Funny convos! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

RaeofLite · 22nd Oct 2009, 11:06 PM

Have you or friends ever had interesting questions about your orientation, sex or feelings about things? Post them here. Here's one I had not long ago.

-----

Guy Friend:One thing that I could not understand about going out with / marrying a smae sex partner. Is, would you not think that you would miss sex at all?
===
Me: *trying not to stifle laughter and find a supportive answer*
Well... It is possible to have sex with two people of the same sex.
Friend says:
I realize that, however it is not the same.
Me: *thinking: You're right. It's so damn better!!*
Well... I get asked this alot. *goes to explain it*

xballetxbeautyx · 23rd Oct 2009, 04:18 AM

Haha! I've been asked pretty much the same thing. The girl said, "So how do lesbians have sex? Do you just sort of like *awkward grinding pelvic thrust complete with sound effects*?" Then after I got done explaining that one, she continued with, "Are you the boy or the girl in the relationship? Cause if it was me, I would want to be the boy. I'd just wanna be all dominant and like 'Take it, bitch!'"

My face was about this color.

but looking back it was hilarious.

kramer362 · 23rd Oct 2009, 09:43 AM

Just last night actually, with my roommates/landlords, a married couple and 2 of my closest friends (it's not as weird as I expected living with a married couple... YET). We'll call them "John" and "Jill". This is kinda graphic...

After hearing them have sex the other day, we were discussing that it shouldn't be awkward since we live together. John even goes on to tell me he hopes he can catch ME having sex... (what straight guy wants to catch 2 dudes fucking?) Well he says how I should feel comfortable talking about shitting pissing and fucking, etc. Jill goes on to tell me that when I have sex to make sure to practice foreplay because the last time her and John had anal she bled... too much info?, lol.

Then follows..

John: Kramer, be honest, have you ever stuck your finger up your ass to try to stimulate the prostate?
Me: Uhhhh
John: Be honest, cause I'll admit I've had Jill stuck her finger up my ass before when we're having sex. I've tried it myself when I jerk off too..
Me: Haha well I tried it before but it didn't do anything for me.
John: Yeah, same here...

'John' is more comfortable with my gayness than I am I think.

GhostDog · 23rd Oct 2009, 10:09 AM

Well, I was sitting next to my best friend at the Pink concert, waiting for the opening band to come on, and we had a discussion that went like this:

Best friend: See, I like Pink. She has a voice I can respect. It's powerful. A lot of women singers have these high wispy voices and I just can't get into that.
Me: I kind of like that, though! It's sorta etherial. But, y'know, most of the singers I listen to are women, come to think of it.
Best friend: That's because you're a lesbian.
Me: ... Yeah, it probably is.

ethelred · 23rd Oct 2009, 10:59 AM

Yeah, ^John is definitely a-okay with his sexuality.

On the subject of "ridiculously ignorant sex questions," my sister had a run in with one of those:

Oblivious Guy (OG): I don't get gay people...
Sister: What!? (appropriate reaction at the very liberal school she went to)
OG: Well, you know...(he gestures with his two pointer fingers, poking the tips together to highlight the fact that they don't fit together)
Sis: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then there's the one with my roommate:

Roomie:So wait, if we're gay...does that mean we get to use the word 'faggot'?
Me:I guess so. Why would you want to?
Roomie:Well, ignoring the offensive part, I think it is a really great sounding word: faggot (he says it with relish).
Me:You know, you're right, it does sound awesome. Has a lot of power to it.

RaeofLite · 23rd Oct 2009, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kramer362

Then follows..

John: Kramer, be honest, have you ever stuck your finger up your ass to try to stimulate the prostate?
Me: Uhhhh
John: Be honest, cause I'll admit I've had Jill stuck her finger up my ass before when we're having sex. I've tried it myself when I jerk off too..
Me: Haha well I tried it before but it didn't do anything for me.
John: Yeah, same here...

'John' is more comfortable with my gayness than I am I think.

John... sounds pretty open, possibly curious almost. Heh.

It's funny how open some people are willing to talk when it comes to sex and somethy they might not know much about or things like that, eh?

jazzrawr · 23rd Oct 2009, 03:47 PM

Oh, ALL the time.
I literally make allusions and jokes about my gayness every other minute.

I get a lot of people asking questions too, too many conversations that I couldn't even begin to think of one single convo. XD

Most of the conversations go something like:

Friend: So we couldn't do it, because he ran out of condoms. And I am NOT getting pregnant.
Me: I, personally, don't have that problem.

*gloats*
Friend: ...screw off.
Me: And I can have sex in a change room. Nobody would suspect two girls going into a change room together.

Friend: ...YOU SUCK.
Me: Not that I'm bragging, but...become a lesbian.

23rd Oct 2009, 04:24 PM

Yeh lol first person I came out to lol.

Me: so err yeh im gay.
Him: Really... are you sure?
Me: Err YES!
Him: Are you pulling my leg?
Me: No I'm pulling on your cock...
Him: ...

Yeh then he went into the standard questions lol

NickT · 23rd Oct 2009, 05:14 PM

My friend, who recently got a slab of rose quartz that was very sharp, apparently played with it the night before this convo happened and accidentally cut his shoulder. Hilarity ensues the next day. Let's call him Bob

Me: *Sighs after hearing this* Bob, please tell me you disinfected it.
Bob: I did, don't worry.
Me: *Being my usual doctory self* Let me see it.
Bob: Uh...no.
Me: For crying out loud, I'm just gonna see it not touch it.
Bob: ...*stares*
Me: Don't be such a baby, you know I worry about these things. Now let me see it.
Bob: *Keeps staring*
Me: What's the problem?
Bob: Nick. You're gay. I don't want you telling me "I'm just gonna look not touch."

I laughed so hard, 'cause usually I'm the one with the guttermind.

GhostDog · 23rd Oct 2009, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzrawr

Friend: So we couldn't do it, because he ran out of condoms. And I am NOT getting pregnant.
Me: I, personally, don't have that problem.

*gloats*
Friend: ...screw off.
Me: And I can have sex in a change room. Nobody would suspect two girls going into a change room together.

Friend: ...YOU SUCK.
Me: Not that I'm bragging, but...become a lesbian.

That. Is. Amazing. I laughed. =D

+ A bazillion points!

ethelred · 23rd Oct 2009, 06:02 PM

Pure awesome.

George · 23rd Oct 2009, 09:41 PM

Greg: Shushy face, the guy is beautiful and therefore is good.
Stuie: Hahahah I like the bit where he pulls out the glue gun.

kramer362 · 23rd Oct 2009, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaeofLite

John... sounds pretty open, possibly curious almost. Heh.

It's funny how open some people are willing to talk when it comes to sex and somethy they might not know much about or things like that, eh?

Well, he's extremely open because he's in the marines where they all talk real openly about sex. And he's cool with the gay thing because his dad and stepmom growing up were really close to a gay couple and instilled acceptance in him.

Even if he were single and curious and actually wanted to fool around I wouldn't go there lol

Amy · 23rd Oct 2009, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ethelred

Yeah, ^John is definitely a-okay with his sexuality.

On the subject of "ridiculously ignorant sex questions," my sister had a run in with one of those:

Oblivious Guy (OG): I don't get gay people...
Sister: What!? (appropriate reaction at the very liberal school she went to)
OG: Well, you know...(he gestures with his two pointer fingers, poking the tips together to highlight the fact that they don't fit together)
Sis: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then there's the one with my roommate:

Roomie:So wait, if we're gay...does that mean we get to use the word 'faggot'?
Me:I guess so. Why would you want to?
Roomie:Well, ignoring the offensive part, I think it is a really great sounding word: faggot (he says it with relish).
Me:You know, you're right, it does sound awesome. Has a lot of power to it.

It does have a certain ring to it when used correctly.

There's this amazing quote from Threesome that goes something like this.

Gay guy: Don't say faggot. It's like when two black guys call each other nigger.
Straight guy: You just said "nigger."
Gay guy: 'Cause I'm a faggot.

22nd Oct 2009, 11:06 PM	#1
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Funny convos! Have you or friends ever had interesting questions about your orientation, sex or feelings about things? Post them here. Here's one I had not long ago. ----- Guy Friend:One thing that I could not understand about going out with / marrying a smae sex partner. Is, would you not think that you would miss sex at all? === Me: trying not to stifle laughter and find a supportive answer Well... It is possible to have sex with two people of the same sex. Friend says: I realize that, however it is not the same. Me: thinking: You're right. It's so damn better!! Well... I get asked this alot. goes to explain it __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

23rd Oct 2009, 04:18 AM	#2
xballetxbeautyx Heterodox Homosexual Full Member Gender: (.)(.) Orientation: Kinsey 5? Ish? Out Status: If you don't know, where have you been all my life Location: Midwest USA Age: 17 Posts: 1,719 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: Funny convos! Haha! I've been asked pretty much the same thing. The girl said, "So how do lesbians have sex? Do you just sort of like awkward grinding pelvic thrust complete with sound effects?" Then after I got done explaining that one, she continued with, "Are you the boy or the girl in the relationship? Cause if it was me, I would want to be the boy. I'd just wanna be all dominant and like 'Take it, bitch!'" My face was about this color. but looking back it was hilarious. __________________ I can't go to Pigfarts! IT'S ON MARS. You need a rocketship! Do you have a rocketship, Potter? Look at this - it's Rocketship Potter! Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!

23rd Oct 2009, 09:43 AM	#3
kramer362 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: western new york Age: 26 Posts: 400 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Funny convos! Just last night actually, with my roommates/landlords, a married couple and 2 of my closest friends (it's not as weird as I expected living with a married couple... YET). We'll call them "John" and "Jill". This is kinda graphic... After hearing them have sex the other day, we were discussing that it shouldn't be awkward since we live together. John even goes on to tell me he hopes he can catch ME having sex... (what straight guy wants to catch 2 dudes fucking?) Well he says how I should feel comfortable talking about shitting pissing and fucking, etc. Jill goes on to tell me that when I have sex to make sure to practice foreplay because the last time her and John had anal she bled... too much info?, lol. Then follows.. John: Kramer, be honest, have you ever stuck your finger up your ass to try to stimulate the prostate? Me: Uhhhh John: Be honest, cause I'll admit I've had Jill stuck her finger up my ass before when we're having sex. I've tried it myself when I jerk off too.. Me: Haha well I tried it before but it didn't do anything for me. John: Yeah, same here... 'John' is more comfortable with my gayness than I am I think.

23rd Oct 2009, 10:09 AM	#4
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Funny convos! Well, I was sitting next to my best friend at the Pink concert, waiting for the opening band to come on, and we had a discussion that went like this: Best friend: See, I like Pink. She has a voice I can respect. It's powerful. A lot of women singers have these high wispy voices and I just can't get into that. Me: I kind of like that, though! It's sorta etherial. But, y'know, most of the singers I listen to are women, come to think of it. Best friend: That's because you're a lesbian. Me: ... Yeah, it probably is. __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians)

23rd Oct 2009, 10:59 AM	#5
ethelred Well Known Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 23 Posts: 217 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Funny convos! Yeah, ^John is definitely a-okay with his sexuality. On the subject of "ridiculously ignorant sex questions," my sister had a run in with one of those: Oblivious Guy (OG): I don't get gay people... Sister: What!? (appropriate reaction at the very liberal school she went to) OG: Well, you know...(he gestures with his two pointer fingers, poking the tips together to highlight the fact that they don't fit together) Sis: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Then there's the one with my roommate: Roomie:So wait, if we're gay...does that mean we get to use the word 'faggot'? Me:I guess so. Why would you want to? Roomie:Well, ignoring the offensive part, I think it is a really great sounding word: faggot (he says it with relish). Me:You know, you're right, it does sound awesome. Has a lot of power to it.

23rd Oct 2009, 03:47 PM	#7
jazzrawr Lover of Loony Lovegood Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesimbean Out Status: I scream it from rooftops Location: Ontario, Canada. Age: 19 Posts: 3,391 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Funny convos! Oh, ALL the time. I literally make allusions and jokes about my gayness every other minute. I get a lot of people asking questions too, too many conversations that I couldn't even begin to think of one single convo. XD Most of the conversations go something like: Friend: So we couldn't do it, because he ran out of condoms. And I am NOT getting pregnant. Me: I, personally, don't have that problem. gloats Friend: ...screw off. Me: And I can have sex in a change room. Nobody would suspect two girls going into a change room together. Friend: ...YOU SUCK. Me: Not that I'm bragging, but...become a lesbian. __________________ <3 You can love people so much... But you can never love someone as much as you can miss them. (...and the lesbians.)

23rd Oct 2009, 04:24 PM	#8
Jiggles Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Funny convos! Yeh lol first person I came out to lol. Me: so err yeh im gay. Him: Really... are you sure? Me: Err YES! Him: Are you pulling my leg? Me: No I'm pulling on your cock... Him: ... Yeh then he went into the standard questions lol

23rd Oct 2009, 05:14 PM	#9
NickT Mr. Grammar Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Kentucky Posts: 985 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Funny convos! My friend, who recently got a slab of rose quartz that was very sharp, apparently played with it the night before this convo happened and accidentally cut his shoulder. Hilarity ensues the next day. Let's call him Bob Me: Sighs after hearing this Bob, please tell me you disinfected it. Bob: I did, don't worry. Me: Being my usual doctory self Let me see it. Bob: Uh...no. Me: For crying out loud, I'm just gonna see it not touch it. Bob: ...stares Me: Don't be such a baby, you know I worry about these things. Now let me see it. Bob: Keeps staring Me: What's the problem? Bob: Nick. You're gay. I don't want you telling me "I'm just gonna look not touch." I laughed so hard, 'cause usually I'm the one with the guttermind. __________________ Gay Pride!

23rd Oct 2009, 06:02 PM	#11
ethelred Well Known Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 23 Posts: 217 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Funny convos! Pure awesome.

23rd Oct 2009, 09:41 PM	#12
George Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,387 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Funny convos! Greg: Shushy face, the guy is beautiful and therefore is good. Stuie: Hahahah I like the bit where he pulls out the glue gun.

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