Dude Mentality - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Étoile · 10th Dec 2009, 05:06 PM

When guys are separate, they act like themselves. When put together, they seem to transform into a different person and adopt a 'dude' mentality, you know what I mean? They do things and say things that seem out-of-character for them. This has been puzzling me for a while now. I can never tell if this is another side of them or a complete façade to fit in with the guys. I've never seen this happen with girls. They may get chattier and more excitable, but their real personality's still there. Has anyone else ever noticed this phenomenon?

Brandford · 10th Dec 2009, 05:08 PM

Oh you mean how an Intelligent and sweet person can turn into a complete idiot and jackass? I've noticed that alot and I still don't understand it. But I assume its so they can fit in.

IamAninja · 10th Dec 2009, 05:09 PM

Yes I have. I saw a guy at the movie theater with a bunch of his friends. He looked like the life of the party until all of his friends left. Once they were gone he became extremely timid looking.

Étoile · 10th Dec 2009, 05:13 PM

Exactly Brandford and IamAninja. It's like their friends are fuel for the Psycho Express.

**lostinthought9** · 10th Dec 2009, 05:15 PM

I agree, although this is by no means universal for all guys. Actually, I have a friend (girl) who kinda does that...

Just saying.

IamAninja · 10th Dec 2009, 05:15 PM

And those are the people everybody loves. Not the people who are, who they are all the time (like myself).

Brandford · 10th Dec 2009, 05:25 PM

I've even had friends like that, with me and the friend alone, hes sweet and intelligent and great to be around but if were in a group they always turn into idiots and act like assholes. This one friend actually made jokes about me a lot in school at the table and I never took it personally so when he asked to come over my house I said yes and we had the best time ever, one of the best days of my childhood. It doesn't really make any sense to me.

(He even turned out to be the boy that made me realize my sexuality)

Étoile · 10th Dec 2009, 05:31 PM

*sighs* The fickleness of the teenage brain.

Shevanel · 10th Dec 2009, 05:31 PM

I know what you mean by usage of the word "Dude", but I think Jackass is a more suitable term for this phenomenon. Because honestly, I'm sure the show Jackass influenced this behavior anyway.

Hoppip · 10th Dec 2009, 05:53 PM

This is actually my entire personality. Sometimes I feel like my unconscious, automatic mimicry of other people is something of a mutant power. I don't mean mimicking in a mocking sense, but in the modeling sense. If I see someone kicking a Bobo doll, I'll probably be standing behind them.

That kind of behavior also reminds me of the linguistic register—the change of speaking due to social circumstances. My whole body language's register changes depending on my situation.

And by using the first person, I actually mean everyone since everyone does this. Ahem. Bye?

Have a nice day, everyone. : D

^ I hope I don't sound like a pompous jerk, by the way. I really don't. I'm sorry if I come off like I'm God's gift to humanity because I'm far from it. I apologize if I'm being condescending, and I apologize for assuming that I sound condescending or something.

Shevanel · 10th Dec 2009, 06:46 PM

Yeah everyone definitely does this, just in different ways

Brandford · 10th Dec 2009, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SurferDude420

Yeah everyone definitely does this, just in different ways

I don't, only change in personality I ever make is at school I'm more serious than I am at home.

Shevanel · 10th Dec 2009, 06:58 PM

Its an subconscious thing ^

Greggers · 10th Dec 2009, 07:20 PM

I know a guy who is a painter, sweet guy and always helpful, but when he hangs out with his other guy friends he spends the entire time making disgusting sexual jokes, overplaying the "thats what she said" to the point it makes you want to strangle a kitty, and uses his cane he walks with to grab peoples privates from behind. He would very rarely if ever do these things if he was not around them.

TBH? I used to do it too. When i was closeted i would totally "jackass" up around other guys, because its what straight guys do. Most at least. You have to be *really* confidant in yourself to stand up and say "no" in these situations. Thats when the entire group turns on you. Ive seen it happen. The guy who sat alone at lunch every day in highschool and made friends with the teachers? He was the one who said "no".

When i came out however, i freely said "no" because honestly at that point why not

they all think you take it up the ass, why not tell them your not going to butch up when hanging out with them and become a total jackass?

Nodnarb · 10th Dec 2009, 07:20 PM

I notice this all the time. When people are in groups, it seems like they try hard to sort of 'fit in' with everybody else, and do or say what they think the group wants them to do. When it's more of a one-on-one situation, they will let their guard down and just be themselves.

10th Dec 2009, 08:02 PM

Definitely, I change when I'm around people. But not in the "dude" sort of way. I'll be more outgoing, more energetic, more carefree when I'm around good friends. I don't, however, change myself to fit in with them. It's just that... it feels good to be around them, and I show it.

I actually know a girl who fits this--she's a really nice person to be around when it's a relatively isolated setting, but around her friends she's kind of a preppy bitch.

mattypants · 10th Dec 2009, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SurferDude420

I know what you mean by usage of the word "Dude", but I think Jackass is a more suitable term for this phenomenon. Because honestly, I'm sure the show Jackass influenced this behavior anyway.

i think you mean the behaviour lead to jackass

and i definitely see the 'dude' phenomenon xD

joss22 · 10th Dec 2009, 08:42 PM

I know this guy who feeds off of the attention of others, making snarky comments and whatnot. He used to be extremely popular, and teachers still adore him, but by now the vast majority of the grade sees through his act. He is pretty witty, but when it is one on one with him he usually clams up and becomes nervous and awkward. It is as if he doesn't know what to do if he doesn't have to impress anyone. I am not going to say he is quite a jackass per se, but sometimes he does go past the line of jack ass-ed-ness when trying to get a laugh out of other people especially his friends who are very willing to laugh at anothers expense.

Étoile · 10th Dec 2009, 09:52 PM

I get more social and outgoing when around friends too, but I don't say offensive things I wouldn't say if by myself or do something uncomfortable to be one of the boys. There's a fine line between comfortability and jackassery around friends and some people drive straight over the cliff.

Camman3 · 11th Dec 2009, 02:03 AM

Lol I know what you're talking about, though I find this happens in two ways:

1) People get much more excitable and they project their personality more outwardly around friends. This is almost just an amplified version of them which doesn't show when they're alone.

2) People that actually change their personality around different groups of friends. My friend had a bf who was a nice, chilled guy around me and my friends, but loud, rowdy, condescending, homophobic (doesn't know about me or my friends, so it's not because of us), and just generally "bad-boyish".... Which annoys me. Tosser.

I get louder, laugh more, and just enjoy myself so much more (and other people just disappear to me), but when someone says something uncool, I'll stand up to them or leave if I don't agree with whatever they're doing.

10th Dec 2009, 05:06 PM	#1
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Dude Mentality When guys are separate, they act like themselves. When put together, they seem to transform into a different person and adopt a 'dude' mentality, you know what I mean? They do things and say things that seem out-of-character for them. This has been puzzling me for a while now. I can never tell if this is another side of them or a complete façade to fit in with the guys. I've never seen this happen with girls. They may get chattier and more excitable, but their real personality's still there. Has anyone else ever noticed this phenomenon? __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

10th Dec 2009, 05:08 PM	#2
Brandford Friendly Misanthrope Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: everyone that asks,my mom (i think) and my sister Location: Woodbridge, VA Age: 19 Posts: 6,656 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Dude Mentality Oh you mean how an Intelligent and sweet person can turn into a complete idiot and jackass? I've noticed that alot and I still don't understand it. But I assume its so they can fit in. __________________ "I find nothing more depressing than optimism." --Paul Fussell

10th Dec 2009, 05:09 PM	#3
IamAninja Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Spotsylvania, Virginia Age: 17 Posts: 149 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Dude Mentality Yes I have. I saw a guy at the movie theater with a bunch of his friends. He looked like the life of the party until all of his friends left. Once they were gone he became extremely timid looking. __________________ The Mathemagician nodded knowingly and stroked his chin several times. “You’ll find,” he remarked gently, “that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that’s hardly worth the effort.” Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

10th Dec 2009, 05:13 PM	#4
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Dude Mentality Exactly Brandford and IamAninja. It's like their friends are fuel for the Psycho Express. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

10th Dec 2009, 05:15 PM	#5
lostinthought9 EC's Biggest Xena Fan EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Louisiana Age: 21 Posts: 2,059 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Dude Mentality I agree, although this is by no means universal for all guys. Actually, I have a friend (girl) who kinda does that... Just saying. __________________

10th Dec 2009, 05:15 PM	#6
IamAninja Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Spotsylvania, Virginia Age: 17 Posts: 149 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Dude Mentality And those are the people everybody loves. Not the people who are, who they are all the time (like myself). __________________ The Mathemagician nodded knowingly and stroked his chin several times. “You’ll find,” he remarked gently, “that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that’s hardly worth the effort.” Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

10th Dec 2009, 05:25 PM	#7
Brandford Friendly Misanthrope Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: everyone that asks,my mom (i think) and my sister Location: Woodbridge, VA Age: 19 Posts: 6,656 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Dude Mentality I've even had friends like that, with me and the friend alone, hes sweet and intelligent and great to be around but if were in a group they always turn into idiots and act like assholes. This one friend actually made jokes about me a lot in school at the table and I never took it personally so when he asked to come over my house I said yes and we had the best time ever, one of the best days of my childhood. It doesn't really make any sense to me. (He even turned out to be the boy that made me realize my sexuality) __________________ "I find nothing more depressing than optimism." --Paul Fussell Last edited by Brandford; 10th Dec 2009 at 05:39 PM..

10th Dec 2009, 05:31 PM	#8
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Dude Mentality sighs The fickleness of the teenage brain. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

10th Dec 2009, 05:31 PM	#9
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Dude Mentality I know what you mean by usage of the word "Dude", but I think Jackass is a more suitable term for this phenomenon. Because honestly, I'm sure the show Jackass influenced this behavior anyway. __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

10th Dec 2009, 05:53 PM	#10
Hoppip look at the good i do Full Member Gender: Lv. 18 ♂ Orientation: Water / Dragon Out Status: Uncommon Location: Johto Posts: 1,562 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Dude Mentality This is actually my entire personality. Sometimes I feel like my unconscious, automatic mimicry of other people is something of a mutant power. I don't mean mimicking in a mocking sense, but in the modeling sense. If I see someone kicking a Bobo doll, I'll probably be standing behind them. That kind of behavior also reminds me of the linguistic register—the change of speaking due to social circumstances. My whole body language's register changes depending on my situation. And by using the first person, I actually mean everyone since everyone does this. Ahem. Bye? Have a nice day, everyone. : D ^ I hope I don't sound like a pompous jerk, by the way. I really don't. I'm sorry if I come off like I'm God's gift to humanity because I'm far from it. I apologize if I'm being condescending, and I apologize for assuming that I sound condescending or something. __________________ KUDOS ME. I made myshelf pregnant.

10th Dec 2009, 06:46 PM	#11
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Dude Mentality Yeah everyone definitely does this, just in different ways __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

10th Dec 2009, 06:58 PM	#13
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Dude Mentality Its an subconscious thing ^ __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

10th Dec 2009, 07:20 PM	#14
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Dude Mentality I know a guy who is a painter, sweet guy and always helpful, but when he hangs out with his other guy friends he spends the entire time making disgusting sexual jokes, overplaying the "thats what she said" to the point it makes you want to strangle a kitty, and uses his cane he walks with to grab peoples privates from behind. He would very rarely if ever do these things if he was not around them. TBH? I used to do it too. When i was closeted i would totally "jackass" up around other guys, because its what straight guys do. Most at least. You have to be really confidant in yourself to stand up and say "no" in these situations. Thats when the entire group turns on you. Ive seen it happen. The guy who sat alone at lunch every day in highschool and made friends with the teachers? He was the one who said "no". When i came out however, i freely said "no" because honestly at that point why not they all think you take it up the ass, why not tell them your not going to butch up when hanging out with them and become a total jackass? __________________ "It's a male duck."

10th Dec 2009, 07:20 PM	#15
Nodnarb Notoriously Homosexual Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people Location: Ames, Iowa Age: 20 Posts: 3,875 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: Dude Mentality I notice this all the time. When people are in groups, it seems like they try hard to sort of 'fit in' with everybody else, and do or say what they think the group wants them to do. When it's more of a one-on-one situation, they will let their guard down and just be themselves. __________________ Better to be hated for who you are, than be loved for who you're not.

10th Dec 2009, 08:02 PM	#16
Drizzt DoUrden Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Dude Mentality Definitely, I change when I'm around people. But not in the "dude" sort of way. I'll be more outgoing, more energetic, more carefree when I'm around good friends. I don't, however, change myself to fit in with them. It's just that... it feels good to be around them, and I show it. I actually know a girl who fits this--she's a really nice person to be around when it's a relatively isolated setting, but around her friends she's kind of a preppy bitch.

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10th Dec 2009, 08:42 PM	#18
joss22 Toasty Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to two friends Location: Massachusetts Age: 20 Posts: 286 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Dude Mentality I know this guy who feeds off of the attention of others, making snarky comments and whatnot. He used to be extremely popular, and teachers still adore him, but by now the vast majority of the grade sees through his act. He is pretty witty, but when it is one on one with him he usually clams up and becomes nervous and awkward. It is as if he doesn't know what to do if he doesn't have to impress anyone. I am not going to say he is quite a jackass per se, but sometimes he does go past the line of jack ass-ed-ness when trying to get a laugh out of other people especially his friends who are very willing to laugh at anothers expense. __________________ ? + ! = ‽ & ؟♥?

10th Dec 2009, 09:52 PM	#19
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Dude Mentality I get more social and outgoing when around friends too, but I don't say offensive things I wouldn't say if by myself or do something uncomfortable to be one of the boys. There's a fine line between comfortability and jackassery around friends and some people drive straight over the cliff. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

11th Dec 2009, 02:03 AM	#20
Camman3 EC's South African :D Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Even my grandparents know! Location: South Africa, Cape Town Age: 20 Posts: 288 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: Dude Mentality Lol I know what you're talking about, though I find this happens in two ways: 1) People get much more excitable and they project their personality more outwardly around friends. This is almost just an amplified version of them which doesn't show when they're alone. 2) People that actually change their personality around different groups of friends. My friend had a bf who was a nice, chilled guy around me and my friends, but loud, rowdy, condescending, homophobic (doesn't know about me or my friends, so it's not because of us), and just generally "bad-boyish".... Which annoys me. Tosser. I get louder, laugh more, and just enjoy myself so much more (and other people just disappear to me), but when someone says something uncool, I'll stand up to them or leave if I don't agree with whatever they're doing. __________________ "Always be kind to people: you never know what kind of battle they're fighting"