You might remember I made a post back near Christmas about my cousin who I suspected of being Gay but so far in the closet he's in narnia. So I was talking to my dad about the article I've to write for Journalism and that I'd chosen to do it on homophobia in Northern Ireland, My dad really doesn't like the idea so that made me want to do it more and use it as a sort of stepping stone for when I come out to him in the (hopefully very) near future and he then says "you know you are related to your very own only gay in the village kind of person" so I ask who and he tells me its this cousin, not only that but he's been out of the closet for years, in fact he had (I think this my dad didn't say it) the best way of coming out, he sat his parents down and asked them if it would be alright for his boyfriend to come over and spend the night, and sleep in the same bed. This was ages ago so it turns out that his mum (his dad died ) and my parents have been hiding this from us!!!! he has been forced into the closet from the rest of us by his own bloody family GRRRRR so now where does that leave me, I'm not out to my family but I don't want to be the shunned black sheep of the family:help:
The question is, how accepting is your father of your cousin? My family won't tell any of the extended family either, and I'm not going to ask them to because it will effect them more than me, so I understand that point. But if your dad didn't express hatred toward your cousin because of it, maybe you're better off than you think.
Connor, hang in there. I remember when I came out, my mom didn't want to talk about it or for me to tell anyone either. I think this was because it was a 'shameful' thing to admit and it somehow reflected that she had been a bad parent. Which isn't the truth. She's been a pretty decent mom and that's not the reason I'm gay (and she's realizing that now). Once you come out, don't be forced back into the closet. If your parents want to go into the closet, that's fine, that's their deal, but if you're "openly out" don't be afraid of telling people. Yes it is hard at first, but it's a fact of life and it will get easier in time. And in time, once you come out, your parents will realize it wasn't a choice or a bad thing to admit once they see you happier.
It has been said before on this site and I think it is true that parents come out too. All the neighbours and relatives knew them as the parents of a straight child. Then the parents have to get used to having a gay child and to everybody else (defined as people they know) knowing that they have a gay child. So if your Father was fairly OK with the cousin, he may be Ok with you. Bear in mind that he was able to talk about the cousin - so it was not the absolute secret of which we do not EVER speak. Also "can my visiting boyfriend sleep in my bed" is a direct way of coming out. There are plenty of parents who won't let their straight children share a bed with their partner! So good luck. Cheers Prester
I'd also add... telling your dad you're writing a paper about homophobia is certainly sending up a huge flare -- or, in gay terms, flair -- in my book. So his response, by telling you about your cousin, may already be signalling that he's ok with it.
I don't know, your family sounds rather open with the idea of homosexuality. If anything I'd interpret their cues as a positive sign that it's OK to come on out into the sunshine!
have you thought about coming out to your cousin first, get his comments about your dad, other advise?
