is it considered cheating..... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Tiny Catastrophe · 25th Jun 2009, 11:49 PM

if you're a girl in a relationship with a guy and you hook up with a girl? My friends and I have been debating this for a few days and I want to know what some other people think.

**Maddy** · 25th Jun 2009, 11:54 PM

I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be cheating. In my opinion, if you're in a relationship with someone and you hook up with someone else (unless you know your partner's OK with it), you're cheating, it doesn't matter what genders are involved.

25th Jun 2009, 11:54 PM

Yes.
It is if you have not previously agreed upon it with your significant other. If he/she does not know that you are hooking up with someone else (even if they are of the opposing gender), then it is cheating.

This reminds me of the TERRIBLE stereotype that all bisexuals need to be in two relationships. Like we can't be monogamous because we are attracted to both genders. Pure and utter bullshit.

25th Jun 2009, 11:56 PM

yeah i'm pretty sure that's still cheating. a few guys dont mind cause they like seeing girls kiss, but i know a guy that actually didn't take that exact thing very well once, so it happens.

CrystalCat · 26th Jun 2009, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numfarh

Yes.

This reminds me of the TERRIBLE stereotype that all bisexuals need to be in two relationships. Like we can't be monogamous because we are attracted to both genders. Pure and utter bullshit.

Exactly. Bisexuality does NOT equal polygamy

carrie90 · 26th Jun 2009, 10:55 AM

Yes of course its cheating no matter what gender your with if you go with somebody regardless of there gender aswell else it is still cheating

littledinosaurs · 26th Jun 2009, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by firecausesburns

if you're in a relationship with someone and you hook up with someone else (unless you know your partner's OK with it), you're cheating

This is exactly correct.

26th Jun 2009, 11:56 AM

It's cheating.

Mickey · 26th Jun 2009, 12:10 PM

Cheating is cheating,regardless of the sex of the person someone cheats with.

Thisisnew · 26th Jun 2009, 12:12 PM

Like everyone else said it's cheating.

GhostDog · 26th Jun 2009, 12:15 PM

Yes.

If your relationship is not explicitly open, hooking up with anyone else is cheating. Open relationships are perfectly fine, but both parties need to agree to it before you do that sort of thing. Maybe said boyfriend would just go, "You wanna hook up with a girl? Awesome! Can I watch?", but maybe he'd be hurt and offended, so it's best to bring it up beforehand if that's something someone wants to do.

Like Numfarh said, doing otherwise just perpetuates bad stereotypes about bisexuals. Like they don't get enough crap as it is. =/ (Ugh, how many lesbians have I seen saying "I won't date a bisexual, she'll just cheat on me with a guy"?)

Personally, I find the idea that a girl hooking up with another girl is somehow LESS cheating than a girl hooking up with a guy other than her boyfriend rather... offensive. Like cheating with another girl is seen as somehow less of a threat to a monogamous relationship than cheating with a guy, because it's "hot" or a girl isn't as much competition as another guy would be. It seems to just relegate girl-girl relations to the territory of "something else girls can do that straight guys find hot" rather than being serious in their own right.

I wonder how many of the guys out there who'd hate to see their girlfriend with another man (because what if she likes him better, right?) would like to see said girlfriend with another girl, and it never occurs to them that hey, what if she likes her better? It never seems to come up in those conversations. Likewise, I see a lot of college-age girls who talk about flings with other women, who just say "oh, my boyfriend would probably think it's hot". What if he doesn't? Why just assume he's going to take you cheating on him in stride because hurhur, it's with another woman therefore it's hot, not cheating? I know that just seems to be the way it is, but it's irritating. Maybe I just need to get out of college and away from these people, I don't know.

Cheating is just as sleazy, no matter who you're cheating with! Bah.

**Eleanor Rigby** · 26th Jun 2009, 01:08 PM

It probably depends on if the girl previously had an agreement with her boyfriend about seing other people or seing other girls while they are currently in a relationship.
But if it's something that she hides to her boyfriend and that he doesn't agree with, yes it's cheating.

thebikelady · 26th Jun 2009, 02:06 PM

A good rule of thumb is that if you question whether or not it is cheating, it probably is.

Thisisnew · 26th Jun 2009, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thebikelady

A good rule of thumb is that if you question whether or not it is cheating, it probably is.

I agree with that.

silas99 · 26th Jun 2009, 03:54 PM

I think the sort of people who dont think its cheating don't believe bisexuality exists. In their mind its ok for a girl with a boyfriend to kiss a girl because she doesnt really fancy her and its just a bit of a laugh. I have a few friends like that and it annoys me so much! One of my best friends is a bisexual and she slept with a girl when she had a boyfriend. She was drunk and felt very guilty about it so decided to just tell him the truth. He didnt care and in fact told her it was a turn on. Needless to say she dumbed him for not acknowledging her sexuality!

Just Adam · 26th Jun 2009, 03:59 PM

its cheating your betraying the partners love thats not cool

Tiny Catastrophe · 26th Jun 2009, 05:20 PM

i win! my friends says its not cheating

Selqet · 26th Jun 2009, 06:16 PM

It depends on the relationship, and how "cheating" is defined. Cheating is, at its core, basically a betrayal of trust, and of boundaries.

So, if you're a girl, in a relationship with a guy who is OK with you kissing or otherwise hooking up with another girl (or guy), then it would not be cheating. If you do not KNOW if he'd be OK with it....ask. Otherwise I'd say it then starts getting into the "cheating" territory, since you've decided to pursue a path without regard to your partner's feelings on the matter--though its possible he'd be fine w/ it and you're in the clear, its still a "playing with fire" situation.

That being said--I know lots of completely monogamous couples and several polyamorous couples, and in several of the (guy/girl) monogamous couples, the guys are OK with the girls fooling around with other girls (though some are only OK w/ kissing, others with...more). So, statistically speaking, you're probably right.

**Maddy** · 26th Jun 2009, 06:21 PM

Your friends believe it isn't, a lot of us believe it is. I guess it's hard to define right and wrong, but if someone's planning on doing something like this, make sure your partner's on the same page - even if you don't think you're cheating, if your partner does, it's going to get pretty nasty pretty fast.

twixy30 · 26th Jun 2009, 06:35 PM

we all say we want to be treated just like everone else then this has to be the same way cheating is cheating no if and but about it if you are in a relationship then treat it like such if you dated a man then it would be cheating sorry if thats rude but you asked

25th Jun 2009, 11:49 PM	#1
Tiny Catastrophe Love is genderless <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: 2 sisters, mom, friends, school Location: New Yorkish Age: 19 Posts: 863 Join Date: Jun 2009	is it considered cheating..... if you're a girl in a relationship with a guy and you hook up with a girl? My friends and I have been debating this for a few days and I want to know what some other people think. __________________ Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there. Because you cant remember a time in your life when it wasnt but then one day you feel something else. Something that feels wrong, only because its so unfamiliar. Then in that moment you realize you're happy.

25th Jun 2009, 11:54 PM	#2
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: is it considered cheating..... I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be cheating. In my opinion, if you're in a relationship with someone and you hook up with someone else (unless you know your partner's OK with it), you're cheating, it doesn't matter what genders are involved. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

25th Jun 2009, 11:54 PM	#3
Numfarh Guest Posts: n/a	Re: is it considered cheating..... Yes. It is if you have not previously agreed upon it with your significant other. If he/she does not know that you are hooking up with someone else (even if they are of the opposing gender), then it is cheating. This reminds me of the TERRIBLE stereotype that all bisexuals need to be in two relationships. Like we can't be monogamous because we are attracted to both genders. Pure and utter bullshit.

25th Jun 2009, 11:56 PM	#4
paco Guest Posts: n/a	Re: is it considered cheating..... yeah i'm pretty sure that's still cheating. a few guys dont mind cause they like seeing girls kiss, but i know a guy that actually didn't take that exact thing very well once, so it happens.

26th Jun 2009, 10:55 AM	#6
carrie90 The square root of 4 is rainbows Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: everybody really Location: Originally Montana but currently San Fransisco Age: 21 Posts: 1,327 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... Yes of course its cheating no matter what gender your with if you go with somebody regardless of there gender aswell else it is still cheating __________________ I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an enviorment of irrational, random terror -Sue Sylvester

26th Jun 2009, 11:56 AM	#8
BitterEdge Guest Posts: n/a	Re: is it considered cheating..... It's cheating.

26th Jun 2009, 12:10 PM	#9
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 50 Posts: 1,775 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: is it considered cheating..... Cheating is cheating,regardless of the sex of the person someone cheats with. __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

26th Jun 2009, 12:12 PM	#10
Thisisnew EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: All lesbian all the time!! Out Status: I...I guess it runs in the family! =] Location: NY Age: 20 Posts: 1,302 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... Like everyone else said it's cheating. __________________ Thank god for ipods and gays!

26th Jun 2009, 12:15 PM	#11
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... Yes. If your relationship is not explicitly open, hooking up with anyone else is cheating. Open relationships are perfectly fine, but both parties need to agree to it before you do that sort of thing. Maybe said boyfriend would just go, "You wanna hook up with a girl? Awesome! Can I watch?", but maybe he'd be hurt and offended, so it's best to bring it up beforehand if that's something someone wants to do. Like Numfarh said, doing otherwise just perpetuates bad stereotypes about bisexuals. Like they don't get enough crap as it is. =/ (Ugh, how many lesbians have I seen saying "I won't date a bisexual, she'll just cheat on me with a guy"?) Personally, I find the idea that a girl hooking up with another girl is somehow LESS cheating than a girl hooking up with a guy other than her boyfriend rather... offensive. Like cheating with another girl is seen as somehow less of a threat to a monogamous relationship than cheating with a guy, because it's "hot" or a girl isn't as much competition as another guy would be. It seems to just relegate girl-girl relations to the territory of "something else girls can do that straight guys find hot" rather than being serious in their own right. I wonder how many of the guys out there who'd hate to see their girlfriend with another man (because what if she likes him better, right?) would like to see said girlfriend with another girl, and it never occurs to them that hey, what if she likes her better? It never seems to come up in those conversations. Likewise, I see a lot of college-age girls who talk about flings with other women, who just say "oh, my boyfriend would probably think it's hot". What if he doesn't? Why just assume he's going to take you cheating on him in stride because hurhur, it's with another woman therefore it's hot, not cheating? I know that just seems to be the way it is, but it's irritating. Maybe I just need to get out of college and away from these people, I don't know. Cheating is just as sleazy, no matter who you're cheating with! Bah. __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians)

26th Jun 2009, 01:08 PM	#12
Eleanor Rigby Filip's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out as straight ally Location: France Age: 32 Posts: 5,400 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... It probably depends on if the girl previously had an agreement with her boyfriend about seing other people or seing other girls while they are currently in a relationship. But if it's something that she hides to her boyfriend and that he doesn't agree with, yes it's cheating. __________________ "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means." Immanuel Kant

26th Jun 2009, 02:06 PM	#13
thebikelady EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: 9? Age: 28 Posts: 485 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: is it considered cheating..... A good rule of thumb is that if you question whether or not it is cheating, it probably is.

26th Jun 2009, 03:54 PM	#15
silas99 Nic Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girl fancier Out Status: Not so much having tea with Aslan anymore! Location: In my own world....Wales! Age: 26 Posts: 521 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: is it considered cheating..... I think the sort of people who dont think its cheating don't believe bisexuality exists. In their mind its ok for a girl with a boyfriend to kiss a girl because she doesnt really fancy her and its just a bit of a laugh. I have a few friends like that and it annoys me so much! One of my best friends is a bisexual and she slept with a girl when she had a boyfriend. She was drunk and felt very guilty about it so decided to just tell him the truth. He didnt care and in fact told her it was a turn on. Needless to say she dumbed him for not acknowledging her sexuality! __________________ "When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty."

26th Jun 2009, 03:59 PM	#16
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... its cheating your betraying the partners love thats not cool __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

26th Jun 2009, 05:20 PM	#17
Tiny Catastrophe Love is genderless <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: 2 sisters, mom, friends, school Location: New Yorkish Age: 19 Posts: 863 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... i win! my friends says its not cheating __________________ Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there. Because you cant remember a time in your life when it wasnt but then one day you feel something else. Something that feels wrong, only because its so unfamiliar. Then in that moment you realize you're happy.

26th Jun 2009, 06:16 PM	#18
Selqet Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Most good friends Posts: 14 Join Date: May 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... It depends on the relationship, and how "cheating" is defined. Cheating is, at its core, basically a betrayal of trust, and of boundaries. So, if you're a girl, in a relationship with a guy who is OK with you kissing or otherwise hooking up with another girl (or guy), then it would not be cheating. If you do not KNOW if he'd be OK with it....ask. Otherwise I'd say it then starts getting into the "cheating" territory, since you've decided to pursue a path without regard to your partner's feelings on the matter--though its possible he'd be fine w/ it and you're in the clear, its still a "playing with fire" situation. That being said--I know lots of completely monogamous couples and several polyamorous couples, and in several of the (guy/girl) monogamous couples, the guys are OK with the girls fooling around with other girls (though some are only OK w/ kissing, others with...more). So, statistically speaking, you're probably right.

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26th Jun 2009, 06:21 PM	#19
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: is it considered cheating..... Your friends believe it isn't, a lot of us believe it is. I guess it's hard to define right and wrong, but if someone's planning on doing something like this, make sure your partner's on the same page - even if you don't think you're cheating, if your partner does, it's going to get pretty nasty pretty fast. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

26th Jun 2009, 06:35 PM	#20
twixy30 finding myself Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: ok i think i got this now i REALLY like GIRLS yeah Out Status: more people then i thought i would tell & EC Location: Dallas, texas Age: 34 Posts: 316 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: is it considered cheating..... we all say we want to be treated just like everone else then this has to be the same way cheating is cheating no if and but about it if you are in a relationship then treat it like such if you dated a man then it would be cheating sorry if thats rude but you asked __________________ we are special in our own way! never let anyone tell you your notTwix