Are you gay? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

crazydude · 13th Jan 2010, 12:35 PM

So this is probably more for people who are in the closet, but I'm curious how you would respond to this question when asked? Do you completely deny it? Do you make something up? Also if you identify as bi or something else would say no I'm bi or again just deny the whole thing? I'm asked every once in awhile and I don't like to completely deny it, but at the same I'm not really ready to let people know so I usually do just say no.

Sicsemper79 · 13th Jan 2010, 12:48 PM

It depends a little bit on who is asking. I have simply denied it before, however I like to think I am past that. It has been a couple of years since anyone flat out asked me.

I like to think that these days, again depending on who was asking, I would probably respond with a question; "why do you ask?". If they really pushed and I felt like it was someone who wouldn't immediately take out a billboard, I would probably either say that its not something I want to talk about with them or simply confirm it.

Sylver · 13th Jan 2010, 12:49 PM

Obviously if you're still in the closet, answering this question truthfully is the same as coming out to the person. So the question is totally tied to your "state of outness". For too long I used to deny it vigorously (which was a lie). As I started coming to terms with being gay to myself, I would try and dodge the question or give a fuzzy answer. Now as I'm more and more out, and more comfortable with being out, I'm prepared to give the correct answer - Yes.

malachite · 13th Jan 2010, 12:52 PM

I don't deny it at all, but usually if someone asks if I'm seeing anyone, and they don't specify girl or boy, and I'm not I just say: nope.

Gaetan · 13th Jan 2010, 01:01 PM

Right now, it would entirely depend on who asked. If any of my family or friends asked, I would answer yes. Someone outside that, maybe a former co-worker or former classmate, I may or may not answer truthfully.

Rikudo · 13th Jan 2010, 01:06 PM

I'd have to say that I'd deny it right now. Just cause I don't feel I can handle being out right now.

GhostDog · 13th Jan 2010, 01:17 PM

Back when I was still confused/in denial/in the closet/what have you, I denied it, yes (until my best friend asked me, I can't lie to her). Or if it wasn't a direct question, and was something like, say, "Describe your ideal man", I tended to either fake it or deflect it. >.>

I like to refer to myself as queer, generally, but if I don't feel like explaining myself to someone, I'll just say I'm gay. Like, I got asked that by a bartender once, and I just answered, "Hell yes! Boobs are awesome!" I save my spiel for late-night deep conversations, because, "Yeah, I'm pretty much gay," is shorter than, "Well, I prefer women and I really see myself settling down with one in the future. I'm not really sure I'd be in a relationship with a guy but if I do find some androgynous guys attractive, so if I met one I liked I wouldn't pass up an opportunity just because I generally like women better, you know?" I just generally don't bother mentioning that I might be willing to make exceptions, unless it's someone I might be willing to make exceptions for, lest said someone get the wrong idea. =P

And honestly, most people I meet just don't care all that much!

But still, I generally prefer saying I'm a big ol' queer, since it feels less like I have to pin myself down exactly for someone else's benefit.

CrystalCat · 13th Jan 2010, 01:35 PM

I was asked that a few months ago. i said no, because i wasnt really friends with that particular person so it was none of their business. If the person asked me the same question today though i would say yes. I'm not 100% out at school but a decent amount know, if im outside of school and a person asks i will definitely say yes 100% of the time though.

Black Cat · 13th Jan 2010, 01:39 PM

I wouldn't deny it. I wouldn't answer flatly either. Chances are I'd ask if they were interested, I mean why else would they be asking in the first place right?

If anyone in my family asked I'd probably just say yes.

Daniel · 13th Jan 2010, 01:43 PM

"Ja. Why?"

And people are usually thrown by how I ask the why.

excuseyou77 · 13th Jan 2010, 01:44 PM

I think at this point if someone asks me, I'll just say yes.

SolitaryKnight · 13th Jan 2010, 01:45 PM

I've been asked a variation that question only once. The girl who asked me started with asking if I had a girlfriend, then she asked if I had a boyfriend, then she asked which I preferred, to which I answered "does it matter?" and she said no and humbly went on her way.

Zach1992 · 13th Jan 2010, 01:55 PM

I used to deny it to everbody, but now it's just I'm asked by family or around them.

I'm open to everyone else.

Swamp56 · 13th Jan 2010, 01:57 PM

"Ya....why?"

kettleoffish · 13th Jan 2010, 03:12 PM

I've not been asked that in a while.. last time I was I said no and changed the subject. I'd like to htink I'd say yes if I was asked now, but it really depends on the circumstances.

Revan · 13th Jan 2010, 03:15 PM

Minus my parents. I just say "Yeah, your point?"

**Lexington** · 13th Jan 2010, 03:16 PM

Nowadays, it's just "uh-huh". Like it's no big deal. 'cause it ain't.

Back in the day, whether the asker was male or female, I'd look confused and say "Are you asking me out?" or "Are you hitting on me?" That'd usually be enough to deflect the question without raising too many red flags.

Lex

Shevanel · 13th Jan 2010, 03:17 PM

"Nah, I'm bi"? I dunno, People never ask me that question xD

13th Jan 2010, 04:30 PM

I just say 'no'. I don't defend my no or say anything else.

Although I've decided that I will slowly start saying 'yes' now.

knight of ni · 13th Jan 2010, 04:47 PM

I've been asked that question a few times: twice just as I began coming out (I denied being gay, vehemently), and I think twice or three times more since then. Once I was at work, and I got asked what was on my mind, and I said it was somebody I wanted to go out with. "What's she like?" they asked. "Wrong pronoun..." I said.
Today if I got asked that question, by anyone who has even the most remote reason to know, I would answer yes.

13th Jan 2010, 12:35 PM	#1
crazydude EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I don't care Location: Los Angeles Age: 26 Posts: 421 Join Date: Dec 2009	Are you gay? So this is probably more for people who are in the closet, but I'm curious how you would respond to this question when asked? Do you completely deny it? Do you make something up? Also if you identify as bi or something else would say no I'm bi or again just deny the whole thing? I'm asked every once in awhile and I don't like to completely deny it, but at the same I'm not really ready to let people know so I usually do just say no.

13th Jan 2010, 12:48 PM	#2
Sicsemper79 I got soul but I'm not a soldier Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: a lot of people now! Location: Roanoke VA Posts: 222 Join Date: Dec 2009	Re: Are you gay? It depends a little bit on who is asking. I have simply denied it before, however I like to think I am past that. It has been a couple of years since anyone flat out asked me. I like to think that these days, again depending on who was asking, I would probably respond with a question; "why do you ask?". If they really pushed and I felt like it was someone who wouldn't immediately take out a billboard, I would probably either say that its not something I want to talk about with them or simply confirm it. __________________ JC “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” --William Shakespeare

13th Jan 2010, 12:49 PM	#3
Sylver Happily Married To Zume Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: quite gay, thank you Out Status: pretty darn out.. Location: Kenora, Ontario Posts: 1,057 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Are you gay? Obviously if you're still in the closet, answering this question truthfully is the same as coming out to the person. So the question is totally tied to your "state of outness". For too long I used to deny it vigorously (which was a lie). As I started coming to terms with being gay to myself, I would try and dodge the question or give a fuzzy answer. Now as I'm more and more out, and more comfortable with being out, I'm prepared to give the correct answer - Yes. __________________ "A gay man's life begins the day he comes out" James ~ Gay by Nature

13th Jan 2010, 12:52 PM	#4
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Are you gay? I don't deny it at all, but usually if someone asks if I'm seeing anyone, and they don't specify girl or boy, and I'm not I just say: nope. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

13th Jan 2010, 01:01 PM	#5
Gaetan DON'T TOUCH THE HAT! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Immediate Family and Friends Location: Idaho, USA Age: 25 Posts: 1,098 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Are you gay? Right now, it would entirely depend on who asked. If any of my family or friends asked, I would answer yes. Someone outside that, maybe a former co-worker or former classmate, I may or may not answer truthfully. __________________ Those who say it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the people doing it.

13th Jan 2010, 01:06 PM	#6
Rikudo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Dec 2009	Re: Are you gay? I'd have to say that I'd deny it right now. Just cause I don't feel I can handle being out right now. __________________ "Out of love, sacrifice is born... Hate is born... and we are able to know pain!"

13th Jan 2010, 01:17 PM	#7
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Are you gay? Back when I was still confused/in denial/in the closet/what have you, I denied it, yes (until my best friend asked me, I can't lie to her). Or if it wasn't a direct question, and was something like, say, "Describe your ideal man", I tended to either fake it or deflect it. >.> I like to refer to myself as queer, generally, but if I don't feel like explaining myself to someone, I'll just say I'm gay. Like, I got asked that by a bartender once, and I just answered, "Hell yes! Boobs are awesome!" I save my spiel for late-night deep conversations, because, "Yeah, I'm pretty much gay," is shorter than, "Well, I prefer women and I really see myself settling down with one in the future. I'm not really sure I'd be in a relationship with a guy but if I do find some androgynous guys attractive, so if I met one I liked I wouldn't pass up an opportunity just because I generally like women better, you know?" I just generally don't bother mentioning that I might be willing to make exceptions, unless it's someone I might be willing to make exceptions for, lest said someone get the wrong idea. =P And honestly, most people I meet just don't care all that much! But still, I generally prefer saying I'm a big ol' queer, since it feels less like I have to pin myself down exactly for someone else's benefit. __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians) Last edited by GhostDog; 13th Jan 2010 at 01:20 PM..

13th Jan 2010, 01:35 PM	#8
CrystalCat Colour Scientist Regular Member Gender: Genderqueer Orientation: Queer Out Status: Most people and anyone who asks Location: New York Age: 19 Posts: 258 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Are you gay? I was asked that a few months ago. i said no, because i wasnt really friends with that particular person so it was none of their business. If the person asked me the same question today though i would say yes. I'm not 100% out at school but a decent amount know, if im outside of school and a person asks i will definitely say yes 100% of the time though.

13th Jan 2010, 01:39 PM	#9
Black Cat As Seen On Hoarders... Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: This cat is out of the bag - I mean closet Location: Pennsylvania, with the cows Age: 21 Posts: 2,391 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: Are you gay? I wouldn't deny it. I wouldn't answer flatly either. Chances are I'd ask if they were interested, I mean why else would they be asking in the first place right? If anyone in my family asked I'd probably just say yes. __________________ "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

13th Jan 2010, 01:43 PM	#10
Daniel the great cheese danish Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Buffalo, NY Age: 21 Posts: 2,874 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Are you gay? "Ja. Why?" And people are usually thrown by how I ask the why. __________________ "Nobody can teach me who I am, who can describe parts of me, but who I am and what I need, these are things I have to find out myself." - Chunua Achebe

13th Jan 2010, 01:44 PM	#11
excuseyou77 EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: my mom, few friends Location: Duluth, GA Age: 26 Posts: 834 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: Are you gay? I think at this point if someone asks me, I'll just say yes. __________________ "I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does."

13th Jan 2010, 01:45 PM	#12
SolitaryKnight EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: the family knows and some other people Location: Atlantic Canada Age: 27 Posts: 360 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Are you gay? I've been asked a variation that question only once. The girl who asked me started with asking if I had a girlfriend, then she asked if I had a boyfriend, then she asked which I preferred, to which I answered "does it matter?" and she said no and humbly went on her way. __________________ To conquer oneself is the best and noblest victory; to be vanquished by one's own nature is the worst and most ignoble defeat. ~ Plato

13th Jan 2010, 01:55 PM	#13
Zach1992 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Guys Out Status: Out to friends, some family, & those who ask! Location: New York (State, not city) Age: 21 Posts: 1,171 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Are you gay? I used to deny it to everbody, but now it's just I'm asked by family or around them. I'm open to everyone else.

13th Jan 2010, 01:57 PM	#14
Swamp56 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Boston, MA Age: 21 Posts: 2,166 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Are you gay? "Ya....why?" __________________

13th Jan 2010, 03:12 PM	#15
kettleoffish new avatar time! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: all but parents.. for now. Location: Scotland Age: 18 Posts: 1,045 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Are you gay? I've not been asked that in a while.. last time I was I said no and changed the subject. I'd like to htink I'd say yes if I was asked now, but it really depends on the circumstances. __________________ ~~There is no way to peace; peace is the way.~~ --A. J. Muste

13th Jan 2010, 03:15 PM	#16
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Are you gay? Minus my parents. I just say "Yeah, your point?" __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

13th Jan 2010, 03:16 PM	#17
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Are you gay? Nowadays, it's just "uh-huh". Like it's no big deal. 'cause it ain't. Back in the day, whether the asker was male or female, I'd look confused and say "Are you asking me out?" or "Are you hitting on me?" That'd usually be enough to deflect the question without raising too many red flags. Lex

13th Jan 2010, 03:17 PM	#18
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Are you gay? "Nah, I'm bi"? I dunno, People never ask me that question xD __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

13th Jan 2010, 04:30 PM	#19
LostandFound Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Are you gay? I just say 'no'. I don't defend my no or say anything else. Although I've decided that I will slowly start saying 'yes' now.

13th Jan 2010, 04:47 PM	#20
knight of ni Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: parents, brothers and friends! Location: Birmingham, UK Age: 26 Posts: 129 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: Are you gay? I've been asked that question a few times: twice just as I began coming out (I denied being gay, vehemently), and I think twice or three times more since then. Once I was at work, and I got asked what was on my mind, and I said it was somebody I wanted to go out with. "What's she like?" they asked. "Wrong pronoun..." I said. Today if I got asked that question, by anyone who has even the most remote reason to know, I would answer yes.