How long did you deny your sexuality?

[Swamp56]

Just a simple poll for how long you may have suppressed your sexual orientation to "convince" yourself that you were straight.

I did for about 5-6 years.

[Shevanel]

I didn't. I just didn't know the other side of my bisexual self existed.

[mattypants]

i cant remember exactly... but almost 2 years sounds right...i think

[Adam]

For a few months I guess, I just thought it was a phase or something.

[Lexington]

That's a really tough question to answer.

I became sexually "aware" around age 13 and 14. And I just assumed I was straight. I fantasized about girls. I jerked off thinking about girls. If I came across porn, I looked at the girls. (This was back when porn was tough to come by.)

But I never really felt any desire to date a girl. I liked girls OK, but I never thought about any of them sexually. They were just...people. I dated a bit, but never felt the need to do anything.

After waiting for years, it struck me - well, maybe I'm gay. But that seemed silly. Not in that "Oh, gay happens to other people" sort of way, but wouldn't I KNOW? Shouldn't it be obvious? But the thought kept pestering me, so I decided to try it out. I went outside my dorm and waited for an attractive guy to walk by. A guy finally did. He was a jogger, wearing nothing but short black jogging shorts. I watched him come up, and I watched him leave. And I was horny as a mofo.

Up until that moment, I really had no clue. None. I wasn't "denying" my sexuality. I just had no clue. From that point on, I proceeded ahead. I didn't instantly come out - I wanted to make sure. So I fantasized about guys (and noticed a SHARP uptick in the horniness), let myself get used to it, and then decided that if this was a phase, it wasn't going anywhere. So at that point, I decided to come out.

First became sexually aware - 13.
First realized I might be gay - 20.
First came out - 21.

So not long. Maybe a year. And even then, it was more "let's be sure about this" than "no, it couldn't be".

Lex

[VanceA]

I don't know, I put 5+ because looking back on it I have had lots of gay thoughts, but i've never thought of being gay until Last Feb, then after that It was a couple of days and I accepted it, and then came out to everyone within a month or so.

[GhostDog]

I don't think I ever actually said, "No gay for me, thanks! I am Straighty McStraightersons!" I did kinda deny it, I think, but for different reasons.

I always just assumed I was attracted to boys. Because, well, why wouldn't I be? And I fantasized about... really androgynous-looking men, but men nonetheless.

Even in high school, when I developed what I think now were crushes on other girls (because they were just so interesting I couldn't help but follow them like puppies and not give two shits about anyone else when they were around), it didn't occur to me. Even when my female friends would hold hands and pretend to be a lesbian couple so people'd stare, and I got so incredibly jealous and really wished that were me, I figured I couldn't possibly be interesting enough to actually be gay.

I had horrible self-image problems, though, so whenever I thought, "Maybe I can fantasize about a girl tonight...?" I'd flip out and think, "NO GIRL WOULD EVER WANT ME, THERE IS NO POINT IN THINKING ABOUT IT. OH GOD WHY AM I SUCH A WASTE." I didn't seriously think I was worthy of dating anyone, or even having a sexuality. The idea that someone might like me for something other than my possessing a vagina was unthinkable.

Then I got to college, developed a huge, knee-wobbling, heart-pounding crush on a girl that I could not ignore and I had this, "Holy crap, wait, is this actually happening?" moment. And for the next three years I still told myself I wasn't allowed to think I was gay, because I thought, "What if I'm wrong? What if I get involved with a girl and I hate it? What if this attraction I have isn't real?" Which was utterly miserable and left me crying and losing sleep at night, so, clearly that was an awesome attitude. >.>

Then last spring I was like, "Okay, screw this, these feelings aren't going away, might as well acknowledge 'em." I did a bunch of reading, found EC (<3), saw a counselor, and got the hell out of that closet and am totally 100% happier. =D

This process lasted... I'm guessing 4-6 years. I don't know when the first inklings started, but the confusion and misery got a lot more intense in the last three years of it. God, I'm glad that's done with.

I didn't deny it, i was just surprised by it i guess. I wasn't one of those people who knew since they were really young.

[Zach1992]

I too never really denied that it was possible that I was gay.

[Rikudo]

I did for about 4 yrs when around age 13 I started to think about guys and gals.

[Cheria]

I never tried to convince myself... just other people.

[elitechris]

i didn't deny it
i knew what i liked and since then i haven't thought i was 'bad'

[Connor22]

I denied it for about a year... worst year of my life but that's in the past so no point staying there

[SaturdaySaviour]

I remember my crush back when I was in 6th grade and I was asking myself why I was thinking about a girl so much, and in the end convinced myself it was just jealousy. I became a shut-in person, but high school saved me. I became more comfortable with myself and decided to find out the truth. Probably the best thing I've ever done.

[Seags]

I remember having "strange" thoughts when I was 4 or 5 (not desire or whatever obviously, but some kind of attraction to men) I guess I'm one of those dudes who alwails felt gay. I'd say I really started to accept my homosexuality when I was 16, so, well 5+, easily. :P

hard one, i always had it in my mind i guess. still tell people at work to p' off if they question me about it tho. not denying it tho. id rather deal with this without the interference of twats.

For me, it was a long time. When I hit puberty I didn't really think I was too different from everyone else. I didn't really understand the fascination with boobs and stuff that other guys saw but it didn't bother me. I enjoyed looking at straight porn mags with friends, but I think that was because it was exciting to do something that felt like it should be wrong. I do remember being captivated by guys in speedos but at the time I just thought it had to do with my self-esteem, and I just wanted to look good and muscular like they did. Although the copious erections should have been a dead give-away ;-).

After that I thought that only if I could pray hard enough, my attraction to guys would go away. This failed, so then I thought that I wasn't gay and that if I went out with a girl long enough and married her, I could make love to her and all would be well. I realized this was incredibly selfish. So, realizing that I couldn't change who I was and that I could never hurt a girl by marrying her, there seemed to be only one option left, accept that I was gay.

[Apocalypte]

Well I had the "I like girls... no, this can't be!" moment at about 16, and started to accept myself at about age 19. First came out to friends as bi at 20, and concluded about 2 years after that I'm gay. So depending on what way you define things, it could be 3 years, 4 years or 6 years.

[Pepsi]

I didn't. When I realized I was gay, I was gay no self argument.

[jazzrawr]

Well, I didn't try to convince myself that I was straight, but I tried to convince myself that I was bisexual. So if that counts, about a year and a half.