Is sexuality concrete or rubbery?

[Étoile]

When I was little, I thought you could only be heterosexual. When I became a pre-teen, I thought you were either hetero or homo. When I came out to myself in 9th grade, I thought you were either hetero, homo, or bi. Over the years of being on EC and seeing people's sexual orientation bend, believing you're gay then a few months later realizing you're bisexual but with a stronger attraction to men, makes me wonder about two things:

Is sexuality as concrete as people make it seem or does it have the possibility to involuntarily change with time and maturation? Can a child really know if they're straight or gay? When is it a phase and when it's for real?

How many people are 100% straight, gay, or bi? How many guys 'wouldn't mind kissing another guy but not necessarily be bisexual or gay?' or how many girls 'have a small sexual or romantic attraction to other girls?' Does this mean that a guy who considers himself 100% straight but has a very small attraction to guys but has only dated girls could possibly be persuaded into gay sex or relationships? (I'm not trying to seduce a straight guy, only wondering. )

Okay, that's a lot more than two questions LOL but I've been thinking about these a lot. I hope my rambling makes sense.

[Greggers]

I dont think people have "phases". If you like men and women, your bisexual. I dont think people can go from 100% hetero, have a 100% homo phase, then back to 100% hetero. I just have never heard of or seen it or read about it or anything. "phase" seems to be a word i ONLY see used in out-dated teachings or extremist anti-gay groups agendas.

I know personally, im 100% homo. Always have been, always will be. From the first time i ever "got off" it was to the same gender. Ive never thought of women in a sexual way unless i was trying to force myself.

However for alot of people i know that terms cant really be applied to them. They are just...who they are. Some people's sexuality really does know no gender and they just float from one to the other freely and openly without giving it a second thought.

I think for ages men and women have taken any homosexual feelings, put them in a box, and hide said box somewhere never to be seen again. This might account why we think mostly in "hetero" and "homo" because for ages if someone could live as a heterosexual person while ignoring there homosexual feelings, they did it. Now that its more accepted to have these feelings people are not boxing them away and we find out a SHITload of people are bisexual to a certain degree.

[AtomicCafe]

I believe sexuality is completely fluid, going on several spectra instead of just one. (Gay to straight, sexual to asexual, and some more than I can't quite identify.) However, I believe that at a certain point, we cement sexuality with terms. While I consider myself a lesbian, I also consider myself asexual and am attracted to genderqueers. In a way, you could consider me bisexual, pansexual, non-sexual, gay, or any number of things. I just use the word lesbian because it's so much easier than saying something like, "Homoromantic androgynophile."

[x2x2x2x2y2]

It's only as concrete or rubbery as u wanna make it. I agree, u can't go from 100% gay or straight to the opposite.

I firmly believe sexuality is a lot, um, rubberier than most people tend to think (and by most I mean the people who don't have problems with theirs, like straight people). I'd bet there are plenty of people who fit the sort of "in-between" examples you gave. I offer my own sexuality as an example: Physically, guys are hot. Girls... I know female beauty when I see it, but it's just not for me. But emotionally, I'm more attracted to girls versus guys on average. I just don't get along that well with most males (at least the ones I've met).
But realistically, especially while we're still fighting for LGBT(IAQQ... etc etc etc) equality, most people are not going to admit even a passing attraction to someone outside of their normal range of preference. That's my opinion.

[Derek the Wolf]

it's pretty loosey goosey. flexible. rubbery. abstract. subjective. etc. etc.

As rubbery as a bouncy cheque! Its all down to the individual really.

[Pseudojim]

it seems so far that i go through phases with lust for men, it will wax and wane.

i always like chicks though.

[Paragon]

Originally Posted by Drizzt DoUrden

I firmly believe sexuality is a lot, um, rubberier than most people tend to think (and by most I mean the people who don't have problems with theirs, like straight people). I'd bet there are plenty of people who fit the sort of "in-between" examples you gave. I offer my own sexuality as an example: Physically, guys are hot. Girls... I know female beauty when I see it, but it's just not for me. But emotionally, I'm more attracted to girls versus guys on average. I just don't get along that well with most males (at least the ones I've met).
But realistically, especially while we're still fighting for LGBT(IAQQ... etc etc etc) equality, most people are not going to admit even a passing attraction to someone outside of their normal range of preference. That's my opinion.

2nded

[George]

Sexuality is a lemon.

[Nitro]

Is sexuality concrete or rubbery?

You've got it all wrong; it's all about the leather and handcuffs

Allow me to answer your question with another question: why are people gay? Consider by analogy height; why are some people tall? Tallness is a symptom that can have many causes including proper nutrition and genetics. Different causes for tallness may cause you to experience your height differently - for example how fast you grow, in what intervals (growth spurts?), if not primarily due to genetics how tall you are compared to relatives, etc. The end macroscopic result is the same though, you end up being tall. Likewise I propose that different, yet unknown, causes for gayness cause us to experience being gay differently.

[haelmarie]

Originally Posted by Drizzt DoUrden

I firmly believe sexuality is a lot, um, rubberier than most people tend to think (and by most I mean the people who don't have problems with theirs, like straight people). I'd bet there are plenty of people who fit the sort of "in-between" examples you gave. I offer my own sexuality as an example: Physically, guys are hot. Girls... I know female beauty when I see it, but it's just not for me. But emotionally, I'm more attracted to girls versus guys on average. I just don't get along that well with most males (at least the ones I've met).

This. 100%.

It's something that's very hard to explain, but being with a guy just feels right. Girls are good friends, but the sexual attraction just isn't there, no matter how much I try.

I see myself as very good at reading people, and I think can read male-on-male sexual attraction fairly well; some "straight" guys, who will end up with a wife and three kids, are fairly obviously lusting after other guys.

Plus, you get the large amount of homosexual activity in all-male institutions, like prisons or boarding schools between males who would never, ever identify as homosexual outside of these institutions. Which points to society playing some role in confining our sexual libido.

[Swamp56]

It can be both, depends on the person.

[RaeofLite]

Hm... My problem is that I'm gay/lesbian. I'm sure of it. And yet, I sometimes have an emotional connection to guys (and since I have a light, fun, easy going personality, I can come across as a flirt to some) which is a problem, because sexually... I'm just not attracted to the anatomy.

Like, yea there's an attraction, but people wouldn't get that I wouldn't get past the part of kissing to clothes on the floor ok we're doing it (with a guy), and yet with a woman, I am fine with it and attracted to it all... <3

I actually came into a problem the other night with a longtime guy friend wanting to flirt it up and "invite me over after a party". I kept brushing him aside. He even knew I have a gf but he can't get it. I'm emotionally attracted but nothing more since... he's a dude. lol

[Shevanel]

Sexuality is the Ocean we all swim in <3

[GhostDog]

I'm inclined to think that sexuality does have a bit of give to it. I'm not sure someone would go from being 100% one to 100% the other, but hell, I dunno.

Personally, I... think my preferences shifted. But to be honest, my recall for this sort of thing is so bad. I don't know if I actually did used to prefer guys, or if I just assumed that I must and it didn't occur to me that what I felt for women was, uh, not the way straight girls feel about each other. =P

Thing is, I remember having a few male celebrity crushes. Granted, it was all guys like Brian Molko, Paul McGann as the 8th Doctor, and, well, Legolas. I know I did, because I remember having pictures printed out of Brian Molko (with his long hair and makeup) and almost swooning over them. I think the 8th Doctor was my computer background for a long, long time.

But I look at them now, and I'm just like, "Eh, they're cute. They'd be cuter if they were women though!" I know I didn't used to think that way! I don't know if I was just latching on to what femininity I could find in the "acceptable" option for me to like, or if I really did just experience a shift in preference.

Not to mention, the only time I was in a relationship with a boy, I liked being around him fine. He was fun to hang out with, sweet, and very funny! But I got weirded out when he touched me (I didn't even like him hugging me, really), and even though I felt like a raging hornball, I wasn't thrilled at the idea of having sex with him.

I still like the occasional guy, generally ones who have a certain feminine quality to them (and a few oddballs who I can't figure out why I like). But by and large, my preference is women. I honestly have no idea if I'd be in a relationship with a guy, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

So I kinda went from, "Well, I accept the fact that maybe the perfect person for me is gonna end up being a girl. It'll probably be a guy, but if it's a girl, that's cool too!" to "Well, women are completely amazing and I want to make grabbyhands at them, but some dudes can be cute too!" and I'm really not sure how much of that change of attitude had to do with dealing with my denial over the fact that I like the ladies. I'm bad at remembering emotions!

[Zero Beat]

Our mind can do many things, and change out likein of sex is one of them. I think that one day you could wake up and go from eith gay to bi or straight, or it to change over time. One day u may see that girl (if guy) and think she is hot, and thats the start of it. Its rubbery.

[LeonaRose]

I'm personally going with a bit of both on this one. I think some people do just know, that when they reach the point of sexuality [meaning when they start to hit puberty and have sexual feelings] that they're either completely gay or straight or bi. Meaning for them it would be concrete. But then there's some people who go back and forth for a while before they can work themselves out. Me being one of. I go through [sorry to use the term here but] "phases". And I use that term loosely. Now I've worked it out it's just fact for me that I'm bisexual, that's the concrete half of it. However, the rubbery half of it would be, that sometimes I have a stronger attraction to men, sometimes I have a stronger attraction to women. It can change as the days go on but as far as the concrete part goes, I'm bi, I just have a fluid sexuality.