who pays? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

19th Jul 2009, 04:50 PM

its kinda occurred to me before that i dont know how to decide who pays for dates in gay relationships... i mean in straight ones, its generally customary that the guy pays right, but how does it work when its two guys or two girls? is there a rule or a general understanding that i just havent heard of yet?

19th Jul 2009, 04:55 PM

Well...

If I go up to a guy and say "I want to take you out, my treat" I am paying. If I ask "want to go out to dinner?" It would be nice to go dutch and split it. This doesn't have to just be for gay couples, but straight ones too.

Swamp56 · 19th Jul 2009, 05:19 PM

I typically pay - even if they want to lol.

Étoile · 19th Jul 2009, 05:22 PM

I always thought that they'd split it evenly if the askee says something like, "Wanna see a movie?" If the asker tells the asked like, "Hey, let me take you on a lunch date." It signals to me that he'd be paying for the bill since he asked for the date and I assume if you ask to do something with someone that requires money that you have it. It'd be awkward if a guy asked me out on a date and expected me to pay the whole thing without knowing if I had any in the first place.

507bro · 19th Jul 2009, 05:25 PM

since i'm like always nice i always pay

jonny · 19th Jul 2009, 05:33 PM

I depends who invites who. But if that's not clear just offer to pay. If he wants to then split the bill. It weird now that I think about it.

Jekko · 19th Jul 2009, 05:36 PM

this is a good one

It all depends on who the date is. For example, i would date someone and in the end i would say cheerfully, "hey, let's split the bill." I usually am the one to break the akwardness anywhere, so again it depends on the individual.

carrie90 · 19th Jul 2009, 06:13 PM

I split the bill cause well i'm cheap

George · 19th Jul 2009, 09:35 PM

Well generally the person who asks I reckon should pay, but if it's just a random thing it should be split.

Tim · 20th Jul 2009, 02:21 AM

This would be why I don't date.

I have no income, and refuse to let someone pay for me XD

But on the actual question, George's views are the same as mine.

hiddendc4 · 20th Jul 2009, 02:28 AM

I kinda agree with the two post above me. I feel that if someone asks me out then then they should pay, although i would probably try to pay since I am like that lol. Now if I ask somebody out then I am willing to pay 100%. If they wanted to split it I would probably decline first and if they offered again then I might cave depending on how hot they are lol.

joeyconnick · 20th Jul 2009, 11:05 AM

I would ALWAYS assume things are split unless the other person specifically says "let me take you out for food/let me take you out for a movie." I think it's ridiculous to default to expecting someone to pay for me just because they were the one who suggested going out. If someone expected me to pay because I said, "Hey, let's get dinner," that would be the last time we ever went out.

malachite · 20th Jul 2009, 11:08 AM

I had this same question a few months ago.
Usually whoever asks pays. Now I could just get someone to say, "yes."

mattypants · 20th Jul 2009, 11:13 AM

i think going splitsies is better.
but like joeyconnick mentions, if they wanna pay, i wont stop them

Just Adam · 20th Jul 2009, 11:19 AM

i say either inviter pays or you split the cost...or you pay for his he pays for yours

JakeBHT · 20th Jul 2009, 11:38 AM

Who ever offers first! Which is usually me!

Greggers · 20th Jul 2009, 12:51 PM

Obviously the gay guy who is the man in the relationship pays and the gay guy who is the woman in the relationship doesn't.

Sheesh guys, what rock have you been under?

(I think it depends. If one guy is obviously much richer, i think he might decide to pay just cause he feels obligated. Splitting the bill seems like a safe bet though.)

**Lexington** · 20th Jul 2009, 01:04 PM

If one guy definitely, completely, obviously asked the other out, he should assume he's picking up the tab. If there was a "wanna do something this weekend?" thing, where they discussed various options, I'd say they split the check. If one guy greatly outearns the other, and they end up at a very pricey place, it'd be best if the richer guy offered to pay.

Lex

xequar · 20th Jul 2009, 01:40 PM

In all of my experiences dating, it's simply been a question of who grabs the check off the table and/or has money in hand first. Sure it's not that romantic sounding, but it does become a fun little game to see if you can grab the check first.

littledinosaurs · 20th Jul 2009, 06:24 PM

my sugar daddy pays ;]

19th Jul 2009, 04:50 PM	#1
paco Guest Posts: n/a	who pays? its kinda occurred to me before that i dont know how to decide who pays for dates in gay relationships... i mean in straight ones, its generally customary that the guy pays right, but how does it work when its two guys or two girls? is there a rule or a general understanding that i just havent heard of yet?

19th Jul 2009, 04:55 PM	#2
71390S Guest Posts: n/a	Re: who pays? Well... If I go up to a guy and say "I want to take you out, my treat" I am paying. If I ask "want to go out to dinner?" It would be nice to go dutch and split it. This doesn't have to just be for gay couples, but straight ones too.

19th Jul 2009, 05:19 PM	#3
Swamp56 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Boston, MA Age: 21 Posts: 2,166 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: who pays? I typically pay - even if they want to lol. __________________

19th Jul 2009, 05:22 PM	#4
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: who pays? I always thought that they'd split it evenly if the askee says something like, "Wanna see a movie?" If the asker tells the asked like, "Hey, let me take you on a lunch date." It signals to me that he'd be paying for the bill since he asked for the date and I assume if you ask to do something with someone that requires money that you have it. It'd be awkward if a guy asked me out on a date and expected me to pay the whole thing without knowing if I had any in the first place. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

19th Jul 2009, 05:25 PM	#5
507bro Asian Invasion Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Ghey with a little hint of str8 Out Status: Facebook, Friends Location: Mankato, MN Age: 20 Posts: 337 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: who pays? since i'm like always nice i always pay __________________

19th Jul 2009, 05:33 PM	#6
jonny Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: Orlando Age: 21 Posts: 235 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: who pays? I depends who invites who. But if that's not clear just offer to pay. If he wants to then split the bill. It weird now that I think about it. __________________ I'm proud but I'm not loud.

19th Jul 2009, 05:36 PM	#7
Jekko ★_★ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: very open minded Location: Hollywood CA Age: 21 Posts: 248 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: who pays? this is a good one It all depends on who the date is. For example, i would date someone and in the end i would say cheerfully, "hey, let's split the bill." I usually am the one to break the akwardness anywhere, so again it depends on the individual.

19th Jul 2009, 06:13 PM	#8
carrie90 The square root of 4 is rainbows Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: everybody really Location: Originally Montana but currently San Fransisco Age: 21 Posts: 1,327 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: who pays? I split the bill cause well i'm cheap __________________ I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an enviorment of irrational, random terror -Sue Sylvester

19th Jul 2009, 09:35 PM	#9
George Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,387 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: who pays? Well generally the person who asks I reckon should pay, but if it's just a random thing it should be split.

20th Jul 2009, 02:21 AM	#10
Tim Psycho Glitter Btch Full Member Gender:* Guy, Unless Life Was a Horrible April Fools Joke. Orientation: Gay/Asexual/Confusing to Explain Out Status: Armed and Fabulous! XD Location: California Age: 23 Posts: 7,381 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: who pays? This would be why I don't date. I have no income, and refuse to let someone pay for me XD But on the actual question, George's views are the same as mine. __________________ Rawr! :3 ~The Stalker User Known As Tim~ Rawr! :3 EC's Sailor Star Healer, Oxymoron and All. Star Sensitive Inferno! Sailor Starlight, Stage On! [Vic] 7:49 pm: I keep my pants off in public.

20th Jul 2009, 02:28 AM	#11
hiddendc4 Got Honda??? Full Member Gender: what's this funny looking thing between my legs? Orientation: Does it even really matter anymore? Out Status: Family: 1! Friends: 5(ish) Location: Sunny So. Cal. Posts: 312 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: who pays? I kinda agree with the two post above me. I feel that if someone asks me out then then they should pay, although i would probably try to pay since I am like that lol. Now if I ask somebody out then I am willing to pay 100%. If they wanted to split it I would probably decline first and if they offered again then I might cave depending on how hot they are lol. __________________ Marriage should be for everyone or no one at all. -Me If only closed minds came with closed mouths. -Anonymous

20th Jul 2009, 11:05 AM	#12
joeyconnick sine qua non Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 3,332 Join Date: Apr 2005	Re: who pays? I would ALWAYS assume things are split unless the other person specifically says "let me take you out for food/let me take you out for a movie." I think it's ridiculous to default to expecting someone to pay for me just because they were the one who suggested going out. If someone expected me to pay because I said, "Hey, let's get dinner," that would be the last time we ever went out.

20th Jul 2009, 11:08 AM	#13
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: who pays? I had this same question a few months ago. Usually whoever asks pays. Now I could just get someone to say, "yes." __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

20th Jul 2009, 11:13 AM	#14
mattypants Chacun à son goût Full Member Gender: male/garçon/hombre Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some friends Some family and the lesbians Location: Los angeles, Ca Posts: 2,733 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: who pays? i think going splitsies is better. but like joeyconnick mentions, if they wanna pay, i wont stop them __________________

20th Jul 2009, 11:19 AM	#15
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: who pays? i say either inviter pays or you split the cost...or you pay for his he pays for yours __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

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20th Jul 2009, 11:38 AM	#16
JakeBHT Call me Eloisa, El for short! Full Member Gender: Ill met by moonlight proud titania. Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: fucking nania Location: cambridge, England Age: 18 Posts: 398 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: who pays? Who ever offers first! Which is usually me! __________________ My friend is in the closet so deep he is having adventures in fcking Nania!

20th Jul 2009, 12:51 PM	#17
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: who pays? Obviously the gay guy who is the man in the relationship pays and the gay guy who is the woman in the relationship doesn't. Sheesh guys, what rock have you been under? (I think it depends. If one guy is obviously much richer, i think he might decide to pay just cause he feels obligated. Splitting the bill seems like a safe bet though.) __________________ "It's a male duck."

20th Jul 2009, 01:04 PM	#18
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: who pays? If one guy definitely, completely, obviously asked the other out, he should assume he's picking up the tab. If there was a "wanna do something this weekend?" thing, where they discussed various options, I'd say they split the check. If one guy greatly outearns the other, and they end up at a very pricey place, it'd be best if the richer guy offered to pay. Lex

20th Jul 2009, 01:40 PM	#19
xequar Diapered and collared! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I have "The Gay." :) Out Status: Loud and proud! Location: Detroit area, Michigan Age: 30 Posts: 1,746 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: who pays? In all of my experiences dating, it's simply been a question of who grabs the check off the table and/or has money in hand first. Sure it's not that romantic sounding, but it does become a fun little game to see if you can grab the check first. __________________

20th Jul 2009, 06:24 PM	#20
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: who pays? my sugar daddy pays ;] __________________ Âllo Là