How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Holmes · 3rd Jan 2010, 08:18 AM

I started coming out around November '08, and I still haven't had a boyfriend. I retrospectively ascribed my lack of success with girls to my being gay, but I haven't had much luck with boys either. I thought there could be something sometimes, but nothing's happened. I should really start going out to gay bars, shouldn't I? But it's not as if there aren't plenty of gay boys around college, and I don't really like clubbing.

3rd Jan 2010, 08:23 AM

well im not actually out yet but i can say there is maybe no rush to go get a boyfriend. im sure that in time you will meet someone.

tokwa · 3rd Jan 2010, 08:33 AM

Be yourself and take time and don't be desperate. Love comes when you least expect it

3rd Jan 2010, 08:49 AM

Well if you dont really feel like going to gay bars then dont. There are other ways to meet guys.

I enclose a link and its aimed at lesbian women but it can also be used for gay men on the top places to find someone of the same sex:

http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesb...etLesbians.htm

starfish · 3rd Jan 2010, 09:18 AM

I've been out a year, and I don't have a boyfriend. I've done some dating without much success. It takes time.

It takes time and to be honest I haven't been trying all that hard either. Part of it is that I don't want a relationship right now.

grapevine fires · 3rd Jan 2010, 09:47 AM

I can't remember how long I've been out… a year or two… I haven't had a girlfriend until recently. It was the second shortest relationship I've ever had XD

I found that once I was comfortable with being single and happy, the ladies just flocked to me… I'm hoping it will happen again soon, now that I'm single again.

partietraumatic · 3rd Jan 2010, 11:04 AM

i had a boyfriend before coming out to anyone.

Since i've come out to my friends i've had nothing.

Go figure

SRSLYMARK · 3rd Jan 2010, 11:35 AM

I started coming out in May 2007 and had a boyfriend that September. Bear in mind we were together for all of three weeks, though.

Emberstone · 3rd Jan 2010, 12:10 PM

Is a relationship you force yourself into going to truly matter in the end. dont fret if you dont have a boyfriend yet. having a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship rarely ever is worth it.

Phoenix · 3rd Jan 2010, 12:36 PM

It took me like a year to find mine. But to be perfectly honest, I was open to all possibilities but I never specifically looked for one.

stratavos · 3rd Jan 2010, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emberstone

Is a relationship you force yourself into going to truly matter in the end. dont fret if you dont have a boyfriend yet. having a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship rarely ever is worth it.

that, and most of the population is still identified as heterosexual. you're kinda working with a lake in comparison to a sea.

Holmes · 3rd Jan 2010, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emberstone

Is a relationship you force yourself into going to truly matter in the end. dont fret if you dont have a boyfriend yet. having a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship rarely ever is worth it.

I do realize that. I did see a boy for a few weeks, my sister had told me that he thought quite a lot of me, she'd heard from her boyfriend. Not that she was recommending him to me. I didn't think much of him, and was just going to go out with him for the sake of it. When I realized that, I decided against.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I've just felt a little lonely of late, in the way that I'd know having someone would make a difference for me.

Apocalypte · 3rd Jan 2010, 03:14 PM

I've had one girlfriend and I've been sorta-out since 2004 and out to almost everyone since 2005... but then again, I'm painfully shy.

**Filip** · 3rd Jan 2010, 03:39 PM

I started coming out at the end of 2008, and slightly more than one year later, there’s not a boyfriend in sight. I’m not really unhappy about that, though. It really took some time being more and more comfortably out. If I had tried anything sooner, it might have broken down because I wouldn’t have been entirely adjusted to the idea of having a boyfriend. I’m slowly getting the idea that now might be the time to look for one, but I’m not in a hurry.

I don’t think you should necessarily go for the clubs, though. If it’s one-night stands you want, they’re great, but real boyfriends are harder (though by no means impossible) to find there. Maybe it’s best to see if your college has a GLBT society that you could join. It would allow you to meet gay people in a normal setting. Maybe there is someone there with whom it clicks. And if not, then you would still make some GLBT friends out of it.

**Maddy** · 3rd Jan 2010, 06:09 PM

I've been out to the majority for three years and I still haven't had a relationship. I don't know anyone else who's been out this long and hasn't found someone yet, and it's been long enough for me that I seriously doubt it's going to happen at all.

flymetothemoon · 3rd Jan 2010, 06:55 PM

I have a girlfriend and I'm not out yet, but that girlfriend is what led me to realize I was bi...I never considered it until I realized my attraction to her...but everyone is different, though, so don't feel bad for not having had a boyfriend yet. It will happen when it is time.

RaeofLite · 3rd Jan 2010, 06:57 PM

I had a girlfriend when I was out to some close friends but not everyone. And then I came out to everyone.

**Lexington** · 3rd Jan 2010, 08:21 PM

Three years? Something like that.

Lex

-Michael- · 4th Jan 2010, 01:10 PM

About 2 months after I came out I had a boyfriend.

It didnt last long as it meant nothing but... I don't think it matters how long you've been out

I know straight people who have never been in a relationship.

GoBabyGoGo · 4th Jan 2010, 01:35 PM

ive been out for a year, and nope, no boyfriend

3rd Jan 2010, 08:18 AM	#1
Holmes EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out Location: Ireland Age: 25 Posts: 609 Join Date: Aug 2009	How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I started coming out around November '08, and I still haven't had a boyfriend. I retrospectively ascribed my lack of success with girls to my being gay, but I haven't had much luck with boys either. I thought there could be something sometimes, but nothing's happened. I should really start going out to gay bars, shouldn't I? But it's not as if there aren't plenty of gay boys around college, and I don't really like clubbing.

3rd Jan 2010, 08:23 AM	#2
gaz83 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? well im not actually out yet but i can say there is maybe no rush to go get a boyfriend. im sure that in time you will meet someone.

3rd Jan 2010, 08:33 AM	#3
tokwa Yez, that is my lips. Regular Member Gender: Guy Orientation: Girls/Guys Out Status: IDK Location: Phil Age: 19 Posts: 288 Join Date: Aug 2009	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? Be yourself and take time and don't be desperate. Love comes when you least expect it __________________ Show me your teeth.

3rd Jan 2010, 08:49 AM	#4
dude99 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? Well if you dont really feel like going to gay bars then dont. There are other ways to meet guys. I enclose a link and its aimed at lesbian women but it can also be used for gay men on the top places to find someone of the same sex: http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesb...etLesbians.htm

3rd Jan 2010, 09:18 AM	#5
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,108 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I've been out a year, and I don't have a boyfriend. I've done some dating without much success. It takes time. It takes time and to be honest I haven't been trying all that hard either. Part of it is that I don't want a relationship right now. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

3rd Jan 2010, 09:47 AM	#6
grapevine fires EC Addict Regular Member Gender: F*ed… my sex, though, is female. Orientation: love is love, sexuality is fluid Out Status: Pretty much everyone, minus extended family Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 20 Posts: 431 Join Date:** Jun 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I can't remember how long I've been out… a year or two… I haven't had a girlfriend until recently. It was the second shortest relationship I've ever had XD I found that once I was comfortable with being single and happy, the ladies just flocked to me… I'm hoping it will happen again soon, now that I'm single again. __________________ Love Always Wins

3rd Jan 2010, 11:04 AM	#7
partietraumatic A gay heteropolitan? Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Enough for now Location: Oxford and Birmingham, UK Age: 20 Posts: 1,300 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? i had a boyfriend before coming out to anyone. Since i've come out to my friends i've had nothing. Go figure __________________ 'Im not your toy and this isn't another girl meets boy'

3rd Jan 2010, 11:35 AM	#8
SRSLYMARK I take pictures Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Chicago Age: 19 Posts: 449 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I started coming out in May 2007 and had a boyfriend that September. Bear in mind we were together for all of three weeks, though. __________________ ET LES LESBIENNES

3rd Jan 2010, 12:10 PM	#9
Emberstone Flappychap Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon, USA Age: 28 Posts: 5,587 Join Date: May 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? Is a relationship you force yourself into going to truly matter in the end. dont fret if you dont have a boyfriend yet. having a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship rarely ever is worth it.

3rd Jan 2010, 12:36 PM	#10
Phoenix EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Somewhere between gay and bisexual Out Status: Very Location: Massachusetts, USA Posts: 755 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? It took me like a year to find mine. But to be perfectly honest, I was open to all possibilities but I never specifically looked for one.

3rd Jan 2010, 03:14 PM	#13
Apocalypte Ytse Jamming. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Dublin, Ireland Age: 27 Posts: 2,217 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I've had one girlfriend and I've been sorta-out since 2004 and out to almost everyone since 2005... but then again, I'm painfully shy. __________________ "I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson

3rd Jan 2010, 03:39 PM	#14
Filip Cecile's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Belgium, EU Age: 28 Posts: 3,366 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I started coming out at the end of 2008, and slightly more than one year later, there’s not a boyfriend in sight. I’m not really unhappy about that, though. It really took some time being more and more comfortably out. If I had tried anything sooner, it might have broken down because I wouldn’t have been entirely adjusted to the idea of having a boyfriend. I’m slowly getting the idea that now might be the time to look for one, but I’m not in a hurry. I don’t think you should necessarily go for the clubs, though. If it’s one-night stands you want, they’re great, but real boyfriends are harder (though by no means impossible) to find there. Maybe it’s best to see if your college has a GLBT society that you could join. It would allow you to meet gay people in a normal setting. Maybe there is someone there with whom it clicks. And if not, then you would still make some GLBT friends out of it. __________________ To the world, you're somebody, but to somebody, you're the world...

3rd Jan 2010, 06:09 PM	#15
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I've been out to the majority for three years and I still haven't had a relationship. I don't know anyone else who's been out this long and hasn't found someone yet, and it's been long enough for me that I seriously doubt it's going to happen at all. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

3rd Jan 2010, 06:55 PM	#16
flymetothemoon EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: It's not about gender, I just like people... Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Albany, NY Age: 25 Posts: 467 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I have a girlfriend and I'm not out yet, but that girlfriend is what led me to realize I was bi...I never considered it until I realized my attraction to her...but everyone is different, though, so don't feel bad for not having had a boyfriend yet. It will happen when it is time. __________________ Somehow I can't believe that there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true...curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy. ~ Walt Disney

3rd Jan 2010, 06:57 PM	#17
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? I had a girlfriend when I was out to some close friends but not everyone. And then I came out to everyone. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
falling in love,want a gay boyfriend	fabu2113	Support and Advice	5	26th Nov 2009 12:49 AM
My Boyfriend wants an Open Relationship -- I don't.	Anonymous	Anonymous Discussions	19	27th Nov 2008 03:19 PM
Hi (long introduction)	NuthinButLuv	Introductions, Welcomes and Congratulations	11	7th Oct 2008 11:31 PM
long time coming (out)	basically	Support and Advice	3	21st Oct 2007 08:35 AM

3rd Jan 2010, 08:21 PM	#18
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? Three years? Something like that. Lex

4th Jan 2010, 01:10 PM	#19
-Michael- Been gone a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: DragonPhoenixLightningAwesome Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Middlesbrough, North-east England Age: 20 Posts: 2,199 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? About 2 months after I came out I had a boyfriend. It didnt last long as it meant nothing but... I don't think it matters how long you've been out I know straight people who have never been in a relationship.

4th Jan 2010, 01:35 PM	#20
GoBabyGoGo Music Nerd. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 99% Location: Sydney, Australia Age: 20 Posts: 433 Join Date: May 2007	Re: How long did it take from being out to having a boyfriend? ive been out for a year, and nope, no boyfriend __________________ "If I were you, I'd have sex with me!"