It's a male duck."

23rd Jun 2009, 07:59 PM	#10
Lychee EC Addict Full Member Gender: Spazmatazz Orientation: Friendspage Location: Contrabassoon Posts: 1,739 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: How would you feel. Yeah, I don't think I'd fall for someone in the military coz I'm pretty against war, and more into nerdy guys like computer geeks and stuff xD however, I'd be really devastated. I probably wouldn't cope very well :\| __________________ We we we so excited.

23rd Jun 2009, 10:12 PM	#11
MusicIsLife EC Addict Full Member Gender: Not even sure anymore. Something in between. Orientation: I like girls :) Out Status: Everyone on orientation 7 people on trans issue. Location: Montréal, QC Age: 23 Posts: 1,595 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: How would you feel. i don't think me and a military girl would last more than 5 seconds, as im very much against war.

24th Jun 2009, 04:16 AM	#12
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: How would you feel. i wouldent be worryed about beeing alone id be worryed that would i even see them again __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

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