The Temptation and The Tempted - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Bryan90 · 29th Aug 2009, 02:59 PM

Once in awhile, Bryan has troubles thinking about things himself as he finds that it is extremely simple to fall into a "bias trap".

So Bryan would like to share with EC this question that he has been pondering for a long time - is the fault at the temptation or the tempted? For example, in the case of sexual addiction due to pornography, is the pornography at fault; and that we should ban pornography (at least for the person), or is the person at fault; and that we should teach him/her self-control?

Bryan would really appreciate it if members do not hesitate to share their views on this matter!

Love,
Bryan

**Owen** · 29th Aug 2009, 05:21 PM

It's an interesting question. I think in most cases, neither is at fault. The temptation simply exists and plays off of a human instinct that rarely sees use. Pornography plays on our sexual urges, which exist to guarantee the continuation of the species. Drugs play on our desire to feel good, which prevents us from entering dangerous situations and allows us to survive. Rich food simply plays off of our desire to not starve to death by exciting our brains and releasing hormones that make us hungry. Most temptations are linked to such a survival mechanism. Perhaps this is why those temptations are viewed as bad, for giving in to them is viewed as base. The tempted person could be said to lack civility or willpower, both of which are viewed as necessary attributes.

If I had to fault either the temptation or the tempted, I'd fault the tempted who are too week to resist week temptations and the temptations that are so strong they can even affect the most strong-willed of people. It's a fence-sitting answer, I know, but it's what I think.

olides84 · 29th Aug 2009, 05:22 PM

Well Bryan-who-likes-to-talk-in-the-third-person, I tend to expect people to take personal responsibility for their actions. Ergo, I'd say it's the 'fault' of the tempted.

29th Aug 2009, 05:29 PM

Weeeeeeeeeeeeell I'd have to take into account what you consider being addicted to porn is. You are ultimately responsible for your own actions. For example I do not buy the whole "she/he stole my man/woman!" No honey. No one stole your man.

littledinosaurs · 29th Aug 2009, 08:24 PM

Every situation is different.

If the person is addicted to porn then they need to be taught self-control. (tempted's fault)
If a mistress is throwing herself all over a married man when he's drunk and they hook up you can say it's both their faults.

cicciux · 30th Aug 2009, 03:22 PM

I'd have to say neither. It's not a matter of fault or blame... it's a matter of whether you like the situation you are in or not and what you are prepared to do to overcome it. Feeling guilty will probably lead you back to the situation that you don't like... so... don't.

Remember, nothing changes until something changes... and it's in you to start changing something.

stratavos · 30th Aug 2009, 05:05 PM

in the case that the person has been overly indulgent, then it's the tempted's fault, but if it hasn't been seen in a long while, it's ok (everyone needs release).

xequar · 31st Aug 2009, 08:09 AM

It's all about personal responsibility.

If I walk up to a large black man and start spewing racial slurs, and that man responds by punching me in the face, there are several levels of responsibility.

He is responsible for punching me in the face. He did not react in an appropriate fashion, and whatever legal or other consequences befall him because he punched me in the face are his own fault.

However, *I* am responsible for BEING punched in the face. Had I behaved properly in the first place, I would not have gotten punched in the face. But, because I behaved badly, getting punched in the face is my own damn fault.

So, in the case of someone that becomes addicted to porn, that's their own damn fault. If I create pornography, I'm not behaving badly or out-of-turn. I'm creating a work for the benefit of others. I am responsible for the existence of the porn. Millions of people can view porn on a daily basis, fap to the imagery they see, and then go about leading an ordinary life, so it's not plausible to argue that my creating porn is a bad behavior, unlike walking up to a black man and shouting racial slurs.

Conversely, if someone views my porn and becomes addicted to porn, that person shares at least some responsibility for it. They are the ones that viewed the porn and didn't act properly following that viewing, for whatever reason. I would be responsible for eliciting a (apparently very) pleasurable reaction from the viewer. However, the response to that pleasure is in the province of the viewer, not me.

What I would be responsible for in that instance would be the emotional reaction my porn elicited. If a person were offended by, or felt pleasure from, my porn, I would be responsible for causing that offense or pleasure, but NOT how the person responded to that stimulus.

29th Aug 2009, 02:59 PM	#1
Bryan90 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 668 Join Date: Nov 2006	The Temptation and The Tempted Once in awhile, Bryan has troubles thinking about things himself as he finds that it is extremely simple to fall into a "bias trap". So Bryan would like to share with EC this question that he has been pondering for a long time - is the fault at the temptation or the tempted? For example, in the case of sexual addiction due to pornography, is the pornography at fault; and that we should ban pornography (at least for the person), or is the person at fault; and that we should teach him/her self-control? Bryan would really appreciate it if members do not hesitate to share their views on this matter! Love, Bryan __________________ "But only in their dreams can man be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be." - John Keating, Dead Poets Society

29th Aug 2009, 05:21 PM	#2
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,870 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted It's an interesting question. I think in most cases, neither is at fault. The temptation simply exists and plays off of a human instinct that rarely sees use. Pornography plays on our sexual urges, which exist to guarantee the continuation of the species. Drugs play on our desire to feel good, which prevents us from entering dangerous situations and allows us to survive. Rich food simply plays off of our desire to not starve to death by exciting our brains and releasing hormones that make us hungry. Most temptations are linked to such a survival mechanism. Perhaps this is why those temptations are viewed as bad, for giving in to them is viewed as base. The tempted person could be said to lack civility or willpower, both of which are viewed as necessary attributes. If I had to fault either the temptation or the tempted, I'd fault the tempted who are too week to resist week temptations and the temptations that are so strong they can even affect the most strong-willed of people. It's a fence-sitting answer, I know, but it's what I think. __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

29th Aug 2009, 05:22 PM	#3
olides84 stranger in a strange land Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Pretty much Location: Belgium Posts: 1,042 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted Well Bryan-who-likes-to-talk-in-the-third-person, I tend to expect people to take personal responsibility for their actions. Ergo, I'd say it's the 'fault' of the tempted.

29th Aug 2009, 05:29 PM	#4
71390S Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted Weeeeeeeeeeeeell I'd have to take into account what you consider being addicted to porn is. You are ultimately responsible for your own actions. For example I do not buy the whole "she/he stole my man/woman!" No honey. No one stole your man.

29th Aug 2009, 08:24 PM	#5
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted Every situation is different. If the person is addicted to porn then they need to be taught self-control. (tempted's fault) If a mistress is throwing herself all over a married man when he's drunk and they hook up you can say it's both their faults. __________________ Âllo Là

30th Aug 2009, 03:22 PM	#6
cicciux Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to family and close friends Location: Buenos Aires Age: 25 Posts: 50 Join Date: Aug 2009	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted I'd have to say neither. It's not a matter of fault or blame... it's a matter of whether you like the situation you are in or not and what you are prepared to do to overcome it. Feeling guilty will probably lead you back to the situation that you don't like... so... don't. Remember, nothing changes until something changes... and it's in you to start changing something.

30th Aug 2009, 05:05 PM	#7
stratavos professional lurker Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: bisexual prefering males Out Status: don't ask don't tell (ask and I'll tell) Location: oakville(college) and oshawa(hometown) ont, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 1,101 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted in the case that the person has been overly indulgent, then it's the tempted's fault, but if it hasn't been seen in a long while, it's ok (everyone needs release). __________________ <-is a very bad influence... and definately enjoys it hail lord ilpallazzo!

31st Aug 2009, 08:09 AM	#8
xequar Diapered and collared! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I have "The Gay." :) Out Status: Loud and proud! Location: Detroit area, Michigan Age: 30 Posts: 1,746 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: The Temptation and The Tempted It's all about personal responsibility. If I walk up to a large black man and start spewing racial slurs, and that man responds by punching me in the face, there are several levels of responsibility. He is responsible for punching me in the face. He did not react in an appropriate fashion, and whatever legal or other consequences befall him because he punched me in the face are his own fault. However, I am responsible for BEING punched in the face. Had I behaved properly in the first place, I would not have gotten punched in the face. But, because I behaved badly, getting punched in the face is my own damn fault. So, in the case of someone that becomes addicted to porn, that's their own damn fault. If I create pornography, I'm not behaving badly or out-of-turn. I'm creating a work for the benefit of others. I am responsible for the existence of the porn. Millions of people can view porn on a daily basis, fap to the imagery they see, and then go about leading an ordinary life, so it's not plausible to argue that my creating porn is a bad behavior, unlike walking up to a black man and shouting racial slurs. Conversely, if someone views my porn and becomes addicted to porn, that person shares at least some responsibility for it. They are the ones that viewed the porn and didn't act properly following that viewing, for whatever reason. I would be responsible for eliciting a (apparently very) pleasurable reaction from the viewer. However, the response to that pleasure is in the province of the viewer, not me. What I would be responsible for in that instance would be the emotional reaction my porn elicited. If a person were offended by, or felt pleasure from, my porn, I would be responsible for causing that offense or pleasure, but NOT how the person responded to that stimulus. __________________