Are we happier than heteros?

[RaeofLite]

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Gay-a...es-77094.shtml

Many people consider homosexuality as being deviant, but as far as happiness is concerned, homosexual couples seem to be happier than heterosexual couples. A study made by researchers at the University of Washington, San Diego State University and the University of Vermont, and published in "Developmental Psychology", focused on how sexual orientation and legal status impacted relationship quality.

The study was made on 65 male and 138 female homosexual couples with civil union, 23 male and 61 female homosexual couples with no civil union and 55 heterosexual married couples, over a three-year follow-up. One spouse of each heterosexual couple was a sibling to a partner of a civil union couple, and the couples were comparable in what concerns race/ethnicity and age.

The subjects completed questionnaires concerning their demographics, status of their relationship, number of children, sexual behavior, frequency of contact with their parents with and without their partners and perceived social support. Gay or lesbian subjects also stated their disclosure of their sexual orientation to their family, peers and work mates.

Homosexual couples appeared to be very similar to heterosexual couples on most couple variables, and the legal status of a relationship was not an important factor in homosexual relationships.

"This may be because those couples in Vermont who sought out the legal protection of a civil union might have legalized their relationship more for symbolic value than for commitment reasons, which did not affect their day-to-day interactions," said lead author Dr. Kimberly F. Balsam.

"However, the same sex-couples who were not in civil unions were more likely to have ended their relationships compared to those couples in same-sex civil unions or heterosexual marriages. This suggests that the protections afforded by a legalized relationship may impact same-sex relationships, something the study's authors plan to follow up on in future research," said Balsam.

Homosexual couples, no matter their civil union status, appeared to be more satisfied with their relationships than married heterosexual couples, reporting more positive feelings toward their partners and decreased conflict in comparison with heterosexual pairs. It seems that societal pressures and norms, besides the legal status as a couple, force heterosexual couples to remain together, even if unhappy.

"Alternatively, most long-term same-sex couples have to stay together by their own will and hard work since they don't have society's forces on their side," Balsam added.

What do you think? Are we happier than heteros, in regards to relationships and other factors?

[Greggers]

In some strange way, i think it is beneficial to have all the odds against us as LGBT people I know that in a relationship i would not be bound by any of the unwritten rules of soceity and culture. Things like "whats the man is supposed to do" and "what the women is supposed to do" and other things like that.

I also dont take things like Marriage for granted like heterosexual people might. Its not just a word to me, its really really important. Thats what happens when you take something away, you dont take it for granted anymore.

Also it just plain boils down to having to work harder at relationships when the entire world looks down on two guys or two girls falling in love.

[Camman3]

I know lots of people will disagree with me, but I believe that in many cases "we" are happier. This is because we have "fought" for our sexuality (I'm sure you all know what I mean) and so when two LGBTs really connect, they just have so much more in common. They have a headstart in relationships because they start with an understanding of what the other has had to go through already - and that's a common, shared feeling.

So we're able to bond easily...

It's very weird, but I learned which of the staff members at my school are gay/bi and I immediately felt more respect for them. I know this is very irresponsible and it's very scary to me to know that I can do that, but when you connect with someone and trust them - it's that feeling but amplified.

Oy... I feel so terrible at trying succintly to express what I want to say. I hope you all understand what I'm trying to say.

EDIT: Also, without "gender roles", I think a lot of pressure is taken off

And plus everything Greggers said hehe.

[Owen]

Pretty much like other people have said, because we have to fight for our relationships, we find more satisfaction in them. Heterosexual relationships can be started willy-nilly, but not only is the dating pool smaller for us (smaller chance of finding someone we connect with), but because society looks down on our relationships, we are pressured to not enter them. We have to overcome that to be successful in our relationships; all heterosexual couples need to overcome is themselves (I know that's a vast simplification and that heterosexual relationships can face difficulties in a lot of ways, but that's the only obstacle they are guaranteed.)

Originally Posted by Camman3

It's very weird, but I learned which of the staff members at my school are gay/bi and I immediately felt more respect for them. I know this is very irresponsible and it's very scary to me to know that I can do that, but when you connect with someone and trust them - it's that feeling but amplified.

That's not weird at all; at least, if it is, then I'm weird as well. (not an unreasonable conclusion, but I digress) The reasons you have described justify your feelings.

[Schu]

Slightly unrelatedly:

http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/...696796042.html

The gist of it is that people that engage in BDSM* are more in touch with their own sexuality, don't have too many repressed desires, and therefore are happier. I wouldn't be surprised if much the same applied to queer people.

*apparently women are exempt from this. This is a whole other, and much more complicated topic.

[partietraumatic]

i really dont think you can generalise atall here.

Maybe those who have completely accepted themselves are happier, but theres a hell of alot of people out there who are made very unhappy by their homosexuality methinks.

[frostreaver]

Originally Posted by partietraumatic

i really dont think you can generalise atall here.

Maybe those who have completely accepted themselves are happier, but theres a hell of alot of people out there who are made very unhappy by their homosexuality methinks.

True, but the study is about couples. And I would think that if you're not happy or accepting with your homosexuality, I doubt you'll be in a relationship.

Maybe it's just that we are naturally forced to examine ourselves and what we want from relationships more than straight people. There are no assumptions in our lives, because we've had to come to terms with wanting different things in a general sense. Straight people often get trapped in that inevitable life-cycle...you date someone because theyre there, you date them long enough you marry them...you never quite stop to search yourself and your wants/needs.

Maybe that's just a small town perspective, though. Everybody I went to high school with is unhappily married with unwanted kids >_>

[Emberstone]

I think in some regards we are more free. Doesnt mean we are more happy, as there are alot ofthings to be unhappy about unrelated to sexuality.

[kramer362]

Hmm I have to wonder though... if this were true, then say there comes a day where homosexuality and the ensuing relationships are completely normalized (as much as straight relationships), are homosexual couples going to be just as 'miserable' as heterosexual couples?

Once we are no longer marginalized, and we're deemed as worthy as straight people to the majority, we won't really share that bonding experience with other non-straight people nearly as much. Trauma and hardship, not being accepted, being disowned by family and friends- those things can bring people together. And we'll also have the societal expectations of staying together just for the sake of it placed on us, much like the article says that pressure is put on straight couples. Just sayin..

[Just Adam]

so... yea im not sure if its happier to be lgbt and im not sure anyones happier than another group as in teh end all jsut humans and all go through teh same problems jsut different variety of them.

[endless poetry]

well we are gayer than heteros

[ethelred]

I think that no matter what we do, we will still be marginalized, and that is because we aren't the majority. When I say marginalized, I mean the representation of sexuality in the media. No matter what, straight couples will prevail in our literature and television because most people are straight.

And that is fine. The thing is, if we are happier on average because there is an inherent shared experience, and that shared experience comes from the confusion of what we are implicitly told is normal and what feels normal, then no amount of equal rights will take that away because the norm is still straight. Even when we get to a point when no one cares if you are one way or the other, the complexity of those feelings and the isolation may still create an environment that makes our relationships precious.

[AtomicCafe]

I totally agree with the findings. I only actually know 3 gay couples, and they've been together between 10-40 years each. I consider all of those to be pretty lengthy relationships, especially considering their ages (between 30-60). They all seem to absolutely adore their partners. Meanwhile, the longest heterosexual relationship I've seen lasted less than 20 years, and both people described it as miserable. It's a big generalization, but just the fact that the couples I've met differ like this strikes me as significant.

Sometimes I think it has to do with not being able to marry. (At least for the couples I know -- I'm sure gay couples in Iowa are just as happy.) When there's nothing legally stopping you from leaving, commitment is solely up to the people involved.

[Bryan90]

Lol, the research had such a small sample size...

As for the question at hand... I think too that we can't generalize and it's a case by case basis.