Ok, so... I've been sick since sunday afternoon, on monday, after bein out all day, doin some field work for physics in college, and sneezing my ass off all day long, I finally arrived to tkd, with no energy whatsoever, so I knew I wouldn't practice that day, however, I needed to talk to AC, because I'm an idiot and I did some rather srupid things on friday afternoon. Well, On saturday I had the most boring night of my life... it was the 'birthday' party of one of the instructors, and we were all invited. Now, figure this: The master of the academy, the instructor, a 71 y.o. black belt, and a military guy (in his 40ies) talking about politics. WHAT THE HELL IS A MILITARY GUY TALKING ABOUT POLITICS???. Anyway, add me to that 'party', and you can figure out just how much fun I had. Although you'll probably need differential calculus to figure out so small numbers. The other person invited to this thing was, of course, AC. Now, it's not the first time the instructor has a meeting like this in his house, but the last time AC was there, and it was almost bareable, since we sepent most of the night talking to each other about various things. Well, not this time, he had something else to do, I was there by myslef, having to restrain my comments because these people would not undertand them. Anyway, I spent most of the night messaging with my cellphone (thanks to whoever invented SMS) with three different people, and talking about all kinds of shit. Ok, that's enough background for now. So, back to monday afternoon: I went to tkd, and talked over a few things I needed to talk with the Master, and then I was ready to leave, so AC signaled me if I was going to take him home, of course i nodded. We left, and when we got into the car I faced him and pointing at him with the key I said: 'I hate you from the deepest of my soul.' He actually ran away. I followed him like 10 mts, and then yelled: 'I know where you live', so I got in my car and drove to his house. It's three blocks away, so after a few seconds he arrived. He ran across the street and jumped over the wall. From there he spoke to me. Only now I realize (by writing this) how stupid I was, and that I actually scared him. Anyway, i needed to write this. The conversation we had... well, I think it was a masterpiece of mistery, not that I'm proud of such thing, but I know I managed to create doubt in him... so perhaps he'll open a bit with me and let me in a little more. Now, to finish with the title: It feels like hell that people... oh, what the hell, that AC is scared of me. I asked a few other friends if I scared them in some way, and they all told me that i'm utterly incapable of hurting anyone... but hey, I guess they know me a little better than AC. Anyways, on the good side, I plainly asked him what his reaction was when he found out that we were sharing a room, and he told me that he "didn't think of THAT side of me". Anyway, I don't know if I believe him... but hey, either he's not lying (sp?), or he's really good at hiding emotions... Anyway... I know what some of you are going to say, that I should stop playing with him, that it's not his fault I have a crush on him, and you are probably right... but I can't help it... I find it harder and harder to think before I speak.
All I can say is that if I had a "friend" who said things like that to me just to fuck with my head, they wouldn't stay my friend for very long.
I'm confused about whether or not this ended peacefully. There were words, a chase, and conversation from behind a wall... so did you resolve the argument? Why did you hate him in the first place? Why was he so scared of you? and besides some girl, was there any doubt that he was perfectly fine with you being gay?
It's just the way I am, a little impulsive, and I tell people I hate them quite often, hardly ever I mean it... It's usually to state that they did something I dislike, like leaving me alone in a house with a bunch of old people talking about uninteresting things... Although it's not like he left me there, It was my choice to go, and his choice not to, that's why I felt comfortable telling him I hated him. I still am not completely sure as to WHY I told him that, it's not like I thought it over... it kinda just... happened. Perhaps it was a way for me to get some relief, perhaps it was just another one of those impulsive moronic things I do... who knows... perhaps it was the side of me that actually hates him for not corresponding the feelings I have for him, or perhaps it was the fever taking over me... I don't know, and I don't care. It happened, and I will try and make the best of it. btw, no, there was no doubt that he was perfectly fine with me being gay, so now that you put it like this, I don't think my reaction was... logical. I will have to figure out what happened...
It sounds like you've made a terrible mistake in saying the things you said to him.. Luckily, it appears you see that now. I'd just like to say that you should be honest with AC. If you are doing crazy things because of your crush on him, then perhaps you should give him a heads up so he does not know you really hate him? He could be searching for reasons within himself for why you would dislike him, when the true reason may have nothing to do directly with him. It would seem very hard to build a lasting friendship without complete honesty. Oh, btw, congrats on coming out to more people!
That's what I thought...I mean you were just kidding right? I don't see why he would just run out of the car like that, especially if you were kidding. I joke around with people like that all the time, unless there was a certain tone in your voice that didn't make it sound like a joke, and instead more like you really did hate him. But let me get one thing straight...you said you hate him, and he got out of the car and started running??? To me that plain just doesn't make any sense. He's 15 years old, he knows how to think. Why wouldn't he try to talk it out? Or say something to you?
