What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

RaeofLite · 30th Sep 2009, 10:41 AM

Did you come to a revelation? Have a dream? Something happened? that made you realize you needed to come out or have to soon?

Just a discussion here.

Mine would have to be: having my journal found by family... >.< and having dreams of being a runnaway bride on my wedding day to a dude. It just wasn't feasbile in my mind. There was a woman I loved waiting outside the wedding ceremony in one dream and we held hands and jumped into someone's jeep. lol

I realized life had to be lived by my standards, not what others wanted of me.

GhostDog · 30th Sep 2009, 11:06 AM

There were a number of little things, but I can think of a few specifics.

Something that made it unpleasant to stay in? I felt like I was an impostor. Like every time someone would say something to me about a boyfriend, or a hot actor, or "Oh, I watched that show for <Actress> too, though probably for different reasons" (No, you didn't, guy, I thought she was hot too), and I went along with it? I felt that achy, uncomfortable guilty feeling I get when I lie. It got exceedingly unpleasant. I also remember one particular dream where I had a boyfriend, who was fairly similar to a guy I dated VERY briefly, and all I could think was, "This isn't right. I want a girlfriend."

Something that made it desirable to come out? Daydreams featuring me and a girlfriend, doing everything from the simple stuff (going to the store, playing games together, holding hands, picking out a puppy, etc...) to... well, probably exactly what you are thinking. =P

But one of the biggest specific moments I remember, back when I was still trying to figure myself out and was deathly afraid of saying something, I was driving and someone asked me point-blank if I was straight. My heart rate shot up, I got dizzy, and suddenly 60 MPH seemed very, very slow indeed. I said, "... Yeah" and tried to keep myself on the road. (And then she told a dumb lesbian joke. "You know, they came up with a cure for lesbianism." "Oh?" "It's a drug called Trimenagain!" Yargh.)

I spent the rest of the day thinking, "I lied. I lied? Holy shit, that was a lie. Holy shit!" (To top it all off, she and I were on our way to a restaurant at the time, and the waiter seemed to think we were on a date, and I couldn't stop thinking how nice that would be.)

So, yeah. Much happier out now. =D

malachite · 30th Sep 2009, 11:07 AM

I was tired of lying to myself. I was always lonly...like people don't know the real me.
Plus I'm not one to back down from a fight, and people have issue with my gayness....then lets dance asshole...let's dance.

Pseudojim · 30th Sep 2009, 12:19 PM

this is going to sound stupid

The clincher for me was a drunken conversation with a female bisexual friend of mine. I knew i'd always been able to find men attractive, but never really got as randy over guys as much as i did over girls. The conversation got sexual though, and she was talking about screwing me with a strapon while i went down on her boyfriend, which was a totally hot prospect. It was about that point i realised i'm definitely more open to phalluses than i thought i was.

Kenko · 30th Sep 2009, 12:28 PM

Tired of hiding / lying.

Jay D · 30th Sep 2009, 12:36 PM

I took 4 years to work out I was bisexual, and by then it just felt right to tell a few close friends. I'm now out to everyone who cares, but it took 4 years and a lot of close relationships to get there. I am bisexual, but I feel more strongly attracted to guys, so I guess I'm bi-straight?

Pseudojim · 30th Sep 2009, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladygothicka

I took 4 years to work out I was bisexual, and by then it just felt right to tell a few close friends. I'm now out to everyone who cares, but it took 4 years and a lot of close relationships to get there. I am bisexual, but I feel more strongly attracted to guys, so I guess I'm bi-straight?

bi-straight also, high five sista!

Greggers · 30th Sep 2009, 01:13 PM

Looking back, i really dont know WHAT pushed me out. I was scared to death and convinced everyone was going to abandon me. I mean, all these fears even had substantial weight behind them too so i was right to be afraid...

But somehow i just kind of powered through my coming out in a month or so and that was that

Apocalypte · 30th Sep 2009, 01:28 PM

Like a lot of others, just being sick of hiding.

30th Sep 2009, 01:59 PM

I was feeling very fuck-the-world at the time. I've forgotten what made me feel that way. It kinda got dwarfed in the excitement, I suppose.

Nodnarb · 30th Sep 2009, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhostDog

But one of the biggest specific moments I remember, back when I was still trying to figure myself out and was deathly afraid of saying something, I was driving and someone asked me point-blank if I was straight. My heart rate shot up, I got dizzy, and suddenly 60 MPH seemed very, very slow indeed. I said, "... Yeah" and tried to keep myself on the road. (And then she told a dumb lesbian joke. "You know, they came up with a cure for lesbianism." "Oh?" "It's a drug called Trimenagain!" Yargh.)

I spent the rest of the day thinking, "I lied. I lied? Holy shit, that was a lie. Holy shit!"

I had a similar experience back in 8th grade. A friend of mine asked me if I was gay, and I said something along the lines of "No, of course not!". We were on a band trip to Adventureland, and the whole rest of the day it was the only thing I could think about. I was so distracted I even overcame my fear of heights for awhile and went on some rides I would never consider going near now

. So yeah, that day really got me thinking.

What pushed me out of the closet for the first time was when my mom got angry with me for being on the Internet too much, and that she felt I was keeping secrets from her/not telling her the truth about something. So I decided that the only thing to do was to tell the truth. Fortunately, things went well

.

**Lexington** · 30th Sep 2009, 02:29 PM

Just got tired of avoiding the subject. I share everything with my friends, so I felt it only fair to share this, too.

Lex

30th Sep 2009, 03:01 PM

When I figured out myself...I just didn't see the point of hiding from the people I knew wouldn't care. Granted, I've still got a foot in the closet (my parents/extended family are a lot more...uptight than my friends/brother/cousins), but the longer I go, the worse I feel about it.

At this point, I'm just tired of having to be quiet about certain things when they come up in conversation. And feel rather bad for not telling my parents the truth.

30th Sep 2009, 03:12 PM

I felt pressured to do so. Makes me sad to think about it, but i don't regret it.

sexyalex · 30th Sep 2009, 04:57 PM

Personally, maturity. I have grown fearless, being in the most homophobic country in the world and all, u know.

I just don't care anymore. If I die, I die. But I die with pride and my head held high.

**Owen** · 30th Sep 2009, 08:13 PM

Truthfully, I had accepted the idea of being gay before I finally figured out I was gay, so the final thing that pushed me out of the closet was figuring out that I was gay. I was very confused growing up, so I had a lot of time to accept who I was before I actually figured it out. My life is strange that way.

Astaroth · 30th Sep 2009, 08:21 PM

I came out pretty quickly and easily to my friends, but it required me realizing that I was only two months shy of my 25th birthday to finally tell my parents. I just thought to myself "my god, you're going to be a quarter-century old... 1/4 of 100 years... and you can't just be honest with them and move on?" and... it worked.

Phoenix · 30th Sep 2009, 08:27 PM

Myself? Haha idk. I was always in the middle, I was never really out but never really in either.

xballetxbeautyx · 30th Sep 2009, 08:36 PM

I hit puberty pretty early I guess (boobs at eight, period at ten) but really didn't think about being gay until I was 12. I had switched schools and not told anyone about having two moms, and kids being stupid made it into a big deal and spread rumors about it all year. I freaked out and hated school there, and one night late in the year I had a dream that since my moms were gay I was too. That was the first time it crossed my mind, but I never gave it much more thought until one of my friends admitted (after some friendly, innocent sexual... erm... energy being released at a sleepover) that she thought that she might be bi. Turns out I enjoyed the 'fun' way more than anyone else. And I tell my friends everything, and after having rumors spread about me for a year I was done caring. So I came out. I do wish I hadn't come out as bi first though, it makes everything more complicated and I hate addin to the 'bi doesn't exist' sterotype.

Oh man... Long post. I need to lay off the caffeine.

RaeofLite · 30th Sep 2009, 08:38 PM

Aw these are great stories. Lying sucks, I'll agree there. So much energy, and I have a really guilty conscience, even with little lies, such as who I was with, doing what etc. ><

30th Sep 2009, 10:41 AM	#1
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Did you come to a revelation? Have a dream? Something happened? that made you realize you needed to come out or have to soon? Just a discussion here. Mine would have to be: having my journal found by family... >.< and having dreams of being a runnaway bride on my wedding day to a dude. It just wasn't feasbile in my mind. There was a woman I loved waiting outside the wedding ceremony in one dream and we held hands and jumped into someone's jeep. lol I realized life had to be lived by my standards, not what others wanted of me. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

30th Sep 2009, 11:06 AM	#2
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? There were a number of little things, but I can think of a few specifics. Something that made it unpleasant to stay in? I felt like I was an impostor. Like every time someone would say something to me about a boyfriend, or a hot actor, or "Oh, I watched that show for <Actress> too, though probably for different reasons" (No, you didn't, guy, I thought she was hot too), and I went along with it? I felt that achy, uncomfortable guilty feeling I get when I lie. It got exceedingly unpleasant. I also remember one particular dream where I had a boyfriend, who was fairly similar to a guy I dated VERY briefly, and all I could think was, "This isn't right. I want a girlfriend." Something that made it desirable to come out? Daydreams featuring me and a girlfriend, doing everything from the simple stuff (going to the store, playing games together, holding hands, picking out a puppy, etc...) to... well, probably exactly what you are thinking. =P But one of the biggest specific moments I remember, back when I was still trying to figure myself out and was deathly afraid of saying something, I was driving and someone asked me point-blank if I was straight. My heart rate shot up, I got dizzy, and suddenly 60 MPH seemed very, very slow indeed. I said, "... Yeah" and tried to keep myself on the road. (And then she told a dumb lesbian joke. "You know, they came up with a cure for lesbianism." "Oh?" "It's a drug called Trimenagain!" Yargh.) I spent the rest of the day thinking, "I lied. I lied? Holy shit, that was a lie. Holy shit!" (To top it all off, she and I were on our way to a restaurant at the time, and the waiter seemed to think we were on a date, and I couldn't stop thinking how nice that would be.) So, yeah. Much happier out now. =D __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians)

30th Sep 2009, 11:07 AM	#3
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? I was tired of lying to myself. I was always lonly...like people don't know the real me. Plus I'm not one to back down from a fight, and people have issue with my gayness....then lets dance asshole...let's dance. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

30th Sep 2009, 12:19 PM	#4
Pseudojim Part robot Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bi - Kinsey 2ish Out Status: All but family Location: Australia Age: 27 Posts: 2,154 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? this is going to sound stupid The clincher for me was a drunken conversation with a female bisexual friend of mine. I knew i'd always been able to find men attractive, but never really got as randy over guys as much as i did over girls. The conversation got sexual though, and she was talking about screwing me with a strapon while i went down on her boyfriend, which was a totally hot prospect. It was about that point i realised i'm definitely more open to phalluses than i thought i was.

30th Sep 2009, 12:28 PM	#5
Kenko EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few friends + parents Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 1,407 Join Date: Jan 2007	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Tired of hiding / lying. __________________ Some of us are at different harmonics, but we all have the same fundamental frequency.

30th Sep 2009, 12:36 PM	#6
Jay D First Lady of the Gothickan Empire. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Everyone knows I'm straight Location: Norwich, Norfolk. Age: 20 Posts: 271 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? I took 4 years to work out I was bisexual, and by then it just felt right to tell a few close friends. I'm now out to everyone who cares, but it took 4 years and a lot of close relationships to get there. I am bisexual, but I feel more strongly attracted to guys, so I guess I'm bi-straight? __________________

30th Sep 2009, 01:13 PM	#8
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Looking back, i really dont know WHAT pushed me out. I was scared to death and convinced everyone was going to abandon me. I mean, all these fears even had substantial weight behind them too so i was right to be afraid... But somehow i just kind of powered through my coming out in a month or so and that was that __________________ "It's a male duck."

30th Sep 2009, 01:28 PM	#9
Apocalypte Ytse Jamming. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Dublin, Ireland Age: 27 Posts: 2,217 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Like a lot of others, just being sick of hiding. __________________ "I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson

30th Sep 2009, 01:59 PM	#10
Drizzt DoUrden Guest Posts: n/a	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? I was feeling very fuck-the-world at the time. I've forgotten what made me feel that way. It kinda got dwarfed in the excitement, I suppose.

30th Sep 2009, 02:29 PM	#12
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Just got tired of avoiding the subject. I share everything with my friends, so I felt it only fair to share this, too. Lex

30th Sep 2009, 03:01 PM	#13
Haiiro Guest Posts: n/a	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? When I figured out myself...I just didn't see the point of hiding from the people I knew wouldn't care. Granted, I've still got a foot in the closet (my parents/extended family are a lot more...uptight than my friends/brother/cousins), but the longer I go, the worse I feel about it. At this point, I'm just tired of having to be quiet about certain things when they come up in conversation. And feel rather bad for not telling my parents the truth.

30th Sep 2009, 03:12 PM	#14
Lone Wolf9277 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? I felt pressured to do so. Makes me sad to think about it, but i don't regret it.

30th Sep 2009, 04:57 PM	#15
sexyalex Fame Monster copy No.2 Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: attracted to anyone sexy Out Status: only my friends know. Location: Kingston Age: 20 Posts: 1,410 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Personally, maturity. I have grown fearless, being in the most homophobic country in the world and all, u know. I just don't care anymore. If I die, I die. But I die with pride and my head held high. __________________ I know that we are young and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore. Alejandro.

30th Sep 2009, 08:13 PM	#16
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,870 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Truthfully, I had accepted the idea of being gay before I finally figured out I was gay, so the final thing that pushed me out of the closet was figuring out that I was gay. I was very confused growing up, so I had a lot of time to accept who I was before I actually figured it out. My life is strange that way. __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

30th Sep 2009, 08:21 PM	#17
Astaroth ❀ Byakuren Hijiri ❀ Full Member Gender: Genderqueer Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Federal Way, WA Age: 30 Posts: 1,299 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? I came out pretty quickly and easily to my friends, but it required me realizing that I was only two months shy of my 25th birthday to finally tell my parents. I just thought to myself "my god, you're going to be a quarter-century old... 1/4 of 100 years... and you can't just be honest with them and move on?" and... it worked. __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

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30th Sep 2009, 08:27 PM	#18
Phoenix EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Somewhere between gay and bisexual Out Status: Very Location: Massachusetts, USA Posts: 755 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Myself? Haha idk. I was always in the middle, I was never really out but never really in either.

30th Sep 2009, 08:36 PM	#19
xballetxbeautyx Heterodox Homosexual Full Member Gender: (.)(.) Orientation: Kinsey 5? Ish? Out Status: If you don't know, where have you been all my life Location: Midwest USA Age: 17 Posts: 1,719 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? I hit puberty pretty early I guess (boobs at eight, period at ten) but really didn't think about being gay until I was 12. I had switched schools and not told anyone about having two moms, and kids being stupid made it into a big deal and spread rumors about it all year. I freaked out and hated school there, and one night late in the year I had a dream that since my moms were gay I was too. That was the first time it crossed my mind, but I never gave it much more thought until one of my friends admitted (after some friendly, innocent sexual... erm... energy being released at a sleepover) that she thought that she might be bi. Turns out I enjoyed the 'fun' way more than anyone else. And I tell my friends everything, and after having rumors spread about me for a year I was done caring. So I came out. I do wish I hadn't come out as bi first though, it makes everything more complicated and I hate addin to the 'bi doesn't exist' sterotype. Oh man... Long post. I need to lay off the caffeine. __________________ I can't go to Pigfarts! IT'S ON MARS. You need a rocketship! Do you have a rocketship, Potter? Look at this - it's Rocketship Potter! Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!

30th Sep 2009, 08:38 PM	#20
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: What pushed you or is pushing you out of the closet? Aw these are great stories. Lying sucks, I'll agree there. So much energy, and I have a really guilty conscience, even with little lies, such as who I was with, doing what etc. >< __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)