Gay people who come out as "bi"...

[Pseudojim]

Does this yank anyone else's crank?

I understand the reasons for it, especially since in our youth we are all unclear on what we really are... I don't mean to place blame on anyone who first came out as bi and then decided they were gay....

but in my experience over the last few months, it seems as though EVERYONE has just expected me to be coming out as gay any minute, since so many people have come out as bi and then gone on to come out as gay. It's like the attitude is "oh he's bi now? oh okay, he'll be gay soon."

It just drives me up the wall. I really wish gay people didn't find it helpful to use bisexuality as a human shield.

[RaeofLite]

... *looks for the nearest closet to dash into incase needed*

Look, the only reason I thought I was bi was because I had never been with a woman but was really attracted to them. And since my area is so conservative, and there are no real gay support groups or anything for 100's of km, I didn't know what to think and had no gay friends to talk to this about.

..That's not all though. But once I had my first time with a woman, something in me clicked, realizing it was different and that I reacted differently and that "this was me". So I came out as gay to everyone afterwards (and soon to my parents as this).

I can completely understand the frustration though. However, people "come out as gay" and then dump you and go back into hetero society without thinking anything of it either. Friggin jerks.

[Z3ni]

...........

Raises Hand up , I'm guilty lol

Actually I havn't even come out yet

[Pseudojim]

Originally Posted by RaeofLite

... *looks for the nearest closet to dash into incase needed*

Look, the only reason I thought I was bi was because I had never been with a woman but was really attracted to them. And since my area is so conservative, and there are no real gay support groups or anything for 100's of km, I didn't know what to think and had no gay friends to talk to this about.

..That's not all though. But once I had my first time with a woman, something in me clicked, realizing it was different and that I reacted differently and that "this was me". So I came out as gay to everyone afterwards (and soon to my parents as this).

I can completely understand the frustration though. However, people "come out as gay" and then dump you and go back into hetero society without thinking anything of it either. Friggin jerks.

Yeah i get why it happens, i'm not trying to demonise anyone for doing it... but i'm just looking for anyone else who's encountered a similar frustration, and especially some tips on how they may have dealt with it.

I have a particularly stupid sister-in-law who just doesn't understand the concept of bisexuality whatsoever, and in fact doesn't acknowledge its existence (much the same as my father), and the fact that many people who proclaim being bisexual end up proclaiming homosexuality only hurts my chances of being accepted by my family for who i am.

[RaeofLite]

Well I'm pretty sure many people in the LGBT community accept it. I realize it does exist as I have several friends that are bisexual. I know what you mean though. So many people assume bisexual to mean:

-you have to be with more than one person at once (either during sex or in a relationship)
-there is a lack of understanding of the sexuality spectrum (Kinsey's spectrum)

I would just educate really. Buy books, find panphlets. Talk to a counsellor on their advice etc. Counsellors are generally some pretty accepting people.

[Pseudojim]

I wish that would help. No amount of education will help for my sister-in-law really, her reading experience is limited to the TV guide. She's seriously just... for lack of a better word, stupid.

My father on the other hand is a reader, but as a result of what he reads (or doesn't read), is close minded. His mind is made up on the subject of the sexuality spectrum (which in his mind doesn't exist). He sees two things... Straight, which is normal, and gay, which is broken.

The subject of this thread likely has little directly to do with the mindsets of my family though. As symptoms of society's disease, perhaps.... but individually, no. I just wish society were different, such that there were no pressure on gay people to feel the need to validate their own identity by suggesting that they are bisexual, before coming to the realisation that they are in fact gay.

It's a fact of life, i suppose this thread is nothing more than a vent, and perhaps a search for other people's experiences.

[Astaroth]

Unfortunately, bisexuality is sort of the vegetarianism of sexuality. Many people who want to become vegans use vegetarianism as a stepping stone to acclimate themselves to a life that's animal product free. It doesn't diminish vegetarianism that some will move on to veganism and some may return to an omnivore state. In the same vein, many gay and lesbian people either aren't sure of their sexuality, or they actually think they are bisexual, and so that's the label they go with until they realize they were wrong. I guess the important thing to realize is that the vast majority of transitional bisexuals claim the title without any malice, and most believe it's the correct one at the time.

The real culprit is homophobia. Right now, transitional bisexuality is used so much because it's more acceptable to be bi to the uninformed straight population than gay. It's basically seen as "half-gay, half-straight," and as a result it incurs less fear and homophobia. Until homophobia is eradicated, I fear that transitional bisexuality will always be used as a compromise until that person is ready to really take the plunge.

[RaeofLite]

...Well if it's a help to you: my mom was thrown books at. Yes I threw books (not really, just left on the coffee tables), about sexuality. I also printed off the experiences of parents with gay or lesbian children and put them for her to read by the family computer since she goes there for a few hours every day. It's been eight months since I've come out now, so I think time is the best medicince.

And once your parent sees you with a partner that is positive, who loves and respects you, they should really only want you to be happy. Even if they don't fully understand it themself. I'm lucky to have a friend whose mom is stellar. She has a gay son so she's been through it years ago, but accepts me like I'm her second daughter. lol

[Pseudojim]

Originally Posted by Astaroth

Unfortunately, bisexuality is sort of the vegetarianism of sexuality. Many people who want to become vegans use vegetarianism as a stepping stone to acclimate themselves to a life that's animal product free. It doesn't diminish vegetarianism that some will move on to veganism and some may return to an omnivore state. In the same vein, many gay and lesbian people either aren't sure of their sexuality, or they actually think they are bisexual, and so that's the label they go with until they realize they were wrong. I guess the important thing to realize is that the vast majority of transitional bisexuals claim the title without any malice, and most believe it's the correct one at the time.

The real culprit is homophobia. Right now, transitional bisexuality is used so much because it's more acceptable to be bi to the uninformed straight population than gay. It's basically seen as "half-gay, half-straight," and as a result it incurs less fear and homophobia. Until homophobia is eradicated, I fear that transitional bisexuality will always be used as a compromise until that person is ready to really take the plunge.

Yes but vegeterianism and veganism are true lifestyle choices... not born orientations. That analogy doesn't really hold water with me. That being said, i agree with you re: claims being made without any malice.

And yes, absolutely the culprit is homophobia. This problem only exists because of pressure to conform to a certain orientation.

[kettleoffish]

*guilty wave*

i was 12 and unsure of myself.. all I knew was that I liked guys, but the possibility of not liking girls was sort of non-existant in my mind.. if that makes any sense.

[Phantasma]

I don't think that people consciously say to themselves "OK, I'm gay, but I'm going to come out/start with the label bisexual because it's easier than full on gay for now." thus using bisexuality as a 'human shield'. A lot of people are so confused that they genuinely, honestly believe/delude themselves (in some cases) into thinking that they are truly bisexual because they are so new to these feelings and thoughts that they don't even know how to classify themselves, or even figure out if they are full on gay.

There are some people who consciously decide to come out bisexual knowing that they are gay. I'm not arguing that. All I'm saying is that a lot of people don't try to hide behind some shield of bisexuality, they genuinely think that they are bisexual until they familiarize themselves with these strange new feelings. I must say that some experience plays a role too, as exemplified by RaeofLife and the "AHA!" moment she experienced upon her first sexual encounter with a woman.

There's not much you can do about it. It sucks that people are expecting you to come out gay now, but the only way to change that is to just keep talking to them - regardless of whether or not they want to believe you. Giving up on them is not going to help get your case any further along than it is right now. People are going to continue to come out bisexual and then discover they are gay; people are going to continue to come out bisexual knowing they are gay but are fearful of admitting to it. There's no real way to stop it, unfortunately. It's something you'd be better off being at peace with, because you'll be frustrated your whole life if you don't.

[littledinosaurs]

It can make my life harder but getting mad about it won't do anything.
Some people need the step and it's fine for them to take it.

[Shevanel]

Originally Posted by littledinosaurs

It can make my life harder but getting mad about it won't do anything.
Some people need the step and it's fine for them to take it.

This. What is important isn't how others perceive your sexuality, because they obviously cannot know for sure. What is important is how YOU perceive your sexuality. If you are confused at first and are comfortable with labeling yourself as bisexual and then later conclude that you are actually in fact gay (or straight, it happens.), that is completely fine. It doesn't affect me in the slightest. I am the same person no matter what. People can think whatever the fuck they want

[Mister Gaga]

I totally agree with SurferDude420, he really got the point

[Pseudojim]

Originally Posted by SurferDude420

This. What is important isn't how others perceive your sexuality, because they obviously cannot know for sure. What is important is how YOU perceive your sexuality. If you are confused at first and are comfortable with labeling yourself as bisexual and then later conclude that you are actually in fact gay (or straight, it happens.), that is completely fine. It doesn't affect me in the slightest. I am the same person no matter what. People can think whatever the fuck they want

It's different when it's your family. I do care what they think of me.

And yes, i'm not at all putting any blame on people who either innocently or consciously come out as bi first and then proceed to gay.

Eh. More often than not I haven't dealt with people thinking I'm really a gay in disguise. I'm thought as a college girl 'going through a phase'. It's not fun, but I can't hate on the gays/straight girls who genuinely believed themselves to be bisexual for a time. It just sucks that I have to reaffirm my sexuality to every girl I meet. I've begun to date more bisexuals lately and in that way, at least, I don't have to deal with the doubters.

All that aside, I still totally bitch about people using my sexuality as a transitional stage. It's annoying and I figure I should be able to tell people how I feel about it.

[Ty]

I'm sure you'll survive.

[Greggers]

First off, i never for one second thought i was Bi

That said, its a VERY logical first step for a young, confused gay person to jump to. You dont want to give up your opposite sex attractions because they have been so ingrained in you from birth, but you also cant deny your same sex attractions that keep poping up. So you say to yourself "Maybe im Bisexual?" in hopes on desperately clinging to your heterosexualness that society values so much.

Fast forward a year and you realize your "attractions" to the opposite sex were you trying to convince yourself you could still live a heterosexual life, and nothing more. It happens alot. It really sucks for those who are truly bisexual, but its one of those things that cannot be helped. (granted, alot of people do come out as bi first to "test the waters" thinking that it will be better received by people. that can be helped and i wish people would stop doing that. in all honestly it does not make your coming out much easier when you have to do it twice)

[Just Adam]

my coming out process was

stage 1 liek who i like

stage 2 figureing what am i

stage 3 learbning of pansexuality

stage 4 oh ok im a pan.


as for bi then gay route it jstu seems easier for people i dont judge or blame but i get the assumption peopel hve about u

i hate beeing assumed im gay by people.

[adam88]

I spent a long time as "straight". I knew I didn't act like a traditional straight guy, but didn't know what to call it. I've experienced many personal changes in the past five years that made me more open to new, strange experiences in general, prying back years of psychological filth that'd been developing. So , i guess you could say that I was repressing it until recently, and honestly thought myself straight, because I was afraid to be anything but straight. And besides, I'm into chicks, right?

What changed my mind? I'm not sure. I just realized that I couldn't honestly tell people I was straight any more, and asked myself if I was actually Bi, realizing that I'd never asked that question before and that the answer was likely "yes". So I started looking back at my behaviour in the past, and that yes, I more fit the pattern of a bisexual who thinks he's straight.

So, that my story, however it adds to the discussion. Bisexuals come in all kinds.