So what are you really scared of...?

Answering Machines. I can't stand them. The pressure to leave a perfect message. If you stuff up, that person has proof of your failure forever!

On a more serious note, I think it's loosing my really close friends. Just recently, one of my friend was hospitalised after being knocked off his bike by a car. The idea of loosing him became a reality, and I was confronted with a fear I hadn't encountered before.

My friends are the people that help me through life, and without them, I certainly wouldnt be the person I am today. But why my friends and not my family? Maybe its my rebellious teenage years speaking, but I think I would cope better than if my friends died....but theres no way to be sure.

 

I have the same exact fear as Dave. I'm unbelievably scared to lose my friends, not all of them mind you, my five camp friends and Jason, are the people who I'm most scared to lose. Which is why coming out to them was so hard; I was scared I'd potentially lose them forever. They all proved that I was stupid for even worrying such a thing, but I couldn't help it.

This week I'm going back to school in Atlanta. None of them go to school with me. I'm more excited than anything to get back, but I can't stand the thought of leaving them for four months. Although I'm only 21, 7 of my friends have already died, a staggering number for someone of my age. I think this caused some sort of phobia in me where I have to be around my friends at all times.

On a lighter note, I'm also really scared of clowns and mimes. I watched Stephen King's IT when I was 7, and I couldn't look at clowns anymore, and Mimes are all over Europe, and they freak me out, I don't know why.

 

This is a really good topic.

I think I'm pretty scared of losing my friends too, and for me moving away from them, which I might end up doing in 2 years (to go to grad school), is going to be a lot like losing them. My friends are my life--I'm not that close to that many members of my family--and as attached as I get to places, leaving the city will probably be a cakewalk compared to not being able to hang out with my friends on a regular basis.

I mean, not that I won't make new friends, but a lot of my friends here in Vancouver are long-time friends and very close friends.

But I think more than losing my friends, I'm afraid of not having a purpose in life... or rather, of not making a difference. I kinda grew up expecting to do great things and I have done some amazing ones but for the last few years, nothing much has happened in my life where I feel like I've really ACHIEVED anything momentous.

Straight people, I find, rarely think about this (except maybe when their grown children leave home) because so many of them blindly follow the "finish school, get married, have kids" route, and having kids gives you 20 years of solid purpose--it's just that it's not ultimately YOUR purpose. Or rather, to me it doesn't seem like raising children is that special because EVERYONE seems to be doing it. I mean, I know it's a big deal and important that people do it well but I don't want to be known just as a good parent because then you're defined by your relation to someone else. And I don't want to have children just because everyone thinks you should. And I hate how society is still so bloody biased in favour of people who have children. I mean, any moron can have a child--it's not that great an accomplishment. Now raising that child well and providing for them, that's much more impressive. But if you have children, it seems like you get all this glory whether you're actually a good parent or not.

And the other big thing I'm pretty afraid of is losing my mum. That is, chances are she's going to die before me, and a world without her is pretty much inconceivable to me.

 

I think I'd be more afraid of growing old alone if all my friends were my age or older than me. I'm kinda counting on my younger friends to be there for me later in life. *grin*

 

I think clowns everywhere should file a class action suit against Stephen King because IT totally made clowns terrifying to me, too! Not that I was that into them to start with but after Pennywise, it was definitely all downhill. And I was a lot older than 7 when I first saw it.

 

My biggest fears are basically what everyone else has said: being alone, losing my friends, and especially failing or not achieving my goals. My parents have such high expectations for me and I do for myself as well, but I'm just afraid I'll never reach those goals. And as for being alone, it was one reason why I tried denying my sexuality. It's so much easier to find a girlfriend and have kids and so much more socially acceptable, well here in South Dakota anyway, that I don't wanna end up alone. Those are my thoughts for now.

 

I have thought about that a lot also.... not making a difference, not leaving my mark. Straight people have such an easy out in this department, because they can leave their DNA behind. I mean, I guess we can also, but it's not the natural course for us. Either way, while thinking about this, I realized something. We are the luckiest people in the world. Us, right now. Gays and Lesbians right now are living through our civil rights battle. It's like we're black during the 1960's and 70's. Granted, there were a lot of uphill battles, and they saw more than their fair share of discrimination and abuse, but they won, and they sure as hell lived through exciting times. Every day you read the newspaper and hear about a court case dealing with gays, or a gay kiss was aired on tv, or a new gay drama came out, or a new gay cable station aired for the first time.

If you're worried about not leaving a mark, don't be. Simply being gay at this time in history is a mark, you have the ability to change the minds of those you meet in your every day affairs. Not only that, you have the chance to be the gay Martin Luther King Jr., or the gay Rosa Parks, or (this is what my goal would be) the gay Thurgood Marshall.

Gay people 20 years ago didn't have those chances, and gay people 20 years from now (hopefully) will not have them either. So don't fret. Being gay and being open in itself will help leave a mark. Changes are coming that no one can stop (except for us maybe), and you will be part of them, like it or not. We will all leave a mark.

 

Oh, well, I guess it's obvious... I'm afraid I won't ever find a partner and grow old and bitter. I've always been able to make friends, and the few people in this world I'm really afraid to loose aren't going anywhere for the time being. Ask me again next year though, ant my answer will be different.

Oh, yeah, and I'm really scared of cocroaches (sp?).... don't ask me why, I do smash them with a shoe every chance I get.. but for some reason when I sight them I start jumping like a little girl... it takes me a while to get a grip on myself and destroy the bastard...

 

I don't know if it comes in as "really scared" but I have always felt very uncomfortable in the presence of crowds - especially crowds of youths or loud guys. I think it comes from having been bullied a lot at primary school and also in myforst job when I left school. Fortunately it's normally not a problem to avoid such situations, although it does limit visiting the city centre in the evenings and on days when the local football team are playing at home.

 

I've read about most of my innermost fears in your posts. This is not small
talk, thanks TriBi for this great topic!

The fear of growing old, of growing old alone, of growing old alone and
bitter (yeah, my thoughts are redundant), of always feeling uncomfortable
with groups of people, of being incompatible with every person I may ever
know, of being unable to start and keep a relationship... those are fears
that have crossed my mind over the past years, and still hunt me whenever I
feel down.

Joeyconnick, you really have a good point about having a purpose in life,
that is something that really concerns me, more that anything else. My
biggest fear nowadays I guess.

And of course, cockroaches and some other insects give me the creeps, but
it's all gone after I kill them. I hope I'd be able to do that to my other
fears too!!! :eusa_doh:

When I was little I used to have an irrational fear to those dummies that
were used to display female clothing in some shopwindows. I'm really not
sure whether that contributed to me turning gay or not

 

That's interesting because I have the same issue... but it started getting really weird because it's age-specific... it's triggered by a certain type of group of teenaged boys, so once I was like... I don't know... in my 20s, I thought it was pretty bizarre to be anxious about a group of teenagers because youth are not supposed to be threatening to "adults." So I think overall I'm over it because it just seems a bit silly to be freaked out on principle by people who are substantially younger than me.

 

I can't think straight when a certain teenager is in the room, although I don't think it's the same as your problem joey... XD (oh, come on, it's been a while since I mentioned him!)

Pop... you know you are not alone, I might argue the old bit, but never alone! You've got friends (among who I dare to say I can be counted in), people that really care about you. Still, we all have our irrational fears (looks arround for roaches) but they usually come because of something else... perhaps it would be a good time to start thinking when your life became what it is, and if it was gradual what kept pushing it that way.

Anyway, I'll be there for you, over msn (and from time to time in person) whenever you need me... and when you are ready.


Except for now that I have to go have dinner XD

Thanks (yeah, that was with the ironical tone that means exactly the opposite) for the SG mp3s

 

I am also get scared by... children. This is why I get speechless when a gay guy tells me that the only thing he regrets is not being able to 'have children and raise a family'. It happened to me twice, and I don't know many gay guys, you know. I must be such a weirdo! I'm trying to find where this sort-of-fear comes from. Still unsuccessful.
OK Mr Goratrix, I am getting old, thanks for reminding me! And thanks for... being so nice!!! Honestly, you're one in a million. Maybe we should tell the rest of the guys here that we met here in Buenos Aires and while holding hands we wandered under the moonlight all night long... XD just kidding!!! We met and eventually talked a lot. I say 'eventually' because the first time I saw him I wasn't particularly communicative (if our friendship had been based on first impressions, I would have spoilt it all!).

PS: you wasn't supposed to like those mp3! they were only meant to show what's in my playlist usually! :icon_wink

 

thanks, you're the best.

 

I never get that either, not that I'm scared by children but I just have no desire right now to have them. Not because I think I would make a bad parent (although sometimes that does cross my mind) but because I think to be a good parent you need to devote 20 years of your life to other people and quite frankly if I were to be a parent, I would want to be nothing but a good one, and at the moment I have too much to sort out in my own life to put it on hold for 20 years.

And I would definitely be scared of the responsibility of raising children. That freaks me out.

Children themselves don't scare me. Often they annoy me but they don't scare me.

 

I'm the same way, but as time goes by, though I'm still gunshy around loud guys and boisterous "testosterone-poisoned" males, I've learned to just be myself... and most people have liked me on that basis alone. All others have had their tires slashed.

Just kidding.

I think my first biggest fear right now is something happening to my mom before my brother has made up with her. When she left my dad last October, my brother quit speaking to her. He's slowly begun to come around, but I'm not going to get my hopes up, because whenever I do I almost always get disappointed.

 

I might add that he wasn't that bad... and since I didn't shut up for one second it's not like I gave him a lot of chances to speak... XD.

And I DID like the mp3... or at least a few of them... so it's a little backfire because you know I'll bore you to death with them...