Love or Sex? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

carrie90 · 16th Jul 2009, 12:09 PM

Me and my friends where just randomly talking and a girl i know dumped her boyfriend because he was bad in bed and my friend asked would you dump someone because there bad in bed?

At first i said no straight away and said it's all about the person and if i love them it doesn't matter, but later on i started questioning myself and wondering if i could be in a sexless relationship

I still havn't come to a conclusion and was just interested in your thoughts and opinions on this question (sorry if this has already been discussed)

erod123 · 16th Jul 2009, 12:16 PM

no because the fun part is practicing to get better

djt820 · 16th Jul 2009, 01:07 PM

I still contemplate if a sexless relationship is possible. I think it could be possible but sex is one thing that makes a romantic relationship, isnt it? Anyways, Love is foremost important. I dont care whatsoever how they are in bed.

littledinosaurs · 16th Jul 2009, 01:14 PM

Bedroom problems will usually lead to other problems and the relationship will end. (My opinion)

Lots of people want to be able to say that they could do a sexless relationship, but i think it'd put too much strain on a blossoming relationship.

Now if you've been with someone for years and then something happened where they couldn't have sex anymore we have a completely different situation.

malachite · 16th Jul 2009, 01:17 PM

Sex is something you need to work at. Not everyone likes the same stuff. Talk, show, tell, teach.

carrie90 · 16th Jul 2009, 01:32 PM

This isn't a problem im facing by the way lol just a random question, thought i would mention that

GhostDog · 16th Jul 2009, 01:48 PM

I looked at the title and said, "Yes please." Evidently I never stopped being 13. =D

And... Well, I don't think I could be with someone who didn't want sex. And... No, I probably wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who, for some reason, couldn't have any kind of sex. I've never tried it, mind, and people are pretty creative at getting each other off, so it may well be that if I met someone with a disability that made sex difficult we could make it work. Buuuut this is theoretical on my part. I do think that people with any kind of libido at all need a healthy sexual element in a relationship to be satisfied. I know people who have no interest in sex, and that's their own business, but I wouldn't date any of 'em. But I might just be a horndog. =P

But if someone wants it and is just bad at it, I imagine you could learn and get better. I don't think "bad in bed" necessarily means "sexless relationship", it just means "there's room for improvement and I should probably talk to my partner about this." If you think someone's bad in bed and they're not satisfying you, you could, say, tell them what you like. You can't expect people to magically figure out the things that make you happy in bed. (... If we're talking about premature whatevers, though, I'm clueless, haha.)

Now, if they refused to do anything differently despite me saying that I wasn't satisfied with how things went in the bedroom, that might be cause for dumping. =P

17th Jul 2009, 05:52 PM

Sex is sex plain and simple but there is no sex like the type of sex you can have with the one you love. If a relationship ends because of sex and nothing else then that probably means the relationship was based on sex and nothing else. I mean I want a man so I can date him, not just his penis. Isnt that what a relationship is for? dating a person and not their junk? I mean the junk can love you back but its got limits. Pretty soon the owner's going to want to talk with you and break you and the junk up...so you'll just play around with the owner to see the junk as much as possible, making the owner feel used. Did any of that make sense?

Swamp56 · 17th Jul 2009, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhostDog

I looked at the title and said, "Yes please." Evidently I never stopped being 13. =D

I did the same thing.

Oh, and I second what Jarrett said.

Markio · 17th Jul 2009, 06:41 PM

It probably depends on how big of a role sex plays in the relationship. If a couple has a healthy, well-rounded relationship, except the sex sucks, then the couple should at least work at it before they just break up. It could be a shared experience! Maybe try a book of positions (which I need to find, because how the hell to gay guys have sex?), or just experiment with sex toys or lubricants. If you don't improve, then improv: try dry humping or massaging!

Of course, if improving the sex becomes the focus of the relationship, then it might not be as fun. But just declaring a person unfit for sex and dumping them, that's pretty hasty.

...SEX!

Étoile · 17th Jul 2009, 07:56 PM

There's always improvement when it comes to the bedroom. You don't have to give up sex if it's bad. Tell your babycakes what you do and don't like, introduce some different things to try.

The sex can't be THAT horrible for you to drop them at a dime, that's shallow. If so, the relationship wouldn't have lasted long even if the sex was good.

littledinosaurs · 17th Jul 2009, 08:08 PM

After rethinking this i must say
i don't think i'd ever reach the level of loving someone if they weren't giving me sex or were so terrible and unable to learn.

Étoile · 17th Jul 2009, 08:44 PM

I don't think I could be in a celibate relationship either. I'd feel like something was missing, even though I'm a virgin.

George · 17th Jul 2009, 09:13 PM

No sex, no cigar in my opinion.

Stuie · 18th Jul 2009, 06:40 AM

At my age, I could deal with a sexless relationship really. Later on, sex would probably be more important, but now, what I really want in a relationship is more just hugs and kisses rather than sex. Sex is like alloy wheels on a car for me, it'd be nice to have, but there's no really need for it for me.

(Wow, that was a crappy metaphor!

)

Michael1992 · 18th Jul 2009, 01:49 PM

Personally I've only had loveless relationships... but never sexless
And they wern't too bad
:P

jazzyspazzy · 19th Jul 2009, 03:15 AM

i read an article about a couple who have been married for 60 years...

... wait for it...

AND HAVE NEVER HAD SEX!!!

personally though, it would be great to find someone who you love and is good in bed... but i wouldn't dump someone just because they werent mind-bogglingly awesome - i'd try and teach them what i liked to try and make them better. there is a thing called communication and it's highly underrated.

JakeBHT · 19th Jul 2009, 06:17 AM

Love, I think now I have pritty much done both I could do fine without sex but Love I must have without it I am as I speak now.

Just Adam · 19th Jul 2009, 06:18 AM

if i had to choose it would be love... but practice makes perfect with sex

Lychee · 19th Jul 2009, 06:30 AM

I agree with Stuart. I've never had sex. I don't know what I'm missing out on. Sure, I'd probably be curious, but if it's a choice between love and sex I would always choose love.

16th Jul 2009, 12:09 PM	#1
carrie90 The square root of 4 is rainbows Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: everybody really Location: Originally Montana but currently San Fransisco Age: 21 Posts: 1,327 Join Date: Feb 2009	Love or Sex? Me and my friends where just randomly talking and a girl i know dumped her boyfriend because he was bad in bed and my friend asked would you dump someone because there bad in bed? At first i said no straight away and said it's all about the person and if i love them it doesn't matter, but later on i started questioning myself and wondering if i could be in a sexless relationship I still havn't come to a conclusion and was just interested in your thoughts and opinions on this question (sorry if this has already been discussed) __________________ I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an enviorment of irrational, random terror -Sue Sylvester

16th Jul 2009, 12:16 PM	#2
erod123 Hey Full Member Gender: imma dude Orientation: Flamboyant (yeahh he's gay ) Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Temple, TX Age: 17 Posts: 192 Join Date: May 2009	Re: Love or Sex? no because the fun part is practicing to get better __________________ Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, is it all a lie?......

16th Jul 2009, 01:07 PM	#3
djt820 Brutally Honest Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: DICKS EVERYWHERE Out Status: Like A Cock Slapping Your Face Kind-of Out. Location: SoCal Age: 19 Posts: 1,282 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Love or Sex? I still contemplate if a sexless relationship is possible. I think it could be possible but sex is one thing that makes a romantic relationship, isnt it? Anyways, Love is foremost important. I dont care whatsoever how they are in bed. __________________ Last edited by djt820; 16th Jul 2009 at 01:12 PM..

16th Jul 2009, 01:14 PM	#4
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Love or Sex? Bedroom problems will usually lead to other problems and the relationship will end. (My opinion) Lots of people want to be able to say that they could do a sexless relationship, but i think it'd put too much strain on a blossoming relationship. Now if you've been with someone for years and then something happened where they couldn't have sex anymore we have a completely different situation. __________________ Âllo Là

16th Jul 2009, 01:17 PM	#5
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Love or Sex? Sex is something you need to work at. Not everyone likes the same stuff. Talk, show, tell, teach. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

16th Jul 2009, 01:32 PM	#6
carrie90 The square root of 4 is rainbows Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: everybody really Location: Originally Montana but currently San Fransisco Age: 21 Posts: 1,327 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Love or Sex? This isn't a problem im facing by the way lol just a random question, thought i would mention that __________________ I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an enviorment of irrational, random terror -Sue Sylvester

16th Jul 2009, 01:48 PM	#7
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Love or Sex? I looked at the title and said, "Yes please." Evidently I never stopped being 13. =D And... Well, I don't think I could be with someone who didn't want sex. And... No, I probably wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who, for some reason, couldn't have any kind of sex. I've never tried it, mind, and people are pretty creative at getting each other off, so it may well be that if I met someone with a disability that made sex difficult we could make it work. Buuuut this is theoretical on my part. I do think that people with any kind of libido at all need a healthy sexual element in a relationship to be satisfied. I know people who have no interest in sex, and that's their own business, but I wouldn't date any of 'em. But I might just be a horndog. =P But if someone wants it and is just bad at it, I imagine you could learn and get better. I don't think "bad in bed" necessarily means "sexless relationship", it just means "there's room for improvement and I should probably talk to my partner about this." If you think someone's bad in bed and they're not satisfying you, you could, say, tell them what you like. You can't expect people to magically figure out the things that make you happy in bed. (... If we're talking about premature whatevers, though, I'm clueless, haha.) Now, if they refused to do anything differently despite me saying that I wasn't satisfied with how things went in the bedroom, that might be cause for dumping. =P __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians)

17th Jul 2009, 05:52 PM	#8
Legnaj Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Love or Sex? Sex is sex plain and simple but there is no sex like the type of sex you can have with the one you love. If a relationship ends because of sex and nothing else then that probably means the relationship was based on sex and nothing else. I mean I want a man so I can date him, not just his penis. Isnt that what a relationship is for? dating a person and not their junk? I mean the junk can love you back but its got limits. Pretty soon the owner's going to want to talk with you and break you and the junk up...so you'll just play around with the owner to see the junk as much as possible, making the owner feel used. Did any of that make sense?

17th Jul 2009, 06:41 PM	#10
Markio EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Family, friends, and staff! Location: California Age: 21 Posts: 1,139 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Love or Sex? It probably depends on how big of a role sex plays in the relationship. If a couple has a healthy, well-rounded relationship, except the sex sucks, then the couple should at least work at it before they just break up. It could be a shared experience! Maybe try a book of positions (which I need to find, because how the hell to gay guys have sex?), or just experiment with sex toys or lubricants. If you don't improve, then improv: try dry humping or massaging! Of course, if improving the sex becomes the focus of the relationship, then it might not be as fun. But just declaring a person unfit for sex and dumping them, that's pretty hasty. ...SEX! __________________ Celebrate diversity!

17th Jul 2009, 07:56 PM	#11
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Love or Sex? There's always improvement when it comes to the bedroom. You don't have to give up sex if it's bad. Tell your babycakes what you do and don't like, introduce some different things to try. The sex can't be THAT horrible for you to drop them at a dime, that's shallow. If so, the relationship wouldn't have lasted long even if the sex was good. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

17th Jul 2009, 08:08 PM	#12
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Love or Sex? After rethinking this i must say i don't think i'd ever reach the level of loving someone if they weren't giving me sex or were so terrible and unable to learn. __________________ Âllo Là

17th Jul 2009, 08:44 PM	#13
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Love or Sex? I don't think I could be in a celibate relationship either. I'd feel like something was missing, even though I'm a virgin. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

17th Jul 2009, 09:13 PM	#14
George Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,387 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Love or Sex? No sex, no cigar in my opinion.

18th Jul 2009, 06:40 AM	#15
Stuie Hugs - $POA Full Member Gender: e^(πi) +1 = 0 Orientation: Schnoo Out Status: Moo Cow Location: Canberra, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 1,463 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Love or Sex? At my age, I could deal with a sexless relationship really. Later on, sex would probably be more important, but now, what I really want in a relationship is more just hugs and kisses rather than sex. Sex is like alloy wheels on a car for me, it'd be nice to have, but there's no really need for it for me. (Wow, that was a crappy metaphor! ) __________________ STRAAAAAAAAAAAWURUWERT AND THE LESBIANS! MADDATRON3000X's (Maddy) Fag Hag Loves Pauline in the form of the equation f(x): (-∞,2) -> R, 2^-x

18th Jul 2009, 01:49 PM	#16
Michael1992 Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Friends only Location: UK Age: 19 Posts: 58 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Love or Sex? Personally I've only had loveless relationships... but never sexless And they wern't too bad :P __________________ [Maxxie's wearing devil horns] Cassie: Wow, Maxxie, you look all horny. Maxxie: You can tell?

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19th Jul 2009, 03:15 AM	#17
jazzyspazzy Esto quad es - be yourself!!! Full Member Gender: Tomboy Orientation: Guys, girls who look like guys, genderqueer people Out Status: Anyone who looks at my facebook profile Location: Somerset Age: 17 Posts: 295 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Love or Sex? i read an article about a couple who have been married for 60 years... ... wait for it... AND HAVE NEVER HAD SEX!!! personally though, it would be great to find someone who you love and is good in bed... but i wouldn't dump someone just because they werent mind-bogglingly awesome - i'd try and teach them what i liked to try and make them better. there is a thing called communication and it's highly underrated. __________________ Be the change you wish to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi

19th Jul 2009, 06:17 AM	#18
JakeBHT Call me Eloisa, El for short! Full Member Gender: Ill met by moonlight proud titania. Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: fucking nania Location: cambridge, England Age: 18 Posts: 398 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Love or Sex? Love, I think now I have pritty much done both I could do fine without sex but Love I must have without it I am as I speak now. __________________ My friend is in the closet so deep he is having adventures in fcking Nania!

19th Jul 2009, 06:18 AM	#19
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Love or Sex? if i had to choose it would be love... but practice makes perfect with sex __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

19th Jul 2009, 06:30 AM	#20
Lychee EC Addict Full Member Gender: Spazmatazz Orientation: Friendspage Location: Contrabassoon Posts: 1,739 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Love or Sex? I agree with Stuart. I've never had sex. I don't know what I'm missing out on. Sure, I'd probably be curious, but if it's a choice between love and sex I would always choose love. __________________ We we we so excited.