Gaydar.. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

RaeofLite · 11th Nov 2009, 11:50 PM

OK, I don't ooze gay. Sure I could "seem gay" if you happen to catch me talking about exs or checking out a chick... But seriously, when I cut my hair this summer, peoplc ould really tell. It wasn't short and spiky short, but it was... short enough, yet feminine when I wanted it to be as well using wax etc.

That's what I basically used to help peek people's gaydars and get recognized as a fellow lesbian to the other ladies.

Now my hair covers my ears, and I basically have a longish Katie Holmes bob. I dress all over the spectrum so depending on what I'm wearing, I can appear straight (aside from the eyes that wander to the ladies). ><

My worry is... that I won't "seem gay enough" to the fellow gays on the street or be recognized anymore. That and it's annoying when guys try to pick you up at bars. (We don't have gay bars where I live)

I obviously am gay... but hair was a big thing for me). But it's winter and it gets pretty cold here so I want something to still cover the ears.

Is there any other way I could work on "oozing gay" lol, without going totally butch?

And are there others with this problem?

guacj · 12th Nov 2009, 12:02 AM

Rainbows usually work! Dressing butch-like would be the best thing to do probably when you go out and want to pick someone up.

Emberstone · 12th Nov 2009, 12:06 AM

I have often considered if I should cut my hair short and style it, and save up and eat ramen so I can get some nicer, more gay stereotypcal clothing...but unfortunatly, metrosexuality has blurred the lines so much that I dont know if it would help... plus... I cant be bothered to style my hair.

Hard to send signals when the hip thing for guys seems to look like the stereotypical gay guy.

12th Nov 2009, 12:13 AM

i used to have that problem a little more than i do now, its pretty uncommon to find a gay surfer, let alone a gay surfer going to a catholic school.

but i've been trying to dress a little more trendy without giving up my own style and i've been wearing rainbow wrist bands (yes, more than one) so its a little more obvious now. but i still think that most people have found out because i tell them, talk about guys, or because i'm in a GLBT club on campus.

AtomicCafe · 12th Nov 2009, 05:30 AM

Dressing butch isn't always great when picking girls up! My gaydar, for example, is pretty good and I can pick out most girls, and I love girly-girls. Your best bet with me, at least, would be dressing like in your avatar. xD

Anyway, I use rainbows and gay pride buttons on my bags. Have a gay pride bracelet that I always wear. Some people have found cute earrings with rainbows or female symbols. Smile at the ladies all the time!

**Maddy** · 12th Nov 2009, 05:38 AM

I tend to wear a rainbow wristband or something if I want to get the message across. Some people seem to pick me up as being gay instantly and others have no idea until I tell them, it's kind of weird, but rainbows are always pretty good indicators - they've tipped a couple of people off about me before.

Emberstone · 12th Nov 2009, 09:03 AM

I would try to rainbow wristbands, but are they like the livestrong bands? Those rubber ones dont come in a size large enough to fit over my hands, since I have large hands.

SpinachWrap · 14th Nov 2009, 03:46 PM

Rainbows are a good idea. I'm struggling with this as well. Non-femme queer guys, and non-butch queer girls always have this problem. I'm generally pretty lazy/poor when it comes to my physical appearance. Though I've been trying to change that lately. Unfortunately, the poor part of it, is still several weeks away from being rectified. what AtomicCafe said about smiling at the ladies is also a good idea. I have a strict policy of smiling at cute boys. Hasn't got me a boyfriend yet, but it's done wonders for my confidence.

RaeofLite · 14th Nov 2009, 04:04 PM

Argh. I went to a club last night and was hit on about five males but had to turn them down. Jee I wish every single one of them was female and that our area had at least one gay bar...

I wore my rainbow belt but it wasn't very visible since I'm not the tallest (or shortest) female there. :P *sigh*

Wrist bands... I know. I'll need to seek them out or make them..

Gaetan · 14th Nov 2009, 04:13 PM

I need to find a rainbow pin. If I wasn't graduating in December, I would so start wearing one on my bag next semester.

AtomicCafe · 14th Nov 2009, 06:01 PM

Emberstone -- I've found TONS of gay pride bracelets and such. Right now, I have one from I'm Tired Of, which has "I'm Tired of AIDS" on it. Don't say I'm gay necessarily, but most people understand the connotation. Those come in big sizes, too; I have big hands for a girl, but even the women's size is falling off my wrist. Other than those and gel bracelets, I've seen a number of professional jewelry options, sort of like wedding rings and really pretty bracelets. Usually geared towards women, but my male friend has a really beautiful one that doesn't look bad on him. (And he's a big, buff guy, haha.) Otherwise, check out necklaces or rings -- I've been dying to get a gay pride necklace.

JB1986 · 14th Nov 2009, 10:13 PM

I wear a rainbow pride rubber bracelet. For two reasons really, first to show I'm proud of who I am, and second maybe a guy will notice it and be like "Oh he's gay too! Let's get coffee."

I have a pride dog tag too, but I don't wear that as often. It kinda gets in the way when I'm at work doing stock or something.

adam88 · 15th Nov 2009, 10:22 AM

Well, some people have working gaydar and others don't. My gaydar is broken. As in, completely and irrecoverably. You could be wearing a shirt that says "I am gay" and I'd still have no clue until you told me. I like to think it's because I'm just open-minded and easy-going or something -- I've never really cared about what people's orientation was in the past.

Most people don't have my problem, thankfully for them. I'd think a rainbow bracelet is pretty obvious enough.

Katherine · 15th Nov 2009, 10:37 AM

Haha, I don't really know about me.

Some things about me scream gay. I have crazy short hair, and I like to dress in pretty androgynous clothes. And I have a rainbow keychain on my purse and wear a rainbow watch.

Other than that, though, my personality's really pretty feminine, haha. I squeal a lot, babble on about how cute things are, love flowers, and am very emotional and (overly?) sympathetic about everything. And I end up dressing femininely (I don't think that's a word

) more often than I'd like to, just because I don't have the money to buy a bunch of new clothes all the time and can still fit in stuff I used to wear when I was like 13. Unless someone actually heard me talking about hot girls, my personality alone probably wouldn't seem gay at all.

Unfortunately, here in the deep south where everyone's assumed to be straight, it's difficult to get the message across when you WANT people to know. I plan to make a pride bracelet one of these days (I can't exactly buy one...I have REALLY tiny wrists that would probably be way too small for anything you could buy). But even then I don't know if it would be a good enough hint. People around here are pretty oblivious, haha.

Ty · 15th Nov 2009, 10:44 AM

It's all in the wrist.

Z3ni · 15th Nov 2009, 10:57 AM

Rainbow all the way I'd say.

SpinachWrap · 15th Nov 2009, 11:13 AM

*seeks out rainbow bracelet*

RaeofLite · 15th Nov 2009, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpinachWrap

*seeks out rainbow bracelet*

*joins him on a window/mall shopping tour*

Absentminded · 15th Nov 2009, 03:09 PM

*hands out loads and loads of rainbow bracelets and wristbands*

15th Nov 2009, 03:13 PM

I wear a rainbow thumb ring every day. Not that I really need to, though, because I'm not very subtle in the first place.

11th Nov 2009, 11:50 PM	#1
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Gaydar.. OK, I don't ooze gay. Sure I could "seem gay" if you happen to catch me talking about exs or checking out a chick... But seriously, when I cut my hair this summer, peoplc ould really tell. It wasn't short and spiky short, but it was... short enough, yet feminine when I wanted it to be as well using wax etc. That's what I basically used to help peek people's gaydars and get recognized as a fellow lesbian to the other ladies. Now my hair covers my ears, and I basically have a longish Katie Holmes bob. I dress all over the spectrum so depending on what I'm wearing, I can appear straight (aside from the eyes that wander to the ladies). >< My worry is... that I won't "seem gay enough" to the fellow gays on the street or be recognized anymore. That and it's annoying when guys try to pick you up at bars. (We don't have gay bars where I live) I obviously am gay... but hair was a big thing for me). But it's winter and it gets pretty cold here so I want something to still cover the ears. Is there any other way I could work on "oozing gay" lol, without going totally butch? And are there others with this problem? __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

12th Nov 2009, 12:02 AM	#2
guacj My favorite color is Rainbow! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Friends and immediate family Location: Ohio Age: 25 Posts: 150 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Rainbows usually work! Dressing butch-like would be the best thing to do probably when you go out and want to pick someone up.

12th Nov 2009, 12:06 AM	#3
Emberstone Flappychap Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon, USA Age: 28 Posts: 5,587 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Gaydar.. I have often considered if I should cut my hair short and style it, and save up and eat ramen so I can get some nicer, more gay stereotypcal clothing...but unfortunatly, metrosexuality has blurred the lines so much that I dont know if it would help... plus... I cant be bothered to style my hair. Hard to send signals when the hip thing for guys seems to look like the stereotypical gay guy.

12th Nov 2009, 12:13 AM	#4
paco Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Gaydar.. i used to have that problem a little more than i do now, its pretty uncommon to find a gay surfer, let alone a gay surfer going to a catholic school. but i've been trying to dress a little more trendy without giving up my own style and i've been wearing rainbow wrist bands (yes, more than one) so its a little more obvious now. but i still think that most people have found out because i tell them, talk about guys, or because i'm in a GLBT club on campus.

12th Nov 2009, 05:30 AM	#5
AtomicCafe Gay by Day, Dyke by Night Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Asexual Lesbian Out Status: Out, Loud, and Proud Location: Tucson, AZ Age: 19 Posts: 208 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Dressing butch isn't always great when picking girls up! My gaydar, for example, is pretty good and I can pick out most girls, and I love girly-girls. Your best bet with me, at least, would be dressing like in your avatar. xD Anyway, I use rainbows and gay pride buttons on my bags. Have a gay pride bracelet that I always wear. Some people have found cute earrings with rainbows or female symbols. Smile at the ladies all the time! __________________ That child has several options: staying in the closet, suicide. And then one day, that child might open up the paper and it says, "Homosexual Elected in San Francisco." - Harvey Milk

12th Nov 2009, 05:38 AM	#6
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: Gaydar.. I tend to wear a rainbow wristband or something if I want to get the message across. Some people seem to pick me up as being gay instantly and others have no idea until I tell them, it's kind of weird, but rainbows are always pretty good indicators - they've tipped a couple of people off about me before. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

12th Nov 2009, 09:03 AM	#7
Emberstone Flappychap Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon, USA Age: 28 Posts: 5,587 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Gaydar.. I would try to rainbow wristbands, but are they like the livestrong bands? Those rubber ones dont come in a size large enough to fit over my hands, since I have large hands.

14th Nov 2009, 03:46 PM	#8
SpinachWrap that queer poet with the hat Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Queer Posts: 79 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Rainbows are a good idea. I'm struggling with this as well. Non-femme queer guys, and non-butch queer girls always have this problem. I'm generally pretty lazy/poor when it comes to my physical appearance. Though I've been trying to change that lately. Unfortunately, the poor part of it, is still several weeks away from being rectified. what AtomicCafe said about smiling at the ladies is also a good idea. I have a strict policy of smiling at cute boys. Hasn't got me a boyfriend yet, but it's done wonders for my confidence.

14th Nov 2009, 04:04 PM	#9
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Argh. I went to a club last night and was hit on about five males but had to turn them down. Jee I wish every single one of them was female and that our area had at least one gay bar... I wore my rainbow belt but it wasn't very visible since I'm not the tallest (or shortest) female there. :P sigh Wrist bands... I know. I'll need to seek them out or make them.. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

14th Nov 2009, 04:13 PM	#10
Gaetan DON'T TOUCH THE HAT! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Immediate Family and Friends Location: Idaho, USA Age: 25 Posts: 1,098 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Gaydar.. I need to find a rainbow pin. If I wasn't graduating in December, I would so start wearing one on my bag next semester. __________________ Those who say it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the people doing it.

14th Nov 2009, 06:01 PM	#11
AtomicCafe Gay by Day, Dyke by Night Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Asexual Lesbian Out Status: Out, Loud, and Proud Location: Tucson, AZ Age: 19 Posts: 208 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Emberstone -- I've found TONS of gay pride bracelets and such. Right now, I have one from I'm Tired Of, which has "I'm Tired of AIDS" on it. Don't say I'm gay necessarily, but most people understand the connotation. Those come in big sizes, too; I have big hands for a girl, but even the women's size is falling off my wrist. Other than those and gel bracelets, I've seen a number of professional jewelry options, sort of like wedding rings and really pretty bracelets. Usually geared towards women, but my male friend has a really beautiful one that doesn't look bad on him. (And he's a big, buff guy, haha.) Otherwise, check out necklaces or rings -- I've been dying to get a gay pride necklace. __________________ That child has several options: staying in the closet, suicide. And then one day, that child might open up the paper and it says, "Homosexual Elected in San Francisco." - Harvey Milk

15th Nov 2009, 10:22 AM	#13
adam88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual. Or bi. Same thing. Out Status: Yes. Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 30 Posts: 797 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Well, some people have working gaydar and others don't. My gaydar is broken. As in, completely and irrecoverably. You could be wearing a shirt that says "I am gay" and I'd still have no clue until you told me. I like to think it's because I'm just open-minded and easy-going or something -- I've never really cared about what people's orientation was in the past. Most people don't have my problem, thankfully for them. I'd think a rainbow bracelet is pretty obvious enough.

15th Nov 2009, 10:37 AM	#14
Katherine Professional Cuddler Full Member Gender: 75% female Orientation: 110% gay Out Status: 98% out Location: The land of rednecks and pine trees (Georgia) Age: 19 Posts: 1,745 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Gaydar.. Haha, I don't really know about me. Some things about me scream gay. I have crazy short hair, and I like to dress in pretty androgynous clothes. And I have a rainbow keychain on my purse and wear a rainbow watch. Other than that, though, my personality's really pretty feminine, haha. I squeal a lot, babble on about how cute things are, love flowers, and am very emotional and (overly?) sympathetic about everything. And I end up dressing femininely (I don't think that's a word ) more often than I'd like to, just because I don't have the money to buy a bunch of new clothes all the time and can still fit in stuff I used to wear when I was like 13. Unless someone actually heard me talking about hot girls, my personality alone probably wouldn't seem gay at all. Unfortunately, here in the deep south where everyone's assumed to be straight, it's difficult to get the message across when you WANT people to know. I plan to make a pride bracelet one of these days (I can't exactly buy one...I have REALLY tiny wrists that would probably be way too small for anything you could buy). But even then I don't know if it would be a good enough hint. People around here are pretty oblivious, haha. __________________ Overly emotional five-foot-tall vegetarian gamer girl who procrastinates way too much. Loves food, art, cats, and making people smile.

15th Nov 2009, 10:44 AM	#15
Ty Mints ribbed for her pleasure Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oxford, t'South, UK Age: 19 Posts: 305 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Gaydar.. It's all in the wrist. __________________ Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

15th Nov 2009, 10:57 AM	#16
Z3ni Ec's ADD Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gayish Out Status: My Twin Location: England, Manchester Posts: 3,080 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Gaydar.. Rainbow all the way I'd say. __________________ Through pain, lies success.

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15th Nov 2009, 11:13 AM	#17
SpinachWrap that queer poet with the hat Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Queer Posts: 79 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: Gaydar.. seeks out rainbow bracelet

15th Nov 2009, 03:09 PM	#19
Absentminded EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: I'm a ladies kind of guy ;) Out Status: I flirt in public. Take a guess ;) Location: Vermont Age: 19 Posts: 546 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Gaydar.. hands out loads and loads of rainbow bracelets and wristbands

15th Nov 2009, 03:13 PM	#20
Drizzt DoUrden Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Gaydar.. I wear a rainbow thumb ring every day. Not that I really need to, though, because I'm not very subtle in the first place.