gay or straight

[NYundergrad]

One of the reasons people find it hard as well as myself to admit to liking guys is because of the false stereotypes that come along with it. Most people think that all bisexual or gay people are to be really feminine and dance in the street flaunting themselves. If people want to get in the streets and do that I think its great, but not all of us do. I would say that I like and am more of a straight acting guy. Why can't it just be gay and not straight acting guy. We need to reform the definition of what it means to be anything but straight. What else do you all think?

[haelmarie]

I think the moment we start we creating sexual and gender-based hierarchies, we're no better than popular culture.

In other words, just do what feels good and don't worry about what people think.

[Pseudojim]

well it's not just the fact that people have false stereotypes that bothers me, it's also the fact that many people deny that i exist.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biphobia

I think i'm straight acting but i'm apparently noticably different, i've been accused of being gay many many times. i got sick of it (not because i have a problem with gay people, but because it's simply not true of me), which is one of the reasons i decided to just be who i am and anyone who has a problem with it be damned.

[Rosina]

What?! You mean you lot don't always dance and sing in the streets? What a let down! At least tell me you have lisps right? Right? Oh... *leaves EC*

Though in all seriousness, why have this definition? Life would be so dull being just black and white, straight and gay... And that's why it doesn't exist, because we're all unique and made up of a small dollop of the many thousands of traits that are found in humanity. True, life would be so much easier with things being one or the other, but at the end of the day, where's the fun in that? Life's meant for living, not just for surviving We live and learn, we'll have great days, we'll have shit days and then we'll just have days that were alright. Life can be a bitch, but let that get to you

[s5m1]

This is a very common felling that many of us shared as we came out to ourselves – I know I felt that way. Being gay does not mean anything more than you are attracted to someone of the same sex. Most of the gay guys I know look and act like straight guys, not because they are trying to act straight but that is just who they are. We don’t have to act feminine if that is not who we are. Likewise, of someone is more effeminate, good for them. Being gay is just another attribute of who you are, like your height, weight, hair color, etc. My boyfriend and I spent Sunday drinking beer, eating chicken wings and watching football. We did this not because we are trying to act straight (we are clearly a couple), but that is just what we wanted to do.

Try not to get hung up on preconceived ideas of what being gay is. Just be yourself. If you find yourself enjoying looking at a hot guy, go for it and don’t feel guilty. This is the perfect time in your life to explore who you really are.

[NYundergrad]

I agree with many of you, I need to reframe what I said. people who are gay/ Bisexual shouldn't be purely thought of as feminine, they are normal people that act like everyone else and aren't characterized by a few verbs. I believe that its good to not care what other people think, but it gets to a point where you need to think about it because if your not questioning what other people think about you then social standards stay in place like don't ask don't tell, and disallowance of same sex marriage

[carrie90]

Well I had no desire to wear plaid or shave my hair really short when I accepted I was a Lesbian so according to the media I'm failing at being homosexual

People want simple characters in media take Jack from Will and Grace or Elle woods from Legally Blonde they are all sterotypical characters that we have seen over and over again but they work and are marketable to a wider audience

Most people don't want complex gay men who act straight living normal lives like most do they want a high pitched prancing queen that worships Madonna and Cher (No offence to anyone my best friend's a flamboyant queen who is obssesed with Judy Garland) and I myself fall for it since Will and Grace is my all time favourite show. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there will always be stereotypes and we can't change how the world views us we just have to try and show them we are all different and individual

eh, generally speaking, the people that are telling you that you don't exist, or that you're not what you say are either misinformed, or just stupid. you can either tell them they're wrong and they'll believe you, or they wont believe you, in which case, who needs them? they're stupid remember?

i'm personally one of those rare 100% gay guys, but everyone is always surprised when i tell them, and i know a guy in my university's PRIDE club that i couldnt even figure out until he said that he liked the movie Jumper because hayden christiensen is hot.

i say fight the battles worth fighting. there's no way to solidly resolve this issue. think of it like any other stereotype, asians are good at math and bad at driving, black people are in gangs, indians run convenience stores, and mexicans only do good work in gardens. they're wrong, but how often is the vast majority of people ever right about anything?

[Nitro]

One of the biggest hinderances to the advancement of queer rights and social acceptance has been our relative invisibility. In the shadows we can be "those people over there, not like us". Living honestly and authentically to how we are made, within reason of safety, will erode the archaic prejudices, time claiming the rest of their ranks by natural causes.

A note:

I would say that I like and am more of a straight acting guy.

How does a man act straight? Can you do your best straight impression for me? All silliness aside, this turn of phrase does reinforce negative stereotypes about gays. It is a common feeling to come across in identity synthesis though, so it is easy to relate. You might enjoy reading through some of the threads on stereotypes or those on the pride parades.

[ColdSnap]

Originally Posted by paco

eh, generally speaking, the people that are telling you that you don't exist, or that you're not what you say are either misinformed, or just stupid. you can either tell them they're wrong and they'll believe you, or they wont believe you, in which case, who needs them? they're stupid remember?

i'm personally one of those rare 100% gay guys, but everyone is always surprised when i tell them, and i know a guy in my university's PRIDE club that i couldnt even figure out until he said that he liked the movie Jumper because hayden christiensen is hot.

i say fight the battles worth fighting. there's no way to solidly resolve this issue. think of it like any other stereotype, asians are good at math and bad at driving, black people are in gangs, indians run convenience stores, and mexicans only do good work in gardens. they're wrong, but how often is the vast majority of people ever right about anything?

trivial aside but that movie is allll about jamie bell *drools*

Well, if we are going to classify ourselves into stereotypes I will go with mostly straight, with the exception of my music (Lady Gaga, Britney, Beyonce...) and not being overly into sports. But honestly, I just act like myself...I'm happy with who I am and I don't need my identity as a person to be guided by stereotypes. If I fall out of or into stereotypes, then that is just a coincidence.

[Greggers]

Originally Posted by NYundergrad

One of the reasons people find it hard as well as myself to admit to liking guys is because of the false stereotypes that come along with it. Most people think that all bisexual or gay people are to be really feminine and dance in the street flaunting themselves. If people want to get in the streets and do that I think its great, but not all of us do. I would say that I like and am more of a straight acting guy. Why can't it just be gay and not straight acting guy. We need to reform the definition of what it means to be anything but straight. What else do you all think?

Bolded. To give you 's and thank you for adding that one little line. So many people take the opposite view, and think all gay people should be masculine or whatever the word you want to use. We fight for the rights of all people in our community, not just the ones that we think society will accept more or the people that we understand. Everyone means everyone. That means not criticizing the masculine gay's for not being "gay enough" and not criticizing the feminine gay's for being "too gay" and not criticizing the ones in the middle for not picking a side. It takes all colors to make a rainbow.

[starfish]

I hate the term straight acting. For 2 reasons. First it implies a facade. Secondly and most importantly it implies that our sexual orientation should dictate our personality.

I also don't like terms and stereotypes for gay guys and girls.

We are who we are. Doesn't matter what gender we are and what gender we like. Just be your self.

[LostLurker]

'Straight Acting' is pejorative, in my opinion. At best, it's a compliment on acting ability, and at worst it's derision. If that's who you are, without pretense, then it's just another form of prejudice.

[Pseudojim]

Originally Posted by LostLurker

'Straight Acting' is pejorative, in my opinion. At best, it's a compliment on acting ability, and at worst it's derision. If that's who you are, without pretense, then it's just another form of prejudice.

when i describe myself as acting relatively straight in my view, i'm talking about my natural demeanour, not a façade. Apparently i give off vibes though, lots of people think i am gay for some reason.

[LostLurker]

Sorry, I should clarify. The instances where it bothers me is when people refers to others as such. If you use it on yourself, then it's not my place to judge anyways. x.x

[Greggers]

Originally Posted by Pseudojim

when i describe myself as acting relatively straight in my view, i'm talking about my natural demeanour, not a façade. Apparently i give off vibes though, lots of people think i am gay for some reason.

There is still the problem: You assume too much by saying "straight acting", even if you dont intend to, as im sure you dont.

It assumes that all heterosexual men are masculine, because thats clearly what one means by "straight acting". This is very false, as many heterosexual men are very gender neutral or feminine acting ("metrosexual" in slang)

It also assumes, like LostLurker said, that your putting on an "act". This, like Pseudojim said, is not always true. Many people don't "act" masculine, they are masculine.

I dont even think masculine is a very proper way to state it either, but i really cant think of anything else. With the word "masculine" we get into the debate over "what makes a man?". I am just as much of a man as anyone else in my eyes, even though i have many "feminine" or gender neutral feelings/qualities.