Being Vain

[ScentedRegrets]

Hey everyone,

I was having a conversation the other with my best friend, and we (together) came to a realization. I am a very vain person. I admit it. I am very much driven by physical attraction. This, coming from someone who is 30 pounds overweight. I'm working on it - I have taken 75 pounds off, and am aiming for another 25 to 30. I have been working out everyday, starting off Monday-Friday with one hour of cardio, and then doing some combination that adds up to 500 calories burned over the weekend. I restrict my soda intake to weekends only. I have changed my entire diet, and am actually eating very healthy. One year in, and I am on my way to getting what I consider a nice body.

But getting back to this conversation with my best friend... When I started this diet on Jan. 2nd of 2009, I told myself that I was doing it so that I would feel healthy. I was always drawn to the guys at college who would run in the summer time without their shirts on. I always dreamed of being comfortable doing that.

But I came to a realization: I really started the diet so that I would become more physically attractive to other guys. My friend, who is straight but totally supportive of me, saw some of the shirtless photos of guys that I have on my computer, and he told me that I am really very vain. I believe it. I recently put a personals ad online to try to meet some people and try to spark an interest. And after my friend said that, it all made sense. Personality and "inner qualities" are important to me - in fact, make or break. But first and foremost, I consider a guy's level of physical attraction.

I'm not a materialistic person (at least I don't think I am), and I don't view myself as a judgmental, biased person. In fact, I think that I have a pretty open mind and am very respectful of and friendly towards others... genuinely. But I feel like I kind of let myself down. I wish physical attraction wasn't so important to me. But it is.

Can anyone else relate? Not really seeking advice here, just thought this would be an interesting topic for discussion.

--Matt

[HackmanWIU]

You sound normal to me, physical attraction is important to a lot of people. Including myself.

[Pepsi]

+ YouTube Video

That sounds more like shallow then vain but in any case. The fact that you realize it means it probably isn't a problem.

[GoBabyGoGo]

i catch myself caring about peoples appearances way more than i think i should. sure ones personality is a 'make or break' factor, but for me, physical features are as well. i went out to meet a guy the other day, and he was the nicest, coolest guy... i just wasnt attracted to him. so i want to keep seeing him, just as friends, but nothing more. i dont think this makes me shallow? ill just keep a look out for someone who i both love as a person AND i am attracted to (for a sexual relationship, for friendship i really couldnt care less what a person is on the outside)

as for being 'vain' (conceited: characteristic of false pride; having an exaggerated sense of self-importance; overly proud of oneself, especially when concerning appearance; having very little substance, i am not vain. i do *care* about my appearance, and i will admit that i think i am rather attractive. but that is not vain. i am just confident in myself. perhaps if i knew i was less attractive, i may have lower standards when it comes to assessing a prospective partners physical appearance? do you think?

[Strawberry]

I understand where you're coming from. I care a lot, and I mean a LOT, about my appearance. Some days I think I'm the ugliest person on the planet, but some days I think I'm really hot. I am also very driven by physical attraction. I am not overweight anymore, but I would still like to lose ten pounds for aesthetic reasons. I... have a little issue; I see myself as being a lot larger than others see me as. I used to write off this as simply me being a teenage girl, but it has bothered me even more than usual lately.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being a horrible, shallow person, but I can't really help it. I want an attractive girl. Of course, she definitely has to be just as pretty on the inside too. I want to be attractive enough to get such a girl. I've never had sex before, but I can't help but feel that physical attraction is important too if you're going to have sex with the person... I mean, I can't really see myself getting physical with someone I'm not attracted to. I hate admitting this; I'm afraid it makes me sound really bad.

I wouldn't call it being "vain", though. "Vain" is more like concieted and having an inflated ego, I think.

I'm afraid I'm not making much sense, so I'll stop rambling now. :p

i'm totally like that. i want to have a perfect 6 pack just to be hot. and i guess i'm kinda picky about guys looks too, a cute face and decent body are a must (though i can be a little leniant on the body if the face is cute). sure it's vain or shallow or whatever, but it's not really something you can help/change about yourself. physical attraction is necessary in any relationship.

it's not necessary for anyone to put you down for it, cause it's harder to find someone with a great personality and great looks, so odds are we'll be punished for it by being single longer, if anyone has a problem with it, just say that they're adding insult to injury.

[rebz]

Hey, don't beat yourself about being vain. Pretty much everyone is vain and shallow somewhat, some more than others. I find myself being shallow like that sometimes, judging somebody by their looks before I've even heard them speak or talked to them at all. Also, looks seem to be really important in society, just try not to obsess.

[pianomike]

For some people it's more than vanity, it's an obsession.
I admit myself that i am also very vain.

[ScentedRegrets]

Thanks, everyone! I had really intended for this to be an interesting discussion topic, but reading all of the replies makes me feel a lot better about myself. I don't feel so bad. I am content going to bed tonight on the note that looks are important to me - making myself good looking and attractive (a year and a month into that project, and I'm liking the results... and also looking for a boyfriend that I am physically attracted to, in addition to loving his personality and, in general, just his "coolness" factor.

BTW - just an interesting side note. I made a New Year's Resolution this year: kiss my boyfriend when the ball drops and 2011 begins. Getting into great shape is part of this overall resolution. I'll keep you posted on that

[Just Adam]

why does gobabygogo have an avatar of me running?

also don't worry about it humans are still animals and physical attractiveness is just an instinct to find the best mate as in the wild animals want the fittest specimen to have their young with ...so your normal same reasons just slightly different end result.

[Filip]

Well, like it or not, but looks are usually the first sensory impression you get (along with hearing someone's voice. If smell is the first impression you get, then most of the time something's very wrong indeed ). First impressions are a big part in how we're predisposed to people.

There's nothing wrong with that, however! It doesn't mean you're vain or shallow. Everyone wants the full package, someone who's hot and smart and engaging and funny.
Being shallow would be to meet a guy, really like him, but don't pursue anything because you don't want to be seen with him in public because of how he looks. Or if you don't even want to talk to a guy because he's not up to your standards. And from what you say, it doesn't seem like that's the case. Normally when falling in love, you just smooth over any imperfections. It's just a problem if for some reason you can never do that.

As for starting a diet to look better: that's why 99% of people do it. Even if feeling more fit is a major factor, looking better and more trained is nothing to sneeze at.
I limit my soda intake to the weekends, only eat a packet of potato chips every two weeks, and I allow myself fastfood only two times a year. And I try to do sports at least 4 hours a week. I could say it's because of health reasons, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't prefer how I look now over how I looked a few years ago. It's a big motivation in not giving in to temptation

I don't think you need to worry. If you're worrying about being vain, then you're already looking benath the surface, and thus, by definition, not vain

[GoBabyGoGo]

Originally Posted by Just Adam

why does gobabygogo have an avatar of me running?

Because its fucking sexy.

[Austin]

Random: You should restrict your soda intake to never.

[carrie90]

I don't think it's a bad quality everybody wants someone physically attractive because I believe there has to be a spark and some sexual attraction it's when you get totally obssesed with how they look and ignore thier other good aspects that you become in danger of becoming *gulp* Paris Hilton

[Filip]

Originally Posted by Austin

Random: You should restrict your soda intake to never.

This reminds me of a joke:
Man: "Doctor, will I lead a long life?"
Doctor: "That depends on several factors: do you smoke?"
Man "No, I never smoke, never even tried"
Doctor: "Do you drink?"
Man: "No, I never even touched a drop for fear of my health"
Doctor: "Do you go to parties, and have lots of wild nights?"
Man: "No, I'm always in bed by 9PM and wake up at 6AM"
Doctor: "But, if that's how you spend your time, why do you want a long life in the first place?"


Not that I want people to smoke, drink or have wildly decadent parties, but some innocent indulging in soda once a week isn't going to be a disaster...

[KittyBoy]

I can relate, I am very very very vain. Not to mention shallow. Someone like me, barely scraping the bottom of the barrel here in Sydney, and I am vain and shallow. Quite funny no?

[Roxas101]

Originally Posted by KittyBoy

I can relate, I am very very very vain. Not to mention shallow. Someone like me, barely scraping the bottom of the barrel here in Sydney, and I am vain and shallow. Quite funny no?

Tom... No. If I have to tell you one more time that you aren't vain, aren't shallow or in some way unattractive I'm gonna go more insane than I already am. o.O Don't you care about my sanity?

Heh...

A lot of the time I consider myself to be somewhat shallow. There's been a couple of instances where I've turned a guy down because they did not in any way fit into my definition of attractive. However, I tend to take a lot of other factors into account as well... For example, an actual interest in a relationship rather than just a random hookup is pretty much mandatory. As well as being a somewhat decent guy, who I can hold a conversation with.

Really though, I guess physical attractiveness is just another quality by which we measure people. Call it shallowness, vanity or whatever you want, its going to happen anyway.

[Maddy]

I have turned down someone I didn't find attractive, and I have to admit I felt pretty bad about it. The main factor in my turning her down was that I just didn't enjoy her company, but it is true that I might have been more interested if I found her more attractive. I feel really hypocritical about it, because I'm not worth a second look and I don't want people to judge me based on my average-to-unattractiveness, but looks do play a role in your perception of people. They're the first thing you have to form an impression of someone.

[cpt doodles]

i am very vain, i cant go past a mirror without looking in it lol XD theres not not much to look at, but try my best - even with my retarded haircut XD

[Rikudo]

Well I think that every relationship must have some sort of physical attraction.

Well I must admit I'm just a tad vain about physical appearances but then again who doesn't love eyecandy. Whoever recently I've noticed I've become very vain in the gym. I'm ashamed to say that I enjoy picking on the weaker guys when they lift and love being the center of attention when performing a big lift. I'm working on it though.