A topic of discussion for bisexuals

[Miles D]

[This thread is NOT questioning/disputing the existence of bisexuals. Go do that somewhere else, preferably not on EC.]

What I am wondering is if any bisexual-identified people here plan on settling down in a monogamous straight or gay relationship. Sometimes I just want to find the perfect partner, get married, adopt five kids, and have a quiet life. Although I am frequently attracted to men and women and others, I can definitely see myself "choosing one" in the future.

If a bisexual here plans to/has chosen a monogamous life-partner, how do you reconcile your exclusively hetero/homosexual with your bisexual identity? Does "choosing" one then mean that you are no longer bisexual?

(I personally think that sexual attraction, not sexual actions, determines sexuality, so that even people in monogamous relationships can be bisexual.)

I like to think about it this way:
When a man (let's call him Jim) gets married to a woman (Jane), he doesn't suddenly become Janesexual. He is still heterosexual and still feels attractions to other people. Ditto with bisexuals. I won't be become less of a bisexual if I marry a woman or a man. I will simply be married.

And I do plan on pursuing a monogamous relationship. I personally do not like the idea of polygamy or open relationships, but I understand that it works for other people.

It drives me up the wall though when people assume that because I'm attracted to both genders (and those in between) that I can't be in one relationship. I do not need to date both. I hate that stereotype. So much.

[Miles D]

Originally Posted by Numfarh

I like to think about it this way:
When a man (let's call him Jim) gets married to a woman (Jane), he doesn't suddenly become Janesexual. He is still heterosexual and still feels attractions to other people.

totally agree.

[Greggers]

Not bisexual here (boobies make me run away and cry...) but this is a very good topic miles

Its been said many times though, and Corina just said it again. Heterosexuals and Homosexuals are still attracted to the opposite/same gender when they are married, no different than a Bisexual expect they are attracted to both.

It depends on the person if they are going to be faithful to their partner or not. Some people are very good at "settling for" and committing to one person. Some people...not so much. It just brings us back to the "shades of grey" speech. Nothing is black and white, so dont try and force things into just two categories.

[Tokarov]

Originally Posted by mediumdietcoke

[This thread is NOT questioning/disputing the existence of bisexuals. Go do that somewhere else, preferably not on EC.]

What I am wondering is if any bisexual-identified people here plan on settling down in a monogamous straight or gay relationship. Sometimes I just want to find the perfect partner, get married, adopt five kids, and have a quiet life. Although I am frequently attracted to men and women and others, I can definitely see myself "choosing one" in the future.

If a bisexual here plans to/has chosen a monogamous life-partner, how do you reconcile your exclusively hetero/homosexual with your bisexual identity? Does "choosing" one then mean that you are no longer bisexual?

(I personally think that sexual attraction, not sexual actions, determines sexuality, so that even people in monogamous relationships can be bisexual.)

Personally as long as I find SOMEONE I don't really care.

For now it's just me, and my waffles. (#)(#)(#)

[djt820]

Bisexuals

[Tokarov]

Originally Posted by djt820

Bisexuals

Yeah what about them? You wanna say something?

[djt820]

Originally Posted by Tokarov

Yeah what about them? You wanna say something?

[Tokarov]

Originally Posted by djt820

Boy please. Back up off.

bro be sounding like he wants to say something. don't roll yo eyes cuz speak!

lolz bro. yo make me laugh. my e-peen is bigger than your e-peen.

[HazMattic_Force]

Anyone who finds somebody they love should be able to settle down on them , yet for bisexuals it may be harder because they are attracted to more than gays or straights. Now this doesn't exactly say anything because gay straight bisexual or anything else , some people just are not sexually satisfied with one person and need the adrenaline. Adrenaline junkies are a common polygamous or single relationship holders because of the adrenaline needed for relationships , yet there partner may be the same so they need something new so not matter what orientation people will always [ AS A WHOLE] have polygamous relationships ....
Or at least in my opinion .

[xballetxbeautyx]

Well... I suppose I'm not technically calling myself bisexual cause I actually don't know what I am yet... but assuming that I am, I still plan to eventually settle with a girl.

Back when I was sure I was bi, before I had considered the possibility of being gay, I was first like, "Well I like girls, but I'm still going to marry a nice guy and have kids." But then I realized that the idea of being with a girl forever was just so much more appealing to me.

Of course, nothing is certain. Maybe (though I seriously doubt it, but it could happen) I will end up with a guy. One of my mom's friends who was gay, completely gay, and had known she was gay for years and years, moved all the way to Georgia just so she could get married. To a man.

[stratavos]

well, I'd like to be with a man, but I'd still find some women appealing.

[NateDawg]

Well. I struggle with this personally. I classify myself as bisexual because I still do have attractions to women, but do with men as well. I would like to be married one day with children, but this is where it gets hard. Being interested in both sexes makes it more complicated in my opinion. Sure, when a man settles with a women he will still have attractions to other women, like someone stated above. However, it's if you plan on being faithful to your soul mate. Whether or not bi or not, it's really no different than being straight. Straight people still are attracted to others when married as will bisexuals. However, a bisexual confuses me, lol. I can't helpl my attractions to men at the same time i can't help it with SOME women.. So confusing...

[Amy]

Wifffffe.
I just can't see my trust issues being resolved.

[Jack2009]

Meganfoxual

[Eleanor Rigby]

Originally Posted by Numfarh

I like to think about it this way:
When a man (let's call him Jim) gets married to a woman (Jane), he doesn't suddenly become Janesexual. He is still heterosexual and still feels attractions to other people. Ditto with bisexuals. I won't be become less of a bisexual if I marry a woman or a man. I will simply be married.

I find Corina's comparison absolutly awesome.

One of my friend is bisexual, but he had been in a monogamous relationship for more than ten years with a woman. The fact he was in an heterosexual relationship didn't make him heterosexual. He was (is) still bisexual but choosed to be faithful to the woman he loved. I think it would have been the exact same thing if his partner had been a man.

[littledinosaurs]

Originally Posted by Numfarh

I like to think about it this way:
When a man (let's call him Jim) gets married to a woman (Jane), he doesn't suddenly become Janesexual. He is still heterosexual and still feels attractions to other people. Ditto with bisexuals. I won't be become less of a bisexual if I marry a woman or a man. I will simply be married.

And I do plan on pursuing a monogamous relationship. I personally do not like the idea of polygamy or open relationships, but I understand that it works for other people.

It drives me up the wall though when people assume that because I'm attracted to both genders (and those in between) that I can't be in one relationship. I do not need to date both. I hate that stereotype. So much.

Agreed times Ten

Also: Bisexuality is just one healthy sexuality, it's not a struggle between homosexuality and heterosexuality.

[Bradley James]

I can see myself settling down with one or the other for the rest of my life... I felt that way about my boyfriend... than I left him... felt that way about my girlfriend, then someone splashed cold water on my face and I left her...

I really want children, and by that, I mean children that are my own, children that will get the best- and worst- of me. Which means that I will most likely end up marrying a woman. I'm generally attracted more to women anyway (although that does change; sometimes I have 'gay' periods where women are a turn off).

And no, that wouldn't alter my orientation. Settling down with someone for life does not, in my opinion, change your orientation. You are what you are.

I can see me settling down sometime in the future but that means I have found someone who is perfect for me (at that moment and time--> cant predict the future). My orientation is bi because Im fluid in my defination of it. It came the closest to how I thought of myself. Sometimes I wish I could say f**k everybdy(society ect) and do what excatly what makes me then Im thrusted back into reality. For example my mom know what I am but she ll openly call LGBT digusting right in front of my face and I smile and move on.

I also hate that sterotype that I have to date both at the same time and Im not capable of a single committed relationship. I noticed that some people have a problem staying with one person regradless of their orientation.

[ccdd]

I find that if I fall for someone or I'm with someone I love, they just encompass all of my waking thoughts and fill in every space in my mind and heart. When I was in a relationship that lasted five years, I found that this was still so after many years. If someone truly is the person you're supposed to be with, then it's all-consuming and you don't need someone of the other gender.

However, I do know that if I end up with a woman my life will be a lot harder, and my life will be different. That is a fact of life. If I end up with a man, people won't look at me in the street, we'll be able to get married (rather than civil partnered), the world and his wife won't have an opinion on whether we should or shouldn't be together, and having children will probably be easier. This is something that has definitely made me wonder if I should just wait and hope for a man to come along. It would be dishonest of me to claim otherwise. HOWEVER, I also feel that I will not be truly at peace with my bisexuality unless I am happy to end up with either - regardless of the world.

But mainly what I think is this: unless I am careful and weigh my thoughts and feelings up closely, I am probably more likely to accept a slightly "sub-standard" relationship with a man than I am the same with a woman. I don't like this, and I'm working it out in my head. What I mean is this: if I really and truly and totally love a woman, then I will be with her, whatever. BUT if there's any uncertainty, any thought of "Is she the one? Do I really want to be with her?" then I will probably be less likely to "settle" as it were than, say, I might with a man. This is NOT what I intend to do. I don't believe in "settling" - but I am EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS that this should never be the case. ie. That I remain in a relationship or don't depending upon the relationship itself, and not because of societal pressure.

I'm not sure if this makes sense. I just feel that, for instance, it COULD be tempting if you get to a certain age as a woman and you're in a relationship with a man that's OK but not great to just stay with them because it's easier, but if you're in th same position but in a gay relationship with a woman the added complications of a gay relationship are what tilt the balance in favour of breaking up. Does this make sense? I aim to be very careful and to avoid this, because in clear-cut cases where you want to be with someone, you'll stay - but it might possibly be tempted to "settle" with a man - which would not be fair on either me or him.