"Obsessed" with being gay?!

[Miles D]

So, today I was showing my mom Dan Savage's podcast, and I played her a segment where this crazy bitch calls up, and Dan tells her she's a crazy bitch.
[She was a crazy heterosexual bitch, mind you.]

And after asking her if she thought he was as hilarious as I think he is, and she said, "You know, [your bff] is right. You are obsessed with gender." and then she went on to explain that she didn't just mean gender, she also meant sexuality. Specifically queer gender & sexuality.

Now, I don't think I'm "obsessed" with queer culture. I just identify as queer, and therefore all of my life experiences are seen through a "queer lens", if you will. And being born into the wrong body and all, I tend to think about my perceived gender and my gender expression a LOT. Also, I am VERY OUT. I wear a sparklie rainbow bracelet (like those Live Strong ones) every day, and I always have cute guys as my desktop background.

Is this just a generational thing? (She's almost 58, with only one or two gay friends.) Anyone else experienced parents telling them they are obsessed with being gay?

[Bookmarked]

Us and them is a complicated thing, because the two sides never quite understand each other.

Frankly put, queer individuals are different. Most of us were raised in a heterosexual, environment, being taught (consciously or otherwise) that the way things work out is one man, one woman. Marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends. Virtually all the culture we're exposed to is oriented to boy meets girl. Never boy meets boy, girl meets girl or even bothering to question what it means to be a boy or a girl. We're told all that; but we're not part of it; we don't "fit" the model; so for some straight people, it's a little odd.

I mean, if you think about it a great deal of LGBT themed conversation isn't particularily well known to people that aren't in the know. Terms like coming out. All the jargon describing sexuality and the nuances of meaning it carries. Ask most queer people about the Kinsey scale, and they'll give you a number where they stand on it (or say something like, "well, I don't really fit on that linear continuum) while most straight people just wouldn't get it at all.

Oops, I think I've rambled a bit, but the basic message; you're not obsessed, you've just experienced a completely different culture, and learned from that while living in the middle of one that's very, very different. So there's bound to be some misunderstanding.

[Greggers]

I often get the "your too into this being gay thing" from friends. The little thing they ignore though is the fact they watch/do more straight themed things and dont think twice about it because its so common. I like men. Its only natural that id rather watch a drama between two men, a comedy between two men, a soap opera between two men, ect. ect. Its not that its "gay", its still just a drama/comedy/soap like any other, it just has gay characters. When people complain about Gay Pride and say there is no Straight equivalent, a common response is this: Every single day is Straight Pride. Thats very true if you think about it.

To me obsession is just another word for passion. I value passion very much. You are obviously very passionate about queer culture as your very involved in it. Thats a good thing. If Harvey Milk didn't have passion Anita Bryant might have won. If the people in the Stonewall Uprising didn't have passion we might still be hiding. Heck, all the people who changed our world as we know it have that one thing in common: Passion. So hang on to that Miles because one day we will be reading about YOU changing our world, i can already see that now.

[stratavos]

I have cute guys that are often naked or in sexy underwear for my desktop background...

so if you're overly gay for just that, then I'd have to be too >.>

Yeah - it's like because I am passionate about GLBT rights that somehow that equals "obsessed." Sexuality isn't like skin color, you can't always see it. So it's like we have to speak up for ourselves and be vocal/educate. Plus, what are we supposed to do, let anti-gay people/organizations just work at taking away equality while we remain silent? Doesn't work for me.

Pluuuuus, just coming out of the closet I feel like I can FINALLY do things I have always wanted to do: Read GLBT books, watch GLBT movies - maybe because all of a sudden I feel like I don't have to hide my gay-ness it's just a lot for others to take in.

Maybe they are uncomfortable with heterosexism being challenged. IDK.

blahblah.

As a white, middle class male, before I knew I was gay, I was always like "why do '_____'(fill in the racial minority) make such a big deal about their race? Why can't they just assimilate into the mainstream?" I never understood why these people felt they had to wedge themselves into self-imposed racial "segregation", if you will. But becoming part of a minority bred the understanding on why being part of a minority is such a big deal. When I became a member of a minority group, I became alienated from mainstream culture to some degree. I got this feeling not so much that I didn't belong, but that this culture wasn't made for me. Whenever (with VERY few exceptions) I listen to music, watch tv, go see a movie, etc., the love story is always between a boy and a girl. I cannot relate to that. It drove a wedge between myself and heterosexual culture. I'm so glad for this, because it truly opened my eyes to the problems minority groups struggle with.

Going back to the original post, I'll bet you good money the caller was white. I can identify with that feeling, like I mentioned before, that minority groups should just assimilate into mainstream culture and stop making such a big fuss about it. The problem is I can't (and I don't want to.) When we see blockbusters portraying gay leading characters and radio time given to gay love songs, you'll see me forget about my sexuality (aka never). How can we possibly "forget" about it when every time we're exposed to the media, we are reminded of it? Every time I see a commercial with a heterosexual couple, it's a reminder that that will never be me. This lady needs to open her eyes. The reason why queer people are so obsessed with our sexuality or gender is because we are alienated constantly by mainstream culture.

[Katherine]

Originally Posted by stymied

As a white, middle class male, before I knew I was gay, I was always like "why do '_____'(fill in the racial minority) make such a big deal about their race? Why can't they just assimilate into the mainstream?" I never understood why these people felt they had to wedge themselves into self-imposed racial "segregation", if you will. But becoming part of a minority bred the understanding on why being part of a minority is such a big deal. When I became a member of a minority group, I became alienated from mainstream culture to some degree. I got this feeling not so much that I didn't belong, but that this culture wasn't made for me. Whenever (with VERY few exceptions) I listen to music, watch tv, go see a movie, etc., the love story is always between a boy and a girl. I cannot relate to that. It drove a wedge between myself and heterosexual culture. I'm so glad for this, because it truly opened my eyes to the problems minority groups struggle with.

Going back to the original post, I'll bet you good money the caller was white. I can identify with that feeling, like I mentioned before, that minority groups should just assimilate into mainstream culture and stop making such a big fuss about it. The problem is I can't (and I don't want to.) When we see blockbusters portraying gay leading characters and radio time given to gay love songs, you'll see me forget about my sexuality (aka never). How can we possibly "forget" about it when every time we're exposed to the media, we are reminded of it? Every time I see a commercial with a heterosexual couple, it's a reminder that that will never be me. This lady needs to open her eyes. The reason why queer people are so obsessed with our sexuality or gender is because we are alienated constantly by mainstream culture.

I feel exactly the same way.

Every time I see a heterosexual couple on TV, I get this little sting inside me that says, "That isn't you. That won't ever be you. You won't go to prom with that perfect guy and gossip about it with a bunch of girls. You may not ever get married. It won't be 'natural' when you have kids like it is with most people; contraception will happen in a test tube. Your future will be completely different than you've been raised to think it would be." And that wouldn't seem like much to straight people, but that sort of thing is really noticeable once you realize it'll probably never be a part of your life.

So why is it so wrong to try to relate to something? Straight girls watch romantic comedies and wish they were the girl in the movie, so what's so "obsessive" about me watching/reading anything LGBT? It's something I can relate to.

[mattypants]

^kaybee, i <3 your post

Originally Posted by mediumdietcoke

I always have cute guys as my desktop background.

Originally Posted by stratavos

I have cute guys that are often naked or in sexy underwear for my desktop background...

so if you're overly gay for just that, then I'd have to be too >.>

i think i'd be overly gay for that too >_>

[littledinosaurs]

I feel like both sides are right, and i'll never really be able to explain it better than this:

It's really annoying when the most interesting & most important thing about someone is that they're gay(or insert any other thing here).

you need to have a balance between being gay and being a person.
but that can be said for anything, not just being gay.

[thevre]

I try not to be too obsessed. Sometimes I have to stop myself from saying something to a friend because I'm afraid they'll turn around and bitch at me about every other thing coming out of my mouth having something to do with homosexuality.