Bisexuality in marriage.

[RaeofLite]

Can it work? I don't know. I'm not bisexual.

I have a friend who told me the other day that she wants to marry a man, but feels like she might also crave having a gf and being sensual with a female on a regular basis. I don't know what this feels like really but it made me bite my tongue a bit. Not all bisexuals are like this I'm sure, but some are and hey, it's your life that's cool with me. But my thing is... you can't really have a three way marriage, can you? Won't someone always be left out?

I told her that she'd probably have to find a bisexual female because most gay women (from my experience) wouldn't like the guy factor in there and if the guy wanted "both action" then he couldn't have it. She argued that he'd be able to watch, but I shrugged it off. I personally don't think that would be feasible.

What do you guys think about this topic?

[littledinosaurs]

Go Watch Vicky Christina Barcelona! Such a good movie

and I think that it would be harder to have a three way marriage, but I'm sure that some people can and do pull it off. I think you would have to go into a relationship with them knowing about that possibility rather than bringing it up one day.

But I don't think it's for me.

[Shevanel]

You mean a three way relationship? I dunno, that is something I'm definitely not interested in. And if it could work, I don't see why it would work for only Bisexuals.

[Chip]

It's unusual, but there can definitely be polyamorous relationships that can be longlasting (though they would not legal as marriages.) It takes a special kind of person, but I've read of a number of cases where it does work very well and all parties are very happy.

There was a somewhat obscure movie, years ago, that explored this in a rather delicate and graceful way. It was called "Willie and Phil." I don't know if it's available anywhere but if so, might be worth checking out.

[Pseudojim]

Can it work? I don't know. I'm not bisexual.

the short answer is yes... it sounds like your friend might be more into women than men though.

[Emberstone]

That was something I always wondered about bisexuality.

I think in part it is because in western thought, a marriage is between two people, so that is a societal norm that is deeply ingrained. but if you are attracted to both, how would you choose between the genders?

[littledinosaurs]

Originally Posted by Emberstone

That was something I always wondered about bisexuality.

I think in part it is because in western thought, a marriage is between two people, so that is a societal norm that is deeply ingrained. but if you are attracted to both, how would you choose between the genders?

It's not like bisexuals are missing something when they are with one gender. I feel like everyone thinks that there is this huge difference between the genders and that we need both when it's not like that at all. It's an attraction. If you are attracted to blonds and gingers it's not like if you marry a blond you'll spend the rest of your life thinking about gingers and wishing you could still hook up with one.

Originally Posted by SurferDude420

I don't see why it would work for only Bisexuals.

Also, so true!! They only three ways I've been invited to were all m/m/m. Why do we assume that a polyamourous relationship must involve bisexuals? break the stereotypes people!

[Absentminded]

It can work, but I believe it's a very delicate matter.
I had a neighbour who shot himself because his wife was openly bisexual, but she cheated on him with another woman. the other woman came between the two of them, and said things that made him go to such extremes.

There are such things as 'open' marriages. Sometimes it's in the form of swingers, and sometimes it's simply like a regular open relationship (if that makes sense).
I think that it's something that should certainly be talked over between couples before it goes any further, and it should only go further if both people are comfortable with it, and if there are boundaries.

[Greggers]

I think three ways often involve two people who are attracted to each other and then a third that only one of the original two are attracted to. Its something to spice things up, experiment, ect.

I think a marriage with three people (that is NOT a mormon having multiples wives as property) needs to include some level of all three of them being attracted to each other, aka on some level bisexual. I dont see how it would last if two people in this three way union are not attracted to each other.

[littledinosaurs]

Originally Posted by Greggers

I think three ways often involve two people who are attracted to each other and then a third that only one of the original two are attracted to. Its something to spice things up, experiment, ect.

I think a marriage with three people (that is NOT a mormon having multiples wives as property) needs to include some level of all three of them being attracted to each other, aka on some level bisexual. I dont see how it would last if two people in this three way union are not attracted to each other.

Becareful!:
-Mormonism doesn't embrace polygamy anymore.
-Again three ways happen with people of the same sex/gender all the time!

[Greggers]

Originally Posted by littledinosaurs

Becareful!:
-Mormonism doesn't embrace polygamy anymore.
-Again three ways happen with people of the same sex/gender all the time!

threesomes was just a point i was making; they dont really require a shared attraction. Getting married to someone however i feel (maybe its just me?) you should be attracted to said people in the marriage. (and though the LDS does not embrace polygamy anymore, many of the mormon churches that split off and become what we know as the crazy-ass cults do the women as property thing still.)

[Schu]

Speaking personally, bisexuality doesn't mean I have x desire for men and y desire for women, and when I have my desire for one satisfied, I crave the other like mad. It doesn't work like that for me

It's more like I am attracted to x amount of men and y amount of women and if I find the right person of either gender, they can satisfy me. I might miss one or the other gender, because variety is always a good thing, but it won't be a big deal.

But also, I am one of the opinion that polyamory can work with the right people. It just doesn't happen often because out of the few people that try it, most of them do it badly - you need great communication skills even for an open relationship, and polyamory even moreso, and you need good control over your emotions, specifically jealousy. I personally think it's a prerequisite that everyone in a polyamorous relationship not only like each other but are attracted to each other too (unlike the polygynous marriages, with one straight guy married to many straight women - frankly I find that situation unhealthy), but I'm sure some people have made it work without that.

[adam88]

If you are into women and marry one, will you still lust after/sleep with other women?

Bisexuality and monagamy are quite separate concepts and can go well together. Of course, how this affects you depends quite a bit on the gender of your partner and which way you lean.

And besides, if you can't be with a person exclusively, you probably shouldn't marry them in the first place.

[Schu]

Yeah, it's quite funny how people seem to think bisexuality implies two seperate desires, and satisfying one leaves the other still unsatisfied. All it means is that the people you are attracted to are not confined to one gender.

I think the reason for this is that the kind of people where sex gets in front of everything else are more likely to be bisexual, rather than the other way around.

[Shevanel]

Originally Posted by Schu

I think the reason for this is that the kind of people where sex gets in front of everything else are more likely to be bisexual, rather than the other way around.

Just saying, but I wouldn't agree with this. I don't think sexuality can be tied to a person's sexual priorities. But thats just me.

[Schu]

Originally Posted by SurferDude420

Just saying, but I wouldn't agree with this. I don't think sexuality can be tied to a person's sexual priorities. But thats just me.

Well, I didn't make myself exactly clear. I think the kind of people that prioritise sex above everything else are more likely to experiment with everything, even if it's their non-preferred sex. So these kind of people are more likely than others to a) discover exactly how they feel about either gender by experiment and/or b) try things they wouldn't ordinarily try. Whereas people that don't prioritise sex so inordinately are much more likely to, say, have a repressed desire for one sex that they never act on or think about.

[Shevanel]

Originally Posted by Schu

Well, I didn't make myself exactly clear. I think the kind of people that prioritise sex above everything else are more likely to experiment with everything, even if it's their non-preferred sex. So these kind of people are more likely than others to a) discover exactly how they feel about either gender by experiment and/or b) try things they wouldn't ordinarily try. Whereas people that don't prioritise sex so inordinately are much more likely to, say, have a repressed desire for one sex that they never act on or think about.

That is a good point, but of course there are exceptions to that, right?

[Schu]

Exceptions to what? I'm not saying it's a rule, far from it - just a tendency, so naturally there are exceptions to a tendency.

[Shevanel]

Alrighty, just clarifying.

[Greggers]

Originally Posted by Schu

Well, I didn't make myself exactly clear. I think the kind of people that prioritise sex above everything else are more likely to experiment with everything, even if it's their non-preferred sex. So these kind of people are more likely than others to a) discover exactly how they feel about either gender by experiment and/or b) try things they wouldn't ordinarily try. Whereas people that don't prioritise sex so inordinately are much more likely to, say, have a repressed desire for one sex that they never act on or think about.

I actually never thought about that before, thats really interesting. I would definitely not be as willing to try sex with the other gender as some other people i know, and that could definitely stop me or delay me from finding out i was bisexual if i actually was bisexual.