"The whole gay thing"

[Kenko]

I've noticed a number of people, gay, straight, or otherwise occasionally say that.

Example:
Mom: "When are you going to tell your sister about the whole gay thing?"

Way to make the whole topic even more awkward! Why not say "When are you going to tell your sister you're gay?", "When are you going to tell you're sister that you like boys?", or some other not so awkward phasing?

Anyone I've heard that says it, isn't trying to be mean or anything, are usually supportive, but must be uncomfortable talking about it or something. But saying it like that sounds like you're talking about a rat infestation "thing" or something.

Thoughts? Experiences?

[RaeofLite]

...Argh. I can totally relate.

I first came out to my mom and sis, and my mom said. "When are you going to tell dad about the whole gay thing?" (same thing, no joke). As if it's a disease. But... I guess they aren't educated about this sort of thing and no one really talks about it unless they personally know someone open and out about it in their day to day lives.

I told her she should because I didn't know how he'd respond. He actually responded better than she did. :P Anyway, now it's a matter of "teh gay thing" and telling extended family and people in our town (who approach mom asking questions about me because of the 'rumour mill'). To be honest, I'm tired of it, but really couldn't care now. I'm out, and that's why because I am tired of lying and being dishonest and living life as someone I'm not meant to be.

Closets are for clothes, not people (as I heard quoted somewhere).


My idea for you, maybe get a book educating families/friends about LGBTQ. That might help them realize things you had to struggle with, and answer any questions you're not sure of answering, and also just let them read experiences that they can probably relate to themselves as relatives of a gay family member. All in all, a good idea. (If they're not religious, cock the shotgun and shoot the gays type people).

[Greggers]

I think, ironicly, im the only one whos used that phrase that i know of xD

Mainly ive used it whenever i needed to sum up my coming out.

"Why did you drop that course last fall?"
"Oh you know, the whole gay thing was going on and i just was really stressed."

Or something like...

"Now that everyone knows about the whole gay thing, its so much easier to just....live."

Its almost like im taking all the bad that happened to me from my coming out months and put it in a box called "the whole gay thing" and stuck THAT in the closet in my place.

[malachite]

I know it can seem frustrating, but like you said they aren't trying to be mean.
Just tell them that when they say it that way it makes you uncomfortable, or pisses you off, most people who talk that way don't have much exposure to gays.

We have enough people who really hate us, let's not turn on people who aren't anti-gay.

[Lexington]

It's a common phrase - and not just about homosexuality - used by people unfamiliar (and usually somewhat uncomfortable) with a topic. Say a friend of yours is going to a Star Trek convention. Full costume, the works. You can probably picture somebody saying "So, how was that whole...Star Trek...thing?" or "I didn't know you were into that...Star Trek...thing."

My gut feeling on it is that no, it's not the ideal way to address it. But at least they ARE addressing it. And if you keep talking about it like it's no big deal - since it ain't - they'll eventually drop the "thing" as well.

Lex

[-Michael-]

Everyone says it,

Not exclusive to being gay,

Stop over analysing things.

[Steve]

"when are you going to tell your brothers your the demon ? " lolxD

[Revan]

When are you gonna tell your friend about the whole not liking them thing?
When are you gonna ask your sister about the whole dating thing?
When did your mother tell you about the whole divorce thing?

See? Numerous ways

[xballetxbeautyx]

Yeah, I actually do use that. I think whenever I use it I'm usually trying to lighten the mood. Like, for example, talking to my friend and not wanting her to blow up on me, "I know you're uncomfortable with the whom lesbian thing." Stuff like that.

[Jeimuzu]

Reason they say it is because it's less awkward for them to say. My mum doesn't want to think of me as gay, and it's a way where she doesn't really have to acknowledge I am, simply that there's something gay that needs talking about.

[TriBi]

^ Wise words & very likely spot on.

Still - I have to admit it does sort of resonate about as well as saying "When are you going to tell them about your genital herpes" or something similar...hehe...

[Filip]

To me it really depends how it's said. A lot of the time, I refer to it as "the gay thing" myself. I don't think I've ever said "I'm gay" like that in real life, to be honest. In a way, I like how "the gay thing" makes it sound as if it's just one facet of me, rather than a summary of who I am.

What's a bit grating though is if people say: Let's talk about... [long silence] you know... [long silence, start to look at an unspecified point near your feet] the gay thing...[speaking these last words terribly soft and fast]. It's the delivery that makes it sound like a dirty secret.

[Mana]

I dont see a problem with it :S I refer to everything as "thing". I somewhat lack communicative skills :P and usually attempt to draw sentences out ridiculously.

Or if I dont want to exoplain something multiple times.

"You know, the whole everybody-at-school-hated-me-so-I-left-and-am-now-going-to-fail-at-life-because-I-can-only-take-2-exams thing"