Friends and Family

[JonB321]

Okay... I'm not so sure this is chit chat, or advice, but I like this section more! Either way, I came out to my parents today... I didn't really want to, but I found out that a few other parents in the neighborhood had found out (I live in the area of the country that Desperate Housewives wants to be! It was one of my Mom's best friends who found out first and told a bunch of people!) Anyway, I didn't want my parents to hear from someone else, so I told them. My parents were always cool with gay people, and my mom is a member of HRC and she always asked me if I met a nice boy or girl to date (very awkward!). So, I told them, and my mom couldn't stop coming back to one point: she didn't understand why I have all straight friends. It really annoyed me. My friends are straight, and they don't care that I'm gay. But she kept harping on the fact that I should have gay friends, and I should start meeting other gay people and I should speak to other gay people, and my straight friends would eventually leave me, blah blah blah...

I got really offended! I mean, my friends are the most important thing in the world to me. Over the past month and a half, I've told 40 friends... not a single one had a problem with it! Not one!!!! But my mom thinks I need to find new gay friends. What do you guys think? Is it awful that I'm friends with 99.99% straight people? Is that a problem? Are they not good friends just because their straight? I don't see what the problem is... what do you guys think?

I used to have zero gay friends... just by default. It wasn't like I was trying not to, but that's just how it happened. Once I made some gay friends they opened some doors for me that probably wouldn't have opened before, relationship-wise. It pays to have as many friends as you can, gay or not.

It's cool that your mother had such a wonderful response, though I'm disappointed in the behavior of some of the other neighborhood women.

Oh my gosh, your mom sounds sooo cool!

I doubt she was trying to imply that the friends you have are not good enough just b/c they're straight. She probably just wants to be sure that you have friends who can relate to issues you might have pertaining to being gay. I think it's really sweet! I mean, if your existing friendships fulfill all you want from friends, then great. I don't think gay people MUST have mostly gay friends. I certainly don't. At the same time, if I had all the gay friends that I wanted to have in face-to-face life, perhaps I wouldn't feel so compelled to stalk Empty Closets so often.

Bottom line is, it's great to have friends from different backgrounds with different experiences and all that. But a real friend is a real friend -- gay or straight or whatever.

Your mom sounds incredible! I agree that it is important to have gay friends. It opens up so may new doors, and gives you a perspective on the gay community. But a variety of friends is also important. Just tell her that your working on it, but that there are more staright people than gay people, so sometimes that's the way things work.

Good luck, and I'm glad the experience went well for you!

[hawkeye]

Wow, Your mom is cool, however awkward she can be! Just curious, did she ever do that in front of friends?

I also dont have any gay friends. In fact, I dont even know anybody who I'm sure is gay. Although I do think that it would be great to know guys who are gay, believing that you should have mostly gay friends is like saying that your sexuality is more important than most other things. I wish i had gay friends, but if the way i get along with my one male (straight) friend who I am out to is an indicator, being gay doesnt mean you cant be friends with straigt people.

[goratrix]

Hmm, I'm starting to have gay friends, not many though... I think popboy for now... and it doesn't really count, for we live in different countries... :P Still, I don't expect any of my friends 'leaving' me because I start having gay friends or actually getting a boyfriend... I mean... that would be like: hey, I don't mind you being gay as long as you act straight... and I don't think my friends are like that...