What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Shyvin · 3rd Jul 2009, 11:02 PM

Serious question.

Does anyone here ever feel completely satisfied being single? I think at times I strongly feel this way. As I've only ever been with one person and no one else. And that only lasted for eight months. Sure, there are times when I look around me and I feel like there is something I am missing that everyone else around me has. I feel bad about it. It makes me depressed sometimes. But at the same time I can look at it in another light and see the many positives. And there are MANY positives. I'm not roped into so many things by being single. And more importantly I'm not a sexual being. I haven't had sexual relations since that one person. I rarely think about sex. I made this clear because when most people say they are having a great time being single they are alluding you to the fact that they are having lots of one-night stands.

Either way...I don't know what to label myself. I think I've mentioned that maybe I'm Asexual.

Anyone else feel this way?

KatoKumi · 3rd Jul 2009, 11:08 PM

Erm: I don't feel asexual, but I get the feeling sometimes. I can relate to being completely satisfied being single. It's because I'm an awful person and compare to my friend who got into three relationships 6/19, 6/21, and 6/24. And the last one ended a few days ago.

Anyhoo, you shouldn't feel like you need to be in a relationship. Especially if you don't think of sex [which is why I get into relationships]. As long as you don't shut yourself off from the world, keep yourself in friendships and other platonic relationships, then you're completely healthy.

More power to you, Mister.

joeyconnick · 4th Jul 2009, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatoKumi

Erm: I don't feel asexual, but I get the feeling sometimes. I can relate to being completely satisfied being single. It's because I'm an awful person and compare to my friend who got into three relationships 6/19, 6/21, and 6/24. And the last one ended a few days ago.

Yeah calling those "relationships" is, uh, inaccurate to say the least. Even the last one.

**Chip** · 4th Jul 2009, 12:39 AM

It is quite possible to live a very happy, rich, and fulfilling life being single.

I think one of the big mistakes many people make is assuming that one needs to have a relationship in order to be happy or fulfilled. Happiness really has to come from inside yourself, and once you find that happiness, you will have a tendency to attract other people to you who are more likely to be happy and emotionally healthy, so sometimes, the very process of learning to be ok being single is what can lead to finding a partner.

There are also plenty of people out there (even younger gay people!) who aren't very sexual. I have several friends who would fit into that category. They aren't asexual, it just isn't something that's a high priority for them.

Now... if you find yourself depressed at times, then I would wonder if you really *are* truly happy being single and are instead trying to rationalize and justify where you are in your life. That's a question only you can answer, but I bet if you think about it and look inside yourself, you'll have a clearer answer. And perhaps thinking about what happens when you do have sexual thoughts or fantasies, where it leads you and how you feel, could give you more insights as well.

But assuming that you are content most of the time, perhaps the label for yourself is simply "happily single"

Bryan44 · 4th Jul 2009, 02:40 AM

I am satisfied with being single, but Im not closing the door to a relationship. If I meet someone then thats cool, but I dont feel the need to be with someone to make me happy. I honestly believe that I am happy being single, mostly because I just cant see myself being in a relationship though, most of them just dont work out for me and I always want out of them.

Just Adam · 4th Jul 2009, 03:33 AM

im completelly dissatisfied beeing single

i know i can survive on my own but its very lonley

Kenko · 4th Jul 2009, 06:44 AM

I wouldn't say "completely satisfied being single", but I feel that way sometimes. I mean I enjoy having close friends and such, but I like ultimately being independent.

It also isn't priority #1 for me right now because I'm unemployed, and I find it hard to get in the mood for a relationship when there's this big cloud of unemployment looming over me.

I'm not that overly a sexual person, and both of the times I dated, the person I was going out with seemed to be an awful lot more in a rush to get to sex that I was. When they say "Wanna cuddle?" I just imagine having our arms around each other while watching a movie. They seemed to have less PG rated things in mind. I also find it annoying going out to the bar, and other people seem so keen on picking up / going home with someone.

I don't wonder if I'm not Asexual:homoromantic sometimes.

I also find some of my friends seem to be really fixated on sex a lot. Like "Oh I really like $boyfriend$ a lot, and we get along really well, the only problem is we're both bottoms"

Like, did I really need to know that?

Tim · 4th Jul 2009, 07:52 AM

You're not alone. I used to hate being single, just because everyone always said I needed to date, then I realized, I really am fine like this.

Like you, I rarely think about sex, which some of my friends call me weird because of. And pretty much the rest of your post = describes me.

However, I don't identify as asexual, because although I do not have any desire for sexual relations, I would not NOT go into one if I did like the person, and I hope to god I explained that enough XD

hunkypit · 4th Jul 2009, 09:04 AM

Yeah, i agree with you. I am 33 and have been through many relationsip over the past 5 years. and now i prefer to be single, and im happy

4th Jul 2009, 12:13 PM

Maybe it's just my age, but I agree on the feeling asexual and being pretty independent/happy being single. Sometimes I think it's just because I've never seen a happy relationship that's lasted very long, but I believe I'll always be happier when I'm single. It just seems like more freedom, less obligations, and less pain in the long run.

Garrett · 4th Jul 2009, 01:10 PM

When I was younger I didn't think I would ever want a relationship, but now I'm 16 and I want it sooo bad, lol.

littledinosaurs · 4th Jul 2009, 09:15 PM

Well i guess if i think of it, but opposite.
I've tried saying to myself "be happy while single and don't seek out relationships"
but i'm always hit with the gnawing feeling of being alone and wishing i could join in with what others had.
So being single wouldn't work out for me in teh long run.
So the same should be true if i feel the reverse.
So be Single if you think it feels best, whatever makes you happiest!

hiker360 · 5th Jul 2009, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Adam

im completelly dissatisfied beeing single

i know i can survive on my own but its very lonley

yeah agree totally

life suck when you have to be alone

shnirly · 5th Jul 2009, 11:13 AM

Yes I can understand that viewpoint. There are times when I imagine myself in the future as a hermit living peacefully by myself and I actually don't get sad or anything- it just seems like I could deal with it and that you don't need a relationship to be happy. However, I usually feel that the only way my life could be perfect would be if I could find myself someone to love.

ok455 · 7th Jul 2009, 09:27 AM

i would love to get in a relationship i always been single i had a few people i messed around with but nothing major. It does scare me that i could be single for the rest of my life thats one of the reasons why i want to move to a gay populated city so it can better my chances of being in a relationship. It does get lonely being single when everyone else is in a relationship. And it does sometimes get boring masturbating. I always say that if I'm still single by the age of 25 i am going to force my self to marry a woman

But i hate when people based their happiness on relationships i know people like that when they break up with someone they act like its the end of the world

hackingnomberr · 7th Jul 2009, 03:49 PM

Totally disagree, I think it's sick to have a go to person that you can talk about almost anything with and do anything with.

MusicIsLife · 8th Jul 2009, 03:48 PM

I never really think about getting married or living my life with another person, I always thing about living my life alone, and it doesn't really bother me.

8th Jul 2009, 03:55 PM

Each to there own, I think there are many people who are completely fulfilled living a life of solitude. but for others finding a relationship is paramount!

I think it is about finding where about you fit in, it sounds as though you want a relationship and are a bit scared. Did your previous relationship end badly? Sex is not the be all and end all, although it brings some people closer together, there are many couples for who it just isnt an issue. You just need to find someone who feels the same way you do, and with 6 billion people on this planet I most definately think that it is possible.

**Lexington** · 8th Jul 2009, 04:33 PM

There's nothing wrong with enjoying being single. If that's you, killer - enjoy it.

My only concern is that you think it's a lifelong thing. Because people DO change as the years go by. Yes, even after 20-some years. Just say "I'm content being single for now", and if things change - you get hornier, you find yourself wanting to be in a relationship, whatever - you won't have burned any bridges.

Lex

3rd Jul 2009, 11:08 PM	#2
KatoKumi [Un]friendly Fanboy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Let's Go. Out Status: Everyone Location: SoCal. Age: 19 Posts: 1,070 Join Date: Jun 2007	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Erm: I don't feel asexual, but I get the feeling sometimes. I can relate to being completely satisfied being single. It's because I'm an awful person and compare to my friend who got into three relationships 6/19, 6/21, and 6/24. And the last one ended a few days ago. Anyhoo, you shouldn't feel like you need to be in a relationship. Especially if you don't think of sex [which is why I get into relationships]. As long as you don't shut yourself off from the world, keep yourself in friendships and other platonic relationships, then you're completely healthy. More power to you, Mister. __________________ I'm gonna paksiw in the face.

4th Jul 2009, 12:39 AM	#4
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,576 Join Date: May 2008	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship It is quite possible to live a very happy, rich, and fulfilling life being single. I think one of the big mistakes many people make is assuming that one needs to have a relationship in order to be happy or fulfilled. Happiness really has to come from inside yourself, and once you find that happiness, you will have a tendency to attract other people to you who are more likely to be happy and emotionally healthy, so sometimes, the very process of learning to be ok being single is what can lead to finding a partner. There are also plenty of people out there (even younger gay people!) who aren't very sexual. I have several friends who would fit into that category. They aren't asexual, it just isn't something that's a high priority for them. Now... if you find yourself depressed at times, then I would wonder if you really are truly happy being single and are instead trying to rationalize and justify where you are in your life. That's a question only you can answer, but I bet if you think about it and look inside yourself, you'll have a clearer answer. And perhaps thinking about what happens when you do have sexual thoughts or fantasies, where it leads you and how you feel, could give you more insights as well. But assuming that you are content most of the time, perhaps the label for yourself is simply "happily single"

4th Jul 2009, 02:40 AM	#5
Bryan44 Dork Full Member Gender: Male Location: Georgia (the state) Posts: 2,065 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship I am satisfied with being single, but Im not closing the door to a relationship. If I meet someone then thats cool, but I dont feel the need to be with someone to make me happy. I honestly believe that I am happy being single, mostly because I just cant see myself being in a relationship though, most of them just dont work out for me and I always want out of them.

4th Jul 2009, 03:33 AM	#6
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship im completelly dissatisfied beeing single i know i can survive on my own but its very lonley __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

4th Jul 2009, 06:44 AM	#7
Kenko EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few friends + parents Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 1,407 Join Date: Jan 2007	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship I wouldn't say "completely satisfied being single", but I feel that way sometimes. I mean I enjoy having close friends and such, but I like ultimately being independent. It also isn't priority #1 for me right now because I'm unemployed, and I find it hard to get in the mood for a relationship when there's this big cloud of unemployment looming over me. I'm not that overly a sexual person, and both of the times I dated, the person I was going out with seemed to be an awful lot more in a rush to get to sex that I was. When they say "Wanna cuddle?" I just imagine having our arms around each other while watching a movie. They seemed to have less PG rated things in mind. I also find it annoying going out to the bar, and other people seem so keen on picking up / going home with someone. I don't wonder if I'm not Asexual:homoromantic sometimes. I also find some of my friends seem to be really fixated on sex a lot. Like "Oh I really like $boyfriend$ a lot, and we get along really well, the only problem is we're both bottoms" Like, did I really need to know that?

3rd Jul 2009, 11:02 PM	#1
Shyvin Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 27 Posts: 196 Join Date: Dec 2008	What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Serious question. Does anyone here ever feel completely satisfied being single? I think at times I strongly feel this way. As I've only ever been with one person and no one else. And that only lasted for eight months. Sure, there are times when I look around me and I feel like there is something I am missing that everyone else around me has. I feel bad about it. It makes me depressed sometimes. But at the same time I can look at it in another light and see the many positives. And there are MANY positives. I'm not roped into so many things by being single. And more importantly I'm not a sexual being. I haven't had sexual relations since that one person. I rarely think about sex. I made this clear because when most people say they are having a great time being single they are alluding you to the fact that they are having lots of one-night stands. Either way...I don't know what to label myself. I think I've mentioned that maybe I'm Asexual. Anyone else feel this way?

4th Jul 2009, 07:52 AM	#8
Tim Psycho Glitter Btch Full Member Gender:* Guy, Unless Life Was a Horrible April Fools Joke. Orientation: Gay/Asexual/Confusing to Explain Out Status: Armed and Fabulous! XD Location: California Age: 23 Posts: 7,381 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship You're not alone. I used to hate being single, just because everyone always said I needed to date, then I realized, I really am fine like this. Like you, I rarely think about sex, which some of my friends call me weird because of. And pretty much the rest of your post = describes me. However, I don't identify as asexual, because although I do not have any desire for sexual relations, I would not NOT go into one if I did like the person, and I hope to god I explained that enough XD __________________ Rawr! :3 ~The Stalker User Known As Tim~ Rawr! :3 EC's Sailor Star Healer, Oxymoron and All. Star Sensitive Inferno! Sailor Starlight, Stage On! [Vic] 7:49 pm: I keep my pants off in public.

4th Jul 2009, 09:04 AM	#9
hunkypit searcher Regular Member Gender: NA Orientation: Na Out Status: na Location: Trenton NJ Posts: 1 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Yeah, i agree with you. I am 33 and have been through many relationsip over the past 5 years. and now i prefer to be single, and im happy

4th Jul 2009, 12:13 PM	#10
AtomicCafe Guest Posts: n/a	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Maybe it's just my age, but I agree on the feeling asexual and being pretty independent/happy being single. Sometimes I think it's just because I've never seen a happy relationship that's lasted very long, but I believe I'll always be happier when I'm single. It just seems like more freedom, less obligations, and less pain in the long run.

4th Jul 2009, 01:10 PM	#11
Garrett Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Mom and a few friends Location: Nashville, TN Age: 19 Posts: 44 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship When I was younger I didn't think I would ever want a relationship, but now I'm 16 and I want it sooo bad, lol.

4th Jul 2009, 09:15 PM	#12
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Well i guess if i think of it, but opposite. I've tried saying to myself "be happy while single and don't seek out relationships" but i'm always hit with the gnawing feeling of being alone and wishing i could join in with what others had. So being single wouldn't work out for me in teh long run. So the same should be true if i feel the reverse. So be Single if you think it feels best, whatever makes you happiest! __________________ Âllo Là

5th Jul 2009, 11:13 AM	#14
shnirly Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 5! Location: Canada Age: 19 Posts: 115 Join Date: May 2009	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Yes I can understand that viewpoint. There are times when I imagine myself in the future as a hermit living peacefully by myself and I actually don't get sad or anything- it just seems like I could deal with it and that you don't need a relationship to be happy. However, I usually feel that the only way my life could be perfect would be if I could find myself someone to love.

7th Jul 2009, 09:27 AM	#15
ok455 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Can't tell L!O!L Age: 24 Posts: 437 Join Date: May 2005	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship i would love to get in a relationship i always been single i had a few people i messed around with but nothing major. It does scare me that i could be single for the rest of my life thats one of the reasons why i want to move to a gay populated city so it can better my chances of being in a relationship. It does get lonely being single when everyone else is in a relationship. And it does sometimes get boring masturbating. I always say that if I'm still single by the age of 25 i am going to force my self to marry a woman But i hate when people based their happiness on relationships i know people like that when they break up with someone they act like its the end of the world __________________ http://209.50.252.116/smile.gif Last edited by ok455; 7th Jul 2009 at 09:34 AM..

7th Jul 2009, 03:49 PM	#16
hackingnomberr Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Not out at all Location: San Diego, CA Age: 21 Posts: 19 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Totally disagree, I think it's sick to have a go to person that you can talk about almost anything with and do anything with.

8th Jul 2009, 03:48 PM	#17
MusicIsLife EC Addict Full Member Gender: Not even sure anymore. Something in between. Orientation: I like girls :) Out Status: Everyone on orientation 7 people on trans issue. Location: Montréal, QC Age: 23 Posts: 1,595 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship I never really think about getting married or living my life with another person, I always thing about living my life alone, and it doesn't really bother me.

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8th Jul 2009, 03:55 PM	#18
j1013 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship Each to there own, I think there are many people who are completely fulfilled living a life of solitude. but for others finding a relationship is paramount! I think it is about finding where about you fit in, it sounds as though you want a relationship and are a bit scared. Did your previous relationship end badly? Sex is not the be all and end all, although it brings some people closer together, there are many couples for who it just isnt an issue. You just need to find someone who feels the same way you do, and with 6 billion people on this planet I most definately think that it is possible.

8th Jul 2009, 04:33 PM	#19
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: What If You Don't Ever Want A Relationship There's nothing wrong with enjoying being single. If that's you, killer - enjoy it. My only concern is that you think it's a lifelong thing. Because people DO change as the years go by. Yes, even after 20-some years. Just say "I'm content being single for now", and if things change - you get hornier, you find yourself wanting to be in a relationship, whatever - you won't have burned any bridges. Lex